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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don't want to have sex with DP! Trigger warning rape/abuse

1 reply

Emonade · 26/12/2024 23:30

Hi everyone,

So after advice really, going to do a bit of a random background bit first! So I'm eight months post partum, have a lovely eight month old boy who has been amazing but always a terrible sleeper and had awful reflux which were waiting for a paediatrician appointment for, cos of this he's always slept with me and naps even now have to be contact so I get very little time.

My partner is the most supportive amazing dad and partner. We've been together for three and a half years. I'm got very bad post natal anxiety which I'm under perinatal mental health team for.

In my third trimester we had sex maybe twice cos it was an uncomfortable and painful for me. I had a planned c section cos of previous rape/sexual abuse stuff, everything went amazingly with the birth. Since having the baby we've had sex four times I think. I just can't get in the mood/switch off enough to want to do it, my partner is getting increasingly upset about it and has started to really ramp up the constant telling me I'm hot, asking to kiss me/touch me and honesty it's just making things worse. I don't know what to do! I would love to feel like I want to have sex with him again but I just can't imagine it at the moment.

OP posts:
4timesthefun · 27/12/2024 05:55

Can you have an open conversation about it with him? I think I’d start with being honest that pregnancy/c-section, the newborn touched out stage has had a real impact on you, and you aren’t up for it at the moment. If he can take a step back for a while and realise that it’s not a personal reflection on him, there is a better chance of things going back to normal when the situation calms. If he continues with his behaviours, you may well develop the ick and resentment of him, and the dislike of sex will last much longer.

Sometimes men really need to pull their head in and remember that biologically women are most likely wired to have very low desire for at least 12+ months after birth. That’s not to say all women are like that, but it’s time for them to just accept it’s a time off life with less sex and use their hand if they need a release!

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