Struggling - Marriage, is it broken?

[ThomasRed]

Hi All

i really don’t know what I’m going to write here, probably a load of waffle but I don’t feel that I can talk to anyone about it, I just close up and shut down. Friends are shared so if I speak with a husband, it’ll get back to their wife.

I feel so low at the minute, I don’t feel loved, I feel alone and just a spare part.. I feel that my marriage is failing and breaking down, routine is boring and we don’t communicate.

There has been no intimacy since our child was born 7 years ago.. if I go to hug or kiss I’m told to go away.. I always make an effort to say bye to my child and wife when I leave for work.. but when she works away every other week she can happily leave without saying bye.

I miss affection and being wanted.. if I go to voice this I’m shut down and told that everyone is like this to a degree..

we can go on holiday or a break away and be total strangers, I look around and see couples just being tactile and affectionate.. I’m jealous of that..

see.. a rambling mess.

If your partner is unwilling to discuss this then yes the relationship is dead in the water.
It takes two to make a relationship work, you can't solve issues if you can't tackle them.
The only thing you can do in this situation is accept that this is it or choose to walk away.
You can't force your partner to work on the relationship if they aren't willing to engage.
Do they know how serious this is or are they stuck in a rut and just taking the fact that you haven't left as your acceptance of the situation.
Have you ever voiced that this is becoming a deal breaker for you?

I would seek legal advice re all aspects of separation and divorce. This is no relationship example to be showing your child.

You can’t go on like this OP and your post suggests to me that your wife wants out, too. So sorry

What is making you stay in this relationship?

Right now your wife is getting away with sailing through a marriage with one very unhappy husband, and she seems uninterested in making that her problem. That it intself doesn't align with marriage. One spouses unhappiness should always be the other spouses problem.

Could you be more firm? Tell her that your marriage is no longer viable and you won't continue to be married this way. See if that would help her agree to counseling or other kinds of change processes?

What you've got is a marriage of convenience. Your wife is obviously happy with the status quo or she'd try to resolve your issues with you.

Your sex life is dead in the water and unlikely to be revived.