2025 is the year I get my ducks in a row.

[Bookaholic73]

Without giving too much away, I’m in a very unhappy marriage. No kids together, live in a rented house, so no ties or need to ever see him again once we do split.

Financially I’m screwed. I need to pay off some debt before I can even think about leaving him, plus save to rent another place.

So 2025 for me is going to be a year of hard saving. I’ve got myself a FT job, so I think I’ll be able to leave in 12 months.

I just had to get it out and hopefully chat about it.

Good for you.

What are some ways you can carve out time for yourself over the next year?

Have you sought help from Stepchange or legal advice from a solicitor re the debt owed?. It may be that you do not have to wait another year before you can leave. Ideally you need to leave sooner rather than later.

Thanks @EvenMoreFuriousVexation
He works every Sunday, so my plan is to have that day every week to do something for myself, plan my future and maximise my happiness.

Thanks @AttilaTheMeerkat i need to be able to pass all the checks to rent another property, so i dont think i can do much apart from paying off the debt myself.
I can definitely afford it now I am working, so it’s just a waiting game.

How are you going to manage things financially, banking wise??

You need your wage paid into a separate, non joint account.

I’ve already set that up as I started my new job last month. The plan is to pay my half of the bills into the joint account, then literally use all the other money (except for necessities such as my own personal bills) to pay off my debt and then save.

It’ll be a tough year financially and emotionally, but I am ready for it. I can’t stay in this marriage for any longer than 12 months.

It’s not that he is in anyway abusive, so I am safe etc.

Good for you. Is any of the debt related to anything he's spent? If yes can you get him to contribute?

can you do any balance transfers to 0% cards to get it going quicker?

if you have more than one type of debt have a look at snowballing and work out where your best placed throwing money.

Yes some of it is, but not much to be honest.
He would never contribute anything, his severe lack of financial skills and secret gambling (he doesn’t think I know about it) is one of the main reasons I need to divorce him.

Thank for the tip about a balance transfer, I hadn’t thought about that. Is there anywhere I can search for one?

Yea I’ve looked at the snowball method, and luckily (depending on how you look at it) my highest interest debt also just happens to be my smallest. So the goal is to pay that one off first and then go for the biggie. It’ll be about £12k in total.

Just have a Google of best balance transfer rates. Barclays is normally quite a decent one. But you need to have a good credit rating. It's worth signing up to Experian for the month free trial (cancel literally as soon as you sign up, you'll still get access for the month). That will give your credit rating and show any debt your STBXH might have linked to you.

Put yourself on the council housing list. Depending where you are in the country (as long as it not London) most councils have plenty of one bed properties. In my area you wouldn't wouldn't need to wait a year even if you were on the lowest banding.

You could move into a house share?

Unfortunately you could be liable for any gambling debts he runs up so getting out quicker and get a legal financial separation ASAP by moving to a house share may be the better option.

Then pay off the debt so you can rent on your own.

Good luck!

Would a PT job on Sundays get you free faster?

Definitely look into balance transfer as you could save a lot I also put 2 credit cards onto 1 with 0% for 18 months with Barclays I also found it easier having just 1 card to pay off. Good luck op x

A house share is impossible as I have 2 children with me from a previous relationship.

I’ve signed up to Experian and he hasn’t linked any debt to me. I spoke to a solicitor who informed me that as long as his gambling debts are in his name only, it shouldnt have any comeback on me.

In regards to council housing, there is an 8+ year waiting list in my local area, so that’s not an option in the short term, although I’ll apply anyway.

I work shifts, different shifts each week, so a Saturday job would be difficult. However, once I’ve settled into my new job I can pick up extra shifts.

Go speak to your local housing officer about a deposit loan. It sounds like he's putting you at financial risk.

Thanks @RandomMess I will do

If he runs up any debt in the next year while your busting your ass to pay off current debt, I think you're both liable, if your married xx

Not if she wasn't a co-signatory on the loan.

Good morning everyone.

He is at work today, so I’ve started planning.

I’ve already decided to stop getting all of my monthly waxing and beauty treatments.

I’ll still get my nails and eyebrows done, as I work in a customer facing role, but I should save about £50 a month by eliminating the other beauty treatments and waxing.

I’ll also save a good amount on food, as I’m planning on taking my own food to work and limiting myself to only one takeaway coffee a week. I estimate that I’ll save around £30 a month by doing that.

I know that’s not a lot, but it’s almost £1k over 12 months, on top of the money I’ll be able to save from my wages.

I do have a holiday already booked and paid for in 2025, so I’ll just be sensible with the spending money while away.

I am starting to feel excited about this plan now. Keeping up that excitement and motivation will be difficult for 12 months I’m sure, but the end goal will 100% be worth it.

One thing I will say. I was like you and decided I was going to leave at a point in the future. The problem was once I'd decided that, I knew it was truly over. I only lasted 6 weeks before I ended it. He annoyed me over something else and I just went nah, I just couldn't tolerate it any more.

Check out moneysavingexpert- great website and the forums are helpful too!

I admire your strength x

Honestly, I’ve known for about 6 months but haven’t truly admitted it to myself.
I don’t really have a choice but to wait that 12 months, I literally cannot afford to leave yet.

But it’s ok, I don’t mind waiting. We both have pretty separate lives, so it’s not like I spend much time with him.

Thank you, I’ll check out that website. I’ve had a Quick Look before but didn’t realise they had forums.