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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Had 1st marriage counselling session last night...

3 replies

Nooneshome · 02/05/2008 10:39

Short history we are in a rut, had so many traumas have happened to us in last few years, wonder we are together but we are. We can function but we are both very unhappy and unfulfilled. 2 kids are main reason for trying hard to patch things up,we both feel very strongly about that.

So sat in session last night listening to him clearly stating his opinions, not really heard that before. I thought he was a cold man who had such a low opinion of me and had stopped listening to me as he just thinks I am damaged and fundamentally unhappy, blaming him for the unhappiness. He is obsessed with making money, we're talking millions. His work has already taken its toll on us. He's not working at the minute but I am clear that being the wife of a money making obsessed machine is not going to do it for me! We are already financially secure. And he wants staff = nanny, housekeeper and chaffeur. Who is this man I thought. I thought he was so unattractive and cold. This is just not the life we presently lead and not one I am comfortable with. Will it get better?

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 02/05/2008 13:40

Hard to tell after one session. Stick with it for a couple more at least, see where it goes. As they say, it has to get worse before it can get better. I wonder what he will find out about you next that he'd never realised - either because you didn't say it out loud, or because he wasn't listening before!

Let me just add that a man who will go to counselling without you having to pull a gun on him is worth something, at least...

Lauriefairycake · 02/05/2008 13:49

It's possible/probable that he is focusing on making money as it's the one thing he can control and do well. When he is more confident emotionally and can see the benefit of being in an intimate relationship with you and the children that may change.

He sounds scared. Try and go for a few months and focus in sessions on feelings and you might get somewhere. I'm not suprised you find the money making machine unattractive - maybe try and focus on what you like about each other. Seeing as your financially secure then you're in a good position to try and grow your relationship.

And as for him going to counselling - he probably knows deep down he is unhappy.

Lots of luck

littlewoman · 03/05/2008 22:34

Sounds like he has delusions of grandeur. Who the buggery bollocks needs a chauffer?? Besides the queen. Sounds strange to me, NOH.

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