gone off the boil-how do i get it back?

[mojogonegonegone]

haven't had sex with dh for about a month now. i love him a lot, he's lovely, i love cuddling him and normally i love having sex with him.

but have just gone off the idea.

i suspect it's one of the situations where once you get going again it will all be fine, but how do you get going again?

no sexy underwear suggestions please!

bump before this falls off actives

Just do it, make sure you feel good, grab him by the hand, take him upstairs and go for it.

The more you build up to it, the more nervous you are, the more you think about it, the more forced it becomes - the less you want to do it.

Once you start, you'll slip right back into the swings of things and wonder what all the fuss was over. Good luck

A month blimey! I think we have done it twice in about 9 months (have had a second baby in that time but even so!)

I think the important thing is you have said you love him and you love having sex with him and cuddling therefore I am sure it will come back don't pressurise yourself- it sounds like you have a loving positive relationship.

To state the obvious, are you under any particular stresses or strains at the moment? have you had fun lately? Going out and having a good laugh together might help you to get back on track. Pamper yourself and you might feel so good about yourself that you want to share! Hope you get back to where you want to be soon x

he's the one who has noticed not me!
he's being very patient but is feeling a bit neglected i think.

i just can't be arsed to be quite frank.by bedtime i just want to have a read and go to sleep.

so you reckon i have to just bite the bullet eh??

hate to be an attention seeker but has anyone any top tips on getting things back on track?

Just searched for Libido on Mumsnet talk and the response was:

"Your search matched more than 500 messages. You may wish to refine it."

You are not alone. Sorry can't suggest anything better than a regular good night's sleep and nice long cuddly lie-ins together, which I acknowledge is a less than helpful response (TBH the last time DW and I had a lie-in together was back in 2005 - sigh).

thanks daddster. you are right of course.not unusual at all!

from my experience what works best is to have a night out. Book a babysitter, go out with friends or by yourselves, for dinner, drinks, a film or anything. But just being out being me, not a mummy, I find always helps. Even getting dressed up a bit works for me.
But dont make it a late night though and don't have too much to drink. And if you can get the children to stay at the babysitter's house overnight, even better.

Good luck.

don't leave it so late in the evening? By the time I get to bed I want to sleep! Do it in the sitting room or summat instead.

I try and just make myself go for it. It's never as bad as you think!!! Once you get back in the swing of things yuor mojo will return. IME.

there is a character in a marain keyes novel who says that the only good thing about being in rehab is that she doesn't "have dermot pestering me me with his flute!"

feel like i'm turning into her1

I think this happens. A lot. All the time.

A month isn't long you know. Have you started on any new medication? It can have an effect.

Also, sometimes you do what you're doing and get a bit worried and that makes it worse. Sometimes you have to kick start it back into action.

I don't think there's any right answer to this question. If you want to make yourself do it, then do so and see what it feels like (you might be surprised). If you think you need a little more space, take that space and enjoy it and just ask dh to be patient.

If you are feeling tired and put upon, then try and create some more space for yourself and you might find things starting clicking again.