Need to get a grip

[BecksBlu]

NC for this.
I'm 45 years old, good job, own home etc. I'm single since my last relationship ended 2 years ago. I recently had a night at home with my friend, had a lot of wine. After my friend had gone home I was listening to music which reminded me of an ex from over 20 years ago. In my wine frazzled head I thought it would be a good idea to see if I could find him on social media, I did and I messaged him.
For context this ex was the absolute love of my life and me his at the time but it ended badly.
Anyway he read my message but never replied but now I cannot stop thinking about him!
I've messaged him a few more times, none of which he's responded to he just reads them. He's with someone else who's pregnant and has a 2 year old.
I've messaged him again apologising, again read but not replied. Obviously I know he's not interested but he hasn't blocked me.
I admit I haven't blocked him because part of me hopes he'll reply.
Written down I can see how pathetic it is, how can I move on with my life and stop moping over an ex from years ago

Trying not to be too harsh as it's Christmas but op come on, get some self respect! Your behaviour is awful.

Pick up a few hobbies and interests and you'll inevitably meet new people through them. The library usually has a list of groups and events you could join in with.

Above all please stop messaging this man. Block him. He's not interested and his partner is pregnant!

OP - you know that's not good and you know you shouldn't have done it.

He's with someone else, has a child and another on the way! The best thing he can do is ignore the messages and not reply, he might think blocking someone who's sent multiple random messages with no reply might escalate things.

You need to block him, he's not going to reply and if he did it's potentially not going to be a nice reply. Take the power into your hands and block him!

So you messaged your ex who you KNOW is currently involved with someone else, of whom is pregnant?

Not once, but several times.

Supremely nasty behaviour.

Thank you all I know you're right deep down. In my head I thought he'd reply but he hasn't. It's been a few weeks since I last messaged him and I'm not going to message him again. When I first messaged him when I was drunk I thought he'd be pleased to hear from me, and yes I know how stupid they sounds. In one message I even asked him to block me but he didn't

I know. I'm not proud of myself looking back and it's not something I'm going to repeat

I hope the replies here have been a wake up call for you OP, messaging someone you know has a partner and kids is about as low as it gets in terms of self respect/morals, you're better than that surely?

@OhshitSharon I am better than this and I know that.
I was sad when I saw he has a child, I got pregnant when we were together but sadly miscarried.
I need to get a grip I know I do

I am someone that likes to pick at the past but honestly this can only end in tears - yours! Him not replying has made you feel worse so learn from that and stop. You are looking for him to give you something he can't. He is with someone else and has a family. Leave him in the past and get busy with your own life and remember it is very easy to romanticise exes especially at this time of year when emotions can be running high.

Nothing good will come from this. Just stop messaging him.

You're all right I need to summon up the strength to block him

In one message I even asked him to block me but he didn't

You actually suggested that he should block you? Was alcohol involved in all the messages? I can't imagine what else you might have said, seriously it's been 20 years ! Step away from the phone now !

What do you hope to achieve from continuing to message him? Are you looking for an apology or acknowledgment of some pain caused?

Have you been abusive or accusing? If not, quit while you're ahead and block him

@Baileysandcream alcohol was involved yes. The messages haven't been a constant barrage they've been over the space of a couple of months, the last being a few weeks ago.
The messages are more hi how are you kind of thing, nothing suggestive. I asked him to block me so I couldn't message him anymore but he didn't

@ohyesido no abuse on either side. Our relationship at the time was good, full of love, then the mc happened and it all went wrong

He's probably choosing not to engage with you. Why can't you block him?

If I'm honest, I don't know. I pathetically hope he'll respond, even if it's to tell me to do one

@Biggash I'm not unhinged. I know it may come across like that but I'm a normal everyday person, I have a job, friends. I just need to give my head a wobble

I get that, you just want him to acknowledge you but this is going to hurt you if you don't.

Spare yourself the pain of mortification now,before you end up with a visit from the police with a harassment warning.

I mean this gently

You're right, everything you're saying is spot on but in the back of my head I tell myself there's a reason he hasn't blocked me but I know logically this isn't right or healthy and I won't be messaging him again I've made a big enough fool of myself already.
I'm surprised I haven't had an angry message from his partner

It was over 20 years ago so you were very young when you were together? You have no clue what either of you are like as fully grown adults. I think it's just romanticising a what if as you know nothing about this person any more.

Please block him. He's probably not replied because he finds it supremely awkward, not because he's overcome with love for a near stranger. If someone from 20 years ago started messaging in an increasingly frantic manner asking to block them etc, I think we'd all be frankly a little rattled and probably talking about the nonsense with our new partners, not wistfully wondering if we should get back together.

Thank you all for giving me the wake up call I needed. I've blocked him and will keep it that way.
I've realised I need to have more respect for myself and his family.