If your child is with their dad for Xmas and you're not seeing family, what are you doing?

[TheMaskedSingSong]

Just a thread for mums who don't have their kids for Xmas. Especially if your ex is abusive.

I've had various invites but have politely declined as I don't particularly want to be around other people's children.

Get DD back at 6pm tonight then we'll watch home alone and eat Christmas party food. Tomorrow we are doing our Christmas day and for new years seeing all my family for a few days.

Today. I had a lay in, got up, showered and dressed, cup of tea, went to Christmas day mass, now I'm back and just had a breakfast bagel and cup of tea and snuggling up to watch Trading Places, my favourite Xmas film.

I packed DD off yesterday with reindeer food, minced pie, and a carrot as I know ex wouldn't bother. Also packed a card and small gift for him knowing full well he won't do the same.

I feel ok. Miss her lots but know she'll be having a nice time with her dad and when she's dropped back she'll run straight into my arms.

How is everyone else holding up?

Had kids up to yesterday and they are back on 27th. Would be with DP but he's doing family Christmas and for reasons I decided to stay home. I'm good, been watching films, reading eating Xmas food and chilling in pjs. This is my 4th Christmas divorced so I'm used to the routine of it.

I’ve been doing fine but just had a little cry. Kids are back tomorrow. It’s just one day and it wasn’t so bad but it’s hard to be alone when so many others are surrounded by family. I know I’m lucky really as I’ve been so busy in the run up to Christmas & I have plans for the next few days. I just didn’t think my life would turn out like this.
I hope you both have had a nice day.

Kids left before lunch and will be back on Sunday.
I've avoided social media and just treated it like a normal day (post the santa gifts)
I've cleaned, washed bedding, not been Christmassy at all.
It's my first one so been prepared for tears.

Gosh that's a long time to be away over the festive period. Any reason why? X

So that we each have an equal amount of time with them over the 2 week holiday period. I live away from family so need a good few days/a week to be able to take the kids to see my family so the trade off is that he gets them more this week.
It's our first one so I'm sure there will be changes in the future.

DD came back tonight. This was her first Xmas with her dad she'll remember. He did nothing. No stocking, no toys, no Christmas dinner, no seeing anyone, absolutely nothing to encompass the magic of Christmas for her. Especially the first one in years. I packed her off yesterday with reindeer food, minced pie and a carrot because i know he wouldn't do any of that either.
She said she was so bored she asked if she could do some drawing and painting and he just stuck the tv on.
Feel so sad that was her Christmas day but we're doing Christmas day tomorrow and we've got a lovely day planned, presents in the morning, Christmas lunch out, then going to the Panto with all our friends. I let her open some gifts tonight and she got a brand new bike which she's been grinning ear to ear about 😊.

Sad her dad is a useless and pathetic excuse of a human being and this will be her Christmas every other year though.

Just wanted to send a big hug and say I hope you both had a lovely evening tonight when she got back!

I didn't have my eldest for Christmas morning for the first time this year and held back the tears dropping him off yesterday!

I've had a fabulous day with friends. Lots of eating and drinking. I had Christmas with my kids at the weekend. Christmas doesn't have to be the 25th December. Mine will be back on the 29th. We do a week each and alternate Christmas. It works well for us.

It's so hard isn't. I find it particularly hard as my DDs dad is a domestic abuser. That's all I see when I see him.

But of course you have to be child focussed and big him up

I have my DS on Christmas Day every year because my ex only does 20 nights a year, and can't be arsed to make an effort. I do all the presents and tree and special breakfast and meeting up with friends for a long walk and then a lovely meal and games. If ex asks to have DS on Christmas day, I say no because I do absolutely everything all year, and anyway ex's idea of Christmas is to buy one present. He can't be bothered to go to court to change the routine.

DS will go to him tomorrow until NYE so DS has six days with his dad. Ex doesn't have to put himself out in terms of food/decorations/outings and DS is home safe before ex gets wrecked on NYE.

In those six days, I deep clean ds' bedroom, touch up paintwork and do any necessary DIY. I can work straight through, not have to worry about preparing meals, eat Christmas left overs. I get loads done.

It works quite well.

Op, I'm so sorry your dd had such a crappy day, it does indeed sound boring as hell.
But it's not definitely every other year that she'll be at his, as soon as she's old enough she may well say she wants to stay home with you every Xmas and ex will just have to lump it.

Sorry to hear your DD had such a rubbish day with her dad but pleased you have so much fun planned with her now.

I don't think you have to "big him up".

That's kind of gaslighting her.

Obviously you don't badmouth him, but I would just be neutral and let her have her own opinions.

Is this court ordered contact if so I’m so sorry he’s a useless lump but if not there is no way I’d do it.

plus never ever big up an ex more so if he’s been abusive as your setting the kids up for disappointment in later years when they discover the truth

mine are now grown but my ex came in the morning for present openings, but I had to stop this as he’d try to guilt trip me in staying for breakfast, lunch as he’d nowhere to go. All bullshit as his mother was local then.

He was also abusive and I got the I’ll take you to court and I’ll get custody of all of them when a few were not even his the twat.

I still see the woe is me posts on facebook and just laugh

But you don't have to big him up. That could come across confusing to your dd, as he will obviously not live up to reality. Just be neutral. She will come to her own conclusions soon enough.