Hello all,
Im new here and posting because I’m considering cutting a friend out of my life, but it’s Christmas time so I’m really torn whether to keep the friend or not.
I like her and we’ve been friends for almost 4 years. She’s the only friend that has offered me a place to stay for the night (3 times) when I couldn’t afford anything due to homelessness. I’m a full-time working teacher but health problems (directly and indirectly) led to homelessness. I don’t have family in UK and she’s also the only person I know who I can call in the middle of the night in an emergency - an emergency loan, a warm place to stay, a meal or just a friend to have coffee with on the weekend. (My other friends turn their phones off at night and are generally overwhelmed w family obligations).
When we meet up, I get quickly drained. She is quite depressed and there’s often unnecessary drama in her life that I avoid. When it’s time to part she begs me not to go, nags and strongly insists and keeps me for a few more hours despite my vehement protests that I feel unwell and exhausted due to health condition.
She did this again a few days ago, despite my putting on my coat and telling her that I will collapse if I don’t go. I tolder at least ten times very bluntly. She just ignored and insisted and got me to help her move furniture around despite my telling her I physically cannot. It’s easier to stay rather than argue w her - that’s how bad the begging and nagging is to keep me from going.
I finally left hours later as she protested. And I ended up in hospital. It was serious, life-threatening and I’m still recovering days later. Christmas plans are all cancelled and I’m alone recovering, weak and exhausted.
She also did something else that uprooted my life a couple years ago, but I excused that because she had a newborn at the time. She had just taken in a lodger that was clearly unstable and mentally unwell and refused to pay rent from the start.
A week later she called to say that her uncle was moving unexpectedly to our town and she needed her room immediately and wanted me to take her mentally unstable lodger into my home immediately (it was a lie; she no longer felt safe with the lodger, I found out later).
At the time I was living in a happy home with a friend-landlord. Lots of pressure from my friend, so I begged my landlord-friend.
Suffice, that lodger made home life an absolute hell for me and my landlord. I ended up moving out. Lots of stress and health condition flared up along with other problems, so I have been dealing with homelessness ever since.
My question to everyone who reads this is…. would you keep this friendship? Before you say absolutely not…What if it’s your only safety net? She does have redeeming qualities and a fun personality despite the depression.
I would greatly appreciate any thoughts and comments as I’m finding it tough to decide what to do because it’s the holiday season.
Thank you all so much.