My ex stole my car and phone and will not give it back.

[questionqueeen2022]

So my ex is a big time bully. He forced me into getting another car in my name and then TOOK MY CAR I HAD WORKED HARD AND PAID for When we split. He also smashed my phone and he said if I give it him he'll get it fixed. So I did stupidly and now he saying "what phone??" As if he hasn't got it.

He blatantly told me to ring the police if I want my things back and refused to give them back. He has threatened to hurt my family (on a phone call) so I have no proof of this. He is a bully and his ex wife did get a restraining order on him, too.

He has stole my car and phone and laughs about it to me (we share a son so I can't avoid him)

He's extremely abusive to me and said he has lots of things to report me for. Including saying a parcel never came to me via delivery but it did. (He told me to do this by the way) It's very petty things but he says he has lots to report me for.

What do I do?!
He's bullying me into insanity !!!!

I am sorry - this is a horrible situation where you're being harassed and bullied, but if you can't seek help from the police, who do you think will be able to stop him?

He is threatening you with all sorts if you go to the police as he is afraid that you will.

Because you won't ring the police, what do you think Mumsnet can do to help you? If you haven't done any of the things he's going to tell the police what does it matter what he says ?

IF he’s done this to you he could well do similar to other women. It is for their sake as well as your own he needs to be stopped and now. He’s all bluster really and if he’s making threats to your family he needs a prison sentence. Get a hold of your anger and aim it firmly at him by involving the authorities. It would not surprise me if he’s already got a record.

Be the woman who stands up to him and his abusive nature. Show him you will not be cowed by involving the authorities.

He does have record. Which is why his threats r so intense. He has firearm offences he even intimidated a witness out of court! He told me all this not long ago so pls don't judge. He's a horrible person. I'm just so scared of him

He’s counting on you being scared but he is not above the law and you know that to be true. You need to be very brave now and involve the authorities. How would you feel if you read about this twat in the daily paper after commiting some other heinous crimes against women and wider society?.

Call women's aid and the police

Op, if you are ever going to have another moments peace, for you and your DC, you need to go to the police. If he has a record of intimidation and abuse then that will help you. Tell them everything and ask for help with a non molestation order. I know you're scared but if you let him get away with everything your DC is going to grow up in fear of his own Dad, that's no way for a child to live

Do you think if I reported this, my son wouldn't be able to go around his dad?

Is the man in question your child's dad?

Yes

Why would you want your child around this man? Genuine question .
Report him for abusing you, keep yourself and possible future partners safe.
Awful situation to be in.

I don't. I stopped him seeing him but he said how he's never out my son in danger and my son would grow up hating me. I did it for my son because he has other kids and has always been good to them. Obviously if my son was in danger I wouldn't do it but he is his dad which is my mistake and he's different with my son than he is with me obviously

Imo you should still report him.
I don't have any other advice for you and wish you the best

I know you are right I'm just feeling gscared and intimidated

I think @questionqueeen2022 that the only way to stop your DC having to grow up around this man is to get as much dirt on him as humanly possible. The family courts cling to the idea that a DC needs a Father, even when their Father is a complete dirtbag, so the more evidence you can offer up to show your DCs Father is dangerous/a waste of space/a danger o his DC the better. Have no mercy on him Op, he has absolutely none for you

Whilst it will be difficult, the only thing you can do is call the police. There is not advise that anyone can give other than to do that! Bite rhe bullet and realise short term pain for long term gain

Oh, I love this. His facts aren't necessarily the truth.

Okey dokey. So far you have coercive control, sexual assault/rape, threats to kill, TWOC, criminal damage, DV... and his prior records makes you think nothing will be done? Does he have a probation officer? I admit the police can be shit, but with priors like that (make sure you mention them) you will be taken far more seriously. Sad, but true.

You realise of course that all the mouth he's giving you might not actually be true, or only have a grain of truth in it as he's trying to manipulate you? Turn up at your local plod shop and say you want to make a statement RIGHT NOW as you are in fear for your life (if you are); and if not, you want to make a statement and speak with a specialist DV team or a woman police officer.

You can make an application for a non-molestation order yourself and can ask that it's heard as an emergency: link

Thank you so much for understanding and giving supportive advice.
You asked does he have a prob officer - he has a group of people who turn up at his house every so often randomly to "check in" and see who's living there. He also has to report to the police station whenever he leaves the country (he says) which all sounds very odd to me.

He says he could report me for abuse (?) what he means here is after my baby was born my hormones were everywhere and he would verbally abuse me saying I'm a fat bitch ugly horrible he doesn't want me and to imagine our son was in a Car that crashed because he said he could crash into someone if I text him and he reads it while working. This all got to me and after weeks of abuse I will admit I definitely did lash out a hit to him which I know was wrong but I couldn't take anymore I was sleep deprived, abused, my head was all over and I was being bullied.
He's the devil and I don't say that lightly.

He denies that he has sexually assaulted me but he used to reduce me to tears at night time and then when I'm crying demand me to have sex with him (he had a hard on!!) and if I didn't he would abuse me for 3 days straight (expecting sex every night inbetween) sex was a chore for him and I don't even desire it now as he's put a horrible nature too it for me for now. This is TMI but when I said I went off swallowing his you know what while doing oral (made me wretch) he fell out with me and when I had my son I still didn't want to do it he made me swallow it because if I didn't he would really really fall out with me over it saying I have obviously done it to other men in the past so I can do it to him.

He drove me to depression and anxiety and then used it against me in arguments saying how I can't look after my children (I fucking can! He was the issue!)

There's so many things but he denies it all. I do have some texts and video evidence I have a folder with 53 pieces of evidence in them one where he gave me a black eye when I was pregnant by throwing an "empty" (it wasn't) bottle at my face and said if my family question him about it he would "punch them" I've got him slagging his newly born son off saying he didn't wanna know him etc etc.

He denies all but says if I report him he will report me for abuse.

• sex was a chore with him

Report for abuse - bollocks! Pfft! What he has there is a. A counter allegation which was some time ago and unreported and b. Your reactive abuse to his abuse, something well documented by police and DV support groups.

As for the group of people who turn up every now and then, this sounds like Integrated Offender Management (IOM). It's very serious and indicates to me that potentially he is on a licence. IOM is reserved for high risk offenders. Having to report to a police station ties in with this and indicates he's a flight risk, i.e. will jump any bail. I would personally contact a local probation office and ask to speak with his probation officer, having given his name and date of birth. They'll have a record on him - I absolutely guarantee it. IOM usually work with probation.

You have a stack of evidence there which will get you an emergency non mol order. Emergency doesn't necessarily mean immediate, but it does mean without notice of the court date to him in advance, so a decision is made in his absence and he is then served,.if I remember correctly. Is it yours his, or a shared place? If it's the former, I suggest an occupation order. That'll get him hoofed from the house. If it's one of the last two, then when you see the police you can ask about temporary rehousing until the order is granted.

It's likely (though I'm surprised this hasn't happened already) that SS will get involved because there's a child there and potential risk, even if it's just for support to you.

I know that you must be terrified but I'm telling you there are a stack of people out here waiting to help you. ENSURE you get a female police officer. The males ime are dismissive. I've been there before you with broken phones, threats to me, injuries etc and the men are useless, but the women a lot better. You will be assessed and can ask to be referred to local DV support, including an IDVA. You must do this for yourself and your kid. It does end, once you reach out.