Whole family ignoring me at Christmas

[Ghostedatchristmas]

Every year I’ve made an effort to visit everyone on 23 or 24 dec with gifts. Every Christmas Day I send a message or call to say merry Christmas because DM always says there isn’t enough room for me to go round as well as both my sisters and their dc.

Throughout the year it’s always me doing all the running and initiating all contact.

I decided a few months ago to just stop initiating everything. I’ve heard nothing. From anyone . No calls, texts, cards or gifts. It’s like I don’t exist.

Im the oldest and I have a different dad to my sisters although growing up as I didn’t see him it was like we were all full sisters (or so I thought) but it’s made me realise - without me doing all the running they aren’t interested . I’m not going to let it ruin my day but I needed to get it out somewhere !!!

That's really hurtful of them. Well done for finally finding the courage to stop doing all the running around, it's a hard thing to do. I hope you are with people who care about you today.

Yes thankyou I am, I just have taken a few moments for myself as I do feel hurt but maybe it’s what i needed to know ? The fact it’s Christmas Day and they can’t even send a message ? It really says a lot. I need to remind myself over and over that their actions don’t define my worth. It’s just hard I feel a fool for doing all the running for so long when they didn’t like me!

That’s really hurtful

You certainly will be on their minds today though OP. Your mother will feel guilt,

'I decided a few months ago to just stop initiating everything. I’ve heard nothing. From anyone . No calls, texts, cards or gifts. It’s like I don’t exist.'

How incredibly hurtful and upsetting. What a very powerful and unpleasant message 😞 it's so hard OP but you can't have a relationship all by yourself x

The last time I got in touch with them was April as I’d tried to arrange a get together and said to each person let me know some dates you’re free and I’ll arrange / host that it might be nice to all see each other . Then I waited and not one person got back to me so I didn’t follow it up and that was that I guess.

I have 3 dc and I feel sad for them more than myself as they don’t fully understand why they aren’t seeing granny/cousins etc anymore but thinking back there was always a strange atmosphere whenever we saw anyone and maybe I was just pushing too much and annoyed them? I don’t know. I’m going to go and have a large glass of wine now and try to enjoy Christmas I just needed to get it off my chest as I think once it got to 12 and DM even hadn’t text merry Christmas I thought ‘well that’s that then !’

To exclude you is inexcusable.
One extra person would do no harm but they sound like greedy takers anyway.

I hope you have a lovely day and keep up the no contact.

Well done for not doing all the running around for them. They have shown their true colours.

What genuinely awful people.

May this Christmas be the start of your freedom from them.

Cut them off.

Create happy family with your own dcs and please do not give the joysuckers any more attention.

You tried. They didn't care. You can't make them care. Now it's time for you to focus on you only and show your dcs that you don't keep flogging a dead horse.

Merry Christmas OP 🌻 you sound lovely. The fact they don't include you will hurt them in ways they don't understand. Enjoy your wine!

Hi op, you are worth so much more than this treatment from your family. It must be so hard and I'm so sorry to read this, but remember it says more about them than it does about you. I can imagine you'd never dream of excluding someone like that yourself because you're a lovely human being. Sending hugs, hope you can do something nice for yourself like a Christmas day walk. Christmas wishes to you🎄

Pour all your love and care into your own family from now on. Teach them this is how to be a family, how to keep family together for the future. You can be the teacher from your lived experience. Have a lovely rest of the day with your own chosen and made family.

I know exactly how you feel OP. No one other than my mum, dad & one of my cousins bother with my son (7), me & my husband.

We come from a large family. Mum has 3 sisters. Each of them has between 3-5 children each. I have multiple cousins who have kids. My husband has 5 brothers, mum, dad etc.

Not one of them gets in contact. My son has never met my husband's family & mine have never sent as much as a text - ever. The one cousin that does bother sends my son a birthday & Christmas gift which is appreciated, but don't see him outside of that.

The family are all very tight & close with the rest of them, just not us for no reason at all. We have never had an invite to anything. No dinners, birthdays, events, holidays, gifts, texts etc.

Keep your head up. You are no worse off without them.

Merry Christmas 🎄 @Ghostedatchristmas

It’s so hard isn’t it . I feel bad for my dc as they are so lovely and it just is such a strange feeling that nobody seems interested in them and they are children ??!!

Oh lovely, I really feel for you. My family of origin are like that too. I used to be the one to go see them, take gifts etc. About 3 years ago my DH said that communication can go two ways, and I should stop doing so much running after them.
Like you, there's been complete radio silence from them. There's nowt so odd as family!
It's your mother and siblings' loss.
Have a good day with your own family that you've created, and it'll sting a bit less next year.

Absolutely this .
Can't fit you in ?? Disgusting

It will be the mother being pressurised by the stepfather to not
have you around maybe.

People are weird. It's their loss. Better to not have them in your life than accepting the crumbs of grudged contact they may throw at you.

Shame as you and your family sound great. Agree it's probably to appease the stepfather. You're correct to walk away and concentrate on your own family as they don't care. It hurts enormously this time of year but you can show your family what it's all about instead of wasting time on those who don't bother. It's not easy but hope it gets better and that they don't need you for anything in future as you'll be radio silencing them, eh?