I've finally made my decision, our marriage is over

[Winternights19374]

Been together over 20 years, almost none of them happy, just plodding along going through the motions .
Since covid our marriage has completely broken down as being in the house together 24/ was just too much for a marriage already hanging by a thread.
It has got worse and worse since then to the point we barely speak.we have separate bedrooms, do everything separately already , even holidays. So we are basically separate anyway apart from finances. And that we just havent said it yet. We are together only for the children but I can't do it any more.
I have said it twice before then regretted it as at that time I was penniless and a sahm so just stayed and carried on. Now I'm working full time and have more of my own life and much more confidence .
It's tipped me over the edge today as he's got me nothing for Xmas (not really bothered about that) but has also not got me anything from my children. He is heartless. I can't even be in the same room as him anymore, I don't even want to breath the same air.
So my mind is now made, I cannot put myself and my kids through this any longer. They are preteen and teen age now and are fully aware that we are having problems.
Financially I don't know how i will manage in the short term but hope my parents will help me.
Luckily my parents are coming to us for the day now so I can at least get a little enjoyment from the day. Merry Christmas and my thoughts are with all the other lonely married women today. We can get through it !!

Hey, just didn’t wanna leave you hanging and both my kids have gone back to bed for a bit after eating too many pancakes! I just wanted to say having got divorced very recently myself, I am so much happier and more relaxed not having to work around somebody else’s moods. The kids are happier too (young adults in this case) and I get to spend time with people that I want who appreciate me and vice versa and just be joyful and not sweat small stuff the way my ex-husband used to. He was incredibly good at.moaning. I tell you if it was national sport he would be the team captain and very famous for his skills! His ability to find problems when none really lay was incredible. The concept of counting your blessings was completely alien to him. Now I have returned to my natural equilibrium.

I feel happy and joyful and my life is honest. Thinking of you today; there can be great peace ahead if you choose to take it. I am not financially wealthy, but I am rich in independence and peace.

8 years ago the week before Christmas I realised my marriage was fully over and told him. You can absolutely do this.
I have my own house now and he's happily remarried. I've never regretted a minute of my decision.

I need to do this. DH has changed in every way (including gender apparently ) and I am so fucking scared. I've no idea how to even start.

Today I'm feeling sad because he seems to think everything is fine and that I'm the one with the problem. On paper nothing is wrong, and everything is wrong. I just want more than this.

Here is to a better and free 2025.

I told DH on Thursday.

I feel a little nervous about the future but mostly lighter. Actually quite excited.

Me too. Left my dementor after 32 years together. I am so filled with joy and peace, do it. I'm 55 and life feels like it is opening up again.

Sending love ❤️ 😍 💖

I took the leap with DD in July. We're still living with my parents whilst the house is sold but it's been the best Christmas in years. Good luck OP.

Jesus I am SO sorry you're going through this. Bless you, I hope you can. Be rid of this vile man soon!

Hugs to you, if you need to talk please do. What a nightmare for you 💖❤️

How old are your children?

I think you sound very independent, which is great 😁

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

We only get one life and it’s way too short to spend it being miserable.

Being single is great ❤️

Well done ladies 🥰 there are better things ahead!

Christmas a few years back was my breaking point too, it just cemented feelings I'd been having for ages but didn't want to face. I just kept picturing how different I wanted next Christmas to be, and although the year was challenging I haven't regretted it since for even a split second and honestly it feels like my life started again. It's hard with our DS but we make it work.

Single mum here of 1 dc

I am so at peace. None of exdh bad moods, walking on eggshells , no more dissapointments, no worrying what he is thinking , what he wants

Life is relaxing, calm, content and feels very luxurious (even though my toddler has me running in circles sometimes!)

You can do this, and you'll be ok.
I first mooted divorce this time a couple of years ago. But agreed to keep going.

July this year I was done and started the divorce proceedings. We're still living in the same house, and it's not easy, but I feel more hope for the future than I have for years.

There will be ups downs. But I've got this, and you've got this.

Sorry Op and everyone going through this . Christmas is a difficult time with such close proximity and impossible to miss what a "family Christmas " should be as lots shown in films , real life , social media at this time .
I think it seems like you have made your decision and I am glad you have your family for support . I think it is miserable for the children to be in the same household where their parents aren't getting on .So you are making the right decision for them and you .

As someone who made an effort for Christmas I too found it difficult when it wasn't reciprocated and little effort was made . Your feelings matter too and it will be better not to have any expectations of your H /P .
It won't be easy , a bit of an emotional rollercoaster , but I think you will feel lighter as others have said when you have a plan in place .
Take care

Today was ok whilst parents were here, then back to silence with each other for the evening. I've lasted until now even my son decided to be very ungrateful about a gift and I've ended up in floods of tears in my room just hating my life . I'm now in bed at 9pm. Kids are doing their own thing in their rooms . I can't live this way anymore, the kids shouldn't have to live in a house with parents that obviously dislike each other .
Feel so trapped , just need a lottery win and would solve everything.

Its so daunting thinking of the practicalities of a separation, as we have such a good system of who does the school runs, who looks, who cleans , who pays what etc. Scary to upset the balance

It’s hard but you’ll see that practicalities aren’t what’s important once you make the leap. Change is scary but also necessary. You’ll be surprised at the things that get easier.

@Winternights19374 I was there 3 years ago. It took me six months from making the decision to telling him I was done and by then I was so relieved when he moved out. It felt like a weight had been lifted even though there was so much to sort, colleagues told me how well I looked, I hadn't realised how stressful living with someone you don't love and who doesn't love you is.

You'll make a new routine, and you will be in control of your life.

It won't all be rainbows and sparkles, life isn't. Navigating your parenting split will take work but in the grand scheme of things it's totally worth it. I don't want to derail your thread but this is the best Christmas I've had in years. All on our terms.

You have made the decision which is huge and brave.

Now take your time to start getting organised.
Telling family and friends.
Getting legal advice.
Planning, organising and more planning.
Taking back control by making a decision will help.
You now have a focus for your thoughts other than your unhappiness.

Harness that energy into getting as organised as possible in the next 6 months.

Perhaps starting the new school year separated will be something to aim for.

Fully detaching emotionally will really help with separation.

You can do this, but reach out for support from family and friends.
Take all the help you can get.

You can do this.