Christmas Day thread for anyone affected by family estrangement

[Darker]

Good morning. This is a thread for anyone who is finding Christmas tough this year because of being ‘no contact’ with family, or who just wants to pop in and say hello to people in the same situation.

I am estranged from my family. It’s peaceful now in that most of the people involved have either passed away or have accepted that no contact means no contact. I’m not sad about not seeing those people, but I am sad that my little family doesn’t have ‘family’ to visit at this time of year.

Hello OP.

I'm in a similar position to you in that a lot of my family have passed away and of those remaining there is only one, my sister, who will remotely care that I have no contact.
It's surprised me this year because I've felt really nostalgic and sad for my childhood Christmases. I don't think at the time they were particularly happy but somehow this year my memory has picked out bits and made them seem rosier than what they were. It must be old age!

Wishing you and your little family a peaceful and enjoyable Christmas.

Yes im estranged hurts everyday. It is embarrassing as well and lonely

Hello @Tomorrowistheday . Funny I have the same thing. I’m definitely lacking the excitement I used to feel as a child and as a parent of small children. Now I really could do without any of it, to be honest, but I am immensely grateful to be spending it with three of the four people I love most in the world, without having to negotiate with people who treat Christmas as a competitive sport.

@Candy24 I’m sorry you are hurting. What are your plans for today?

We just finished Christmas and honestly had a beaitiful day with my kids and husband.

It just sucks the estranged family members dont change

I have more peace in my life but sad my own mother doesn’t love me

but I have two beautiful kids and home and dh is kind ❤️

I'm so sorry for your pain

For me it's always been the knowledge that contact with my family was more painful than the estrangement that kept me going.

But the sad " if only" feeling never goes away: if only my family had seen things from my point of view just a little bit. If only I wasn't always seen as the one in the wrong, " the black sheep".
And just the longing for a "normal" caring family.

I hope the hurt lessens for you over time.

But I accept it has to be this way. My mum has spent years putting me down. Causing drama (including screaming at dh who is a quiet man). I think trying to sabotage my marriage as she could no longer control me or laugh at me. As a kid calling me an alcoholic if I came home from school late. Mocking. Then last Christmas telling me I spoilt Christmas Eve for my brother by calling then giving filthy looks. She’s diagnosed depressed but it’s more than that.

but anyway … it’s a lot to digest but I have peace now. Hope you are having lovely Christmas days

For me it's always been the knowledge that contact with my family was more painful than the estrangement that kept me going.

Absolutely. I feel sad sometimes that I have a mother out there I can't be in contact with, but rather NC than having to be in her orbit.

Hugs. My mum keeps calling social services and causing trouble. Social services are so annoyed as they clear us everytime but she wont give up. She is relentless.the most shameful thing is she has turned 2 of my kids away from me. now both my daughters attack me through any avenue they can.all the services at first believed them till i show them evidence. It is the most shameful thing and those how arent close dont believe me. Those close are disgusted and say it is all lies. Legal avenues are like wellnothing you can do she wont stop. Apparently it isnt a crime.

My parents have passed away and I am estranged from the rest of my family.
My other half has lots of family and I love them but I do miss mine.
They all live pretty close to me, too, and will turn their heads if they see me. Even their children aren’t allowed to look at me. There are other people within the same group who are also NC with each other.
And before anyone thinks I’ve done something terrible, it was all about my parents’ will.
I have tried to reach out, ask to talk and discuss it, but it has never got me anywhere.

Hope everyone has some gentle time, whatever that means for them. It’s only me and the children, I’ve been estranged from siblings for many years and both parents passed away a long time ago. You’d think I’d be used to it but this year maybe I’m just more tired but I feel a big lump of loneliness. At least the kids don’t know any different to it just being me and them.

It is awful, isn’t it?

Christmas can bring out a lot of tensions and, for some, the need to be seen to be the most important person, or to please the dominant ones… Often unconsciously until challenged?

Was remembering a Christmas a long time ago when I was having a tough time and didn’t really want the faff. Was more than happy to do my own thing (Plan A) but the family were ‘concerned’ and I agreed to joining them at a meal locally, which was a compromise. Then without consulting me it switched to a place miles away which would have involved overnight stays, lots more expensive presents for people. So I just said thanks I’ll be fine with Plan A. And was completely vilified. So much for ‘concerned’.

Sending you a hug - I'm in the same situation.

Im really sorry you are. It completely is just so foreign

Estranged family close by , house oppposite side of street Can see them through the window.

I’m estranged from my family and it’s tough. I’m fortunate to have an incredible son and we’re having a lovely time and his side of the family are really sweet, but I feel a lingering sense of guilt for refusing contact with my side - even though we’re so much happier without. Being alone or just us does not really bother me, the guilt does, but I know in my heart I tried everything for it not to get to this stage.

Just wishing everyone who is sad peace and a gentle day, be easy on yourself

I'm estranged (thankfully (for me) they're all dead but Christmas and Birthdays are a very difficult time. It doesn't help that our child (16M) just had a massive meltdown. I just want to hibernate but I've got to do the dinner for my husband, son and I.

Merry Christmas all. Much hugs. ✌️

Wow. That can’t be easy!

I’m estranged from my mum and she lives in the granny flat that once was our garage and uses our kitchen. She is now at my daughter’s house with the rest of my adult children (bar one and his kids who are at their other grandparents house. Son and her not together anymore ) also my other grandkids are there. Husband has gone there for dinner so had to put back our Christmas dinner tonight. My mum took my sister in laws side when we fell out did even ask for my side. I wish she would leave my the granny place and live with my brother her favourite child I’m finished with my kids from today bar one son I will see grandkids if they bother to come inside our house while after visiting my mum. Most of time my kids will visit my mum and won’t pop in to say hello. My mum has convinced them she was the one that that bought them up. (I had very bad depression) not sure how they did that in most of their child hood at least the younger ones she lived 2 hours away and only had them in school holidays

@iwishihadaname that sounds unworkable! How long has that been going on?

Since august we have not talked. But her behaviour towards the kids has been drip by drip for years

That is hell....

My mum has convinced my eldest of things that never happen. My mother is just pure evil.

Sorry to hear about your mother and child x