Am I in the wrong?

[wheredolobely]

I have been with my partner 4 years now.
We are both female
I'm 32 now
My mum passed away when I was 14 a week before Christmas
My gran passed away just before I met partner.
She was my best friend.
My only other family is my dad.
My partner's family all live down south.
She used to have custody of her niece for 4 years.
Then her niece was placed with a foster mum because my partner was struggling (as her niece has special needs )
Anyway she still speaks and meets up with her niece and has a great relationship with her nieces foster family (bought us Xmas presents etc )

She makes Christmas horrible for me.
She says how much she hates Christmas now since her niece isn't with her.
She won't let me play Christmas music and has spent the whole day miserable .
Niece face times her earlier and she's like a different person.

I thought I had a partner now I would be happy at Christmas
I feel so alone and have cried all day.
I explained lots of people have sadness but that we both have had bad times but we have each other and can try and make new memories.
She went off it saying me loosing my mum wasn't the same and I didn't understand
Was i wrong ?

Why do you stay with such an unpleasant woman? Everyone has grief that is exacerbated by Christmas. Better to be alone than treated like this.

OP you don't sound like you're in a very good place and should perhaps see your GP. I'm sorry you're so upset.

You've been with your partner for four years so I presume this isn't usual behaviour in your relationship. Your partner sounds very upset and shouldn't be telling you what you can and can't do, Christmas or otherwise.

If you're still grieving your mum then Cruse offer free counselling which you might find helpful.

Competitive suffering is really unhelpful and I'm not surprised your partner is upset if you're trying to minimise her feelings.

She's mean and unkind.

Loosing your mum is infinitely worse than loosing custody of a child who wasn't even hers. But it isn't a contest.

You arr absolutely right and if she cannot see that then I think you need to call time and move on.

I just don't know how she's feeling as I have never been in that situation.
I've came over to my dads so feel a bit better now.
Was feeling quite sad at home today with her
I jokingly put so Rudolph headbands on her and she went off it.
This morning while opening gifts she put the news on...

I wasn't trying to minimise her feelings.
I was saying I had lost my mum and that obviously hurt at Christmas and I just wanted to start trying to have nice Christmas days or at least some happy memories.

I'm normally okay
I obviously miss my mum but I'm okay
I was upset today because I thought we were going to have a nice Christmas

You are very reasonable to try to have a nice time and rebuild.
She has no business telling you you can't enjoy Christmas. Or put on Christmas music.
Also it would hurt that she can put a good face on for her niece but can't build a more positive holiday with you.

When someone's actions show you who they are, pay attention.

She says she loves you, I'm sure..
But do her actions show you that?
Could you treat someone you love the way she's treating you?

There's so many selfish people who try to "one up" everyone around them, if she is in anyway like that, rethink this relationship.
She'll always be iller.
Always be more grief stricken.
Always be more sad.

And before you know it, you're in a constant state of managing their feelings, reactions and emotions and ignoring your self until you lose your self.

❤️

Woke up today and she's like a different person
Happy /smiley etc
I guess it's just the day for her
I'm pleased it's Boxing Day
Still the festive season but the pressure is off