Favourite child

[Notmyfavourite]

I was watching coronation street last night, and Helen worth’s character said to her children ‘you’ve always been my favourite’ (so the joke was she said it to all of them.)

I admitted to myself last night for the first time I do have a favourite. The bond I have with one is nothing like the other. That’s horrible. I didn’t choose to feel this way. I wonder if anyone else is the same, I’ve only really admitted it to myself recently as it feels horrible.

Hi Op. I know I'm not answering your question, but I'm going to plead with you to check how you act and treat them. My friend's parent has a favourite (not him) and it's been really damaging. They've never said it explicitly, but he's always known, since being a child.

The favourite child has contined the tradition and has a favourite (who is also grandparents's favourite grandchild) and it's caused huge ructions across the family. No shouting matches or big fall-outs, but the other grandchildren all avoid the favourite who is a constant reminder that they weren't 'good enough'.

So it's ended up badly for all, including the favourites.

I have 3 children if I've ever felt one is becoming closer to me than the others I would make a huge effort to spend quality time with the others on our own without the one that is naturally more closer.
It is your job to make sure your children do not feel left out or not as loveable as a "favourite" I belive favouritism is often incredibly lazy, parents tend to lean towards the easier child or the child most likely them so they are easier to bond.
It really is cruel being on the other side of it, as a child it is painful , not only did I feel pushed aside but also that the "favourite" child was rarely punished , was let off the hook many times.
It has turned out although having a favourite sibling that they have been the one that has turned out the worst of all of us. This is because life has been hard for them realising the won't always be the favourite in life , they were spoilt , they rarely had any consequences to thier actions.
Growing up with this dynamic I have made a conscious effort to make sure there are no favourites in my house hold. Our relationships are different as we all have different interests, u may have some more similar to one child. So what do I do about that as an adult?? Learning about the other children what they like and want to do.
Another thing your doing which is highly selfish of you is when you pick a favourite your ruining that child's relationship with thoer siblings for life, resentment will creep in at some point and it is all your fault remember that, your the adult and you would of set up a situation where there is jealousy amongst siblings competing for attention... again your fault.
If your feeling this way start making some time to build better bonds with the others.
Now I'm in my 40s my siblings and I talk about what our mother did to our relationships by picking one favourite...guess what we've all turned our back in her.
Don't be cruel . Sort it out. After all you chose to have more than one child didn't you? So it's your job to make them all feel equally loved. If you don't do this your a bad person.

Growing up as the least favoured child was awful. It hit even harder when the very obvious favouritism continued into adulthood.

It’s a shitty way to behave and extremely damaging to your unflavoured child. If we’re you I’d be asking myself what kind of a cruel, destructive person I was. I feel for you unflavoured child. Don’t kid yourself that they don’t know. They know.

Obviously I mean unfavoured, not unflavoured. Damn spellcheck.

Yeah, you’re only as fair and good a parent as your least favoured child sees it.

My mother has a favourite and it's always been obvious, and it's incredibly hurtful. It hasn't done the favourite any favours either, they struggle because they grew up being given the best treatment and life outside the family isn't like that.

She also said it to another of her children, so not quite the same as actually having a favourite.

Also agree, not being the favourite is glaringly obvious to everyone. My fiancé is the oldest and the world and their dog can clearly see the youngest is the favourite by a country mile. It's horrible and makes me glad to be an only child!

5 children here (now 18-26). I love them equally, and have treated them equally. And keep saying so "There is no favourite child here, I love you all equally" at which they groan and start arguing why they must surely be the favourite child. All very different. As you can imagine there have been some arguments along the way (some light-hearted, some less so). They have all had the same financial support, and I think they will all have their turn of getting emotional support (although the boys have needed this more than my girls so far). It is not about me, but I can see myself in all of them. I go on holiday a lot with DD2 and she is the travel companion I can most cope with, all of them moan about the treatment of little DS5, because he "gets away with murder", and "you would have never let us get away with that la la la". They all know they are loved, they all know they are going to get the same chances. I think all parents get on with one child more than another at times, but you are an adult, and you do not need to show it, and also as time goes on, you will find it changes. You will need to make effort though on occasions. Hope this helps xx

There is a clear favourite in my family too and it is definitely not me. It is weird and makes us all uncomfortable- including the one who is the favourite. They didn't ask for it and don't like the extra attention they always get. They don't reject it though either and resentment builds up. The rest of us are never 'good enough' and this is clear in how we are treated. We are held up to different standards. We are all adults now and do feel it has affected our relationship with our parents.

Not the favourite here.
It hurts. Even if your parent thinks they don't show it, they do.
Took years of therapy to heal from that damage.

I have two daughters now. One is an incredibly likeable and loveable child. She goes around and cuddles everyone, always smiling, always happy. Eats well, sleeps well, behaves kindly. The other is a challenge, to say the least. Big emotions, lots of tantrums, cried for hours at a time as a baby, eats virtually nothing. It's been a road filled with child psychologists and frequent conferences with teachers, etc.
And yet nothing she's ever put us through has made me love her any less. If anything, we've grown incredibly close by working together to finding a way to help her cope with life. I have a very different bond with both of my children. But both are and always will be equally loved for who they are.
And if you feel anything differently, then I suggest you start therapy as soon as possible to start healing whatever's broken inside you that's lead to you loving one of your children less than the other. It may not be your choice or your fault, but it is your responsability to fix it.

MIL favours my SIL over DH, apparently it’s always been the case for DH to be pushed aside for his sister.
She also now favours SIL son over our DCs, our relationship with her isn’t great but I will not have my children treated like this in such an obvious way that other non-family are mentioning it.
I urge you to consider this and try to build on your relationship with your other DC.

Love is unconditional. Sometimes it is hard to like one's children equally.

I adore both of my children but in different ways. I am close to them but in different ways. DS, I can read like a book (we are very alike); DD is a gentler soul and there is a different bond, probably mother and daughter.

10 kids here no favorites. All due to my mother having favorites and making it clear she hated me. Im still wounded by it

My ex tells both DC that they are his favourite. I’ve always hated it and I & DC used to bring it up in conversation so they both knew he’d said it to lesson the impact.
My eldest does feel he favours the youngest. I’ve tried to reassure eldest but I can see why (he dismisses eldest’s extracurricular activities but is heavily involved in other DCs).
They both ask me occasionally which is my favourite and I jokingly say ‘neither as you both annoy me equally’ with a laugh (perhaps saying love rather than annoy as others have said is better but I do tell them I love them everyday and often tell them I am proud of them & hug them etc).
Without even meaning to one child can feel like they are not the favourite and it can hurt. My parents unintentionally made me feel less clever than my brother & I was always trying to prove them wrong (although this motivated me it still wasn’t nice).
I love my children equally. They are not always pleasant company but that changes which perhaps makes it easier for me. I do things that interest each of them on their own with them.
However, you feel I think you need to try as much as possible to not let it show. Also over time this may change, my generally “easier” child is now a teen & is very different. I would recommend actively trying to improve your bond with your other child.

@Notmyfavourite - now you have realised this and how awful it is, you will hopefully be working very hard to fix it. It’s not about whether or not you chose to feel this way. It’s that you have allowed yourself to feel this way. You will harm everyone (including your current favourite) if you allow this situation to persist.