Very lonely in general and alone on Christmas

[MyQuirkySwan]

I'm 41 and in a very long relationship where I feel very lonely. We love each other but we're so different and have different interests.
I used to force myself to be a part of my bf's family and friends circle, but I felt like I didn't fit in. They're ok but again we're just very different people.
I also heard them talking bad things about me and some even said it to my face. Since then I removed myself from all of that. They always pick my bf's side no matter what and it's a waste of time trying to befriend them.

My bf is also very critical of me. It's like he doesn't like me and wants me to be something that I'm not. Again, it isn't as bad as it sounds, but we're just different. He wants me to be more like them to be a part of the group. So I really don't enjoy doing things I don't like just so other people would accept me.
Again I have nothing against my bf and his family and friends, but it's exhausting to pretend that I like doing things with them. So I just don't. That means my bf spends most of his time with them without me. We don't live together. So he spends most time apart from me, with them.

I'm being painted here as a bad guy since I don't try to hang out with all of them. But I used to, and it just all felt very fake.
I don't know what to do? I feel like my bf resents me for it. And I'm being very lonely. He spends every Christmas with them and we're apart every New Year too. I'm invited so it's my fault. I don't feel at home around them. This is creating distance between us and tearing us apart. I mean me and my bf. I don't have a sense of family since my bf prioritizes his friends and his family over me.

I'm miserable if I try to be with all of them, and I'm unhappy if I don't too.
Any advice?

What on earth is in this relationship for you?

I’m not sure what this relationship gives you to be honest, or how much of a relationship it even is. You don’t live together, you have different interests, you’re very different people, his friends and family don’t like you, you don’t like them, he prefers spending time with them and wants you to be someone that you’re not. I’m struggling to see what good there is in this situation.

I think part of being in a long relationship is making an effort to be sociable with your partner’s friends and family, but also he should respect your need to limit it. Can’t you visit for Christmas dinner but not stay over, for example? Or do Christmas with his family and New Year together? What about your friends and family - does he make an effort with them?
Also struggling to see the positives from what you’ve said about him.

Wouldn’t you be a lot happier single?

My advice, get a new boyfriend. Seriously. There doesn't appear to be much with your current one if he tries to change you and resents you.
Me and my husband are very different people, but we don't try to change each other, we compromise, we make an effort, and we have lots of things in common too.
Also, where are your friends and family in all of this? You've only mentioned his.

Just think about what next year could be like if you leave him, doesn’t sound like he's your cup of tea anyway. One life xx

Break up with him and find someone you have more in common with and who respects your boundaries. You are not compatible and you’re wasting your time being with someone who wants completely different things from you. I don’t know if you have any children or if you want them but if you do, you’re 41. Don’t waste any more time with this guy. He’s not for you.

You and your Bf have nothing in common, he’s critical of you and so is his family. You feel lonely because you don’t fit in, a square peg in a round hole and they make you feel a freak for not being a carbon copy of them.
Find people who are more like you, find the square pegs who don’t feel the need to put others down for not being identical to them. Ditch the critical bf as he makes you feel rejected and lonely as your better off single and happy for being the person you are. X

What did your boyfriend say about his friends speaking bad of you? Did he stick up for you or support you? It's not surprising you don't want to spend time with them after that.

That aside, the whole relationship sounds miserable. There is a better life for you out there than this.

You sound very unhappy OP.
Is this relationship a habit rather than a partnership that brings you joy?

It doesn’t sound very healthy

I'm in a new city, I don't have any friends and family. I also suffer from illness. So it's all together very complicated situation.
They want me to be more active and fun and don't understand my circumstances. I don't blame them. I'm not that great to be around.
I don't have much to offer and for some people it isn't easy to change their lives, meet a great new partner etc. It' not a pity party, it's how it is.

Did you move to be with him? If so, move back to where your people are.