Ex and my bereavement

[someon]

My partner split with me 6 months ago we was together 7yrs I'm still living in his house but moving out soon he does not live here the split has been a up and down rollercoaster with him actually making things worse than what need be i think because of a new women I'm moving out after christmas.

The another women its long distance so he hardly see's her they are just talking they are taking it very slowly she also knows about me so its hardly what i would call serious!

Ive had a really hard 6months with the split up i didn't want to split and have had a hard time caring for my mother she has been very ill dementia and heart failure in the end she passed away around a week ago and she was suppose to be spending Christmas with me its been a very stressful time its actually been the worse year imaginable and start of next year i don't think will be any better!
My own family live around 2hours away and i left my own area where all my family are to live with my ex this family are all in this area very close by in the short time i have been here say 3yrs I've not made many friends being in my 50s as it can be harder but no close friends me and my ex had a lovely house together and we have dogs too that I'm here with last year i hosted Christmas day for all his family and my mum big affair and with Christmas in previous years I've always made a real big huge effort house decorated beautifully big real tree ect ect this year nothing no decorations i just didn't bother as only me and what with my mum passing i just didn't feel christmassy ex has seen this as well as he has come back to the house ever know and again office here he also knows I'm now going to be alone on Christmas Eve / Christmas Day while he will be 5mins away staying with his mum and dad having a big family get together!
It actually upset's me as it suppose to be the season of good will! but there don't seem to be much good will coming from his side or family! Which I'm surprised about as his mum always makes a thing of how she is such a nice caring person! I just know if it was me and my family we would be there for him ex or not and would not be leaving him alone on christmas day after losing his mum !
He did keep going on about my son coming to me he has his own family young children and they are going to his wife's family with there cousins so I'm not going to be selfish and ask them to change there plans and spoil it for his young family asking him to be away from them its not fair
Im just interested in thoughts re this.

I wouldn’t expect my ex and family to host me (and nor would I want to - you are obviously not the initiator of the break up and I think it could be hurtful and upsetting to be there). I get the dogs are a problem but I would have asked if he could take them for a few days if they are the reason you can’t travel to others and then do so. What are your plans for when you move out - are you staying in that area or moving back to nearer your own family and friends?
I am sorry for the awful year you have had and hope that in 2025 you are able to take control of your own life and next year you are with people who love you.

It's tough, but you have broken up so this is how things are now.

Would you ask your son if you can attend his wife's family get together.

Sorry about your mum.

I would be getting ex to watch the dogs and asking my son if I can join them for Christmas Day.

I wouldn’t expect my ex to nvite me to his family’s for Christmas Day. His mum is loyal to her son, so if he doesn’t want you there then she will go with his wishes, as she should.

It’s a shame that you’ve had such a rough year but you do have your own family you could visit over Christmas and I would suggest that you do. I would also be moving back to where my family lived permanently.

Very sorry about your mum OP and I hope you’re ok.

However I’m not sure why you expect your ex and his family to include you for Christmas.
Regardless of the past years, you’re no longer together and he’s moved on by sounds of things so it’s not really for them to accommodate you.

Can't you travel to see your son or other family?

I didn't expect them to host me
Maybe ex just a pop in to see me maybe go for a short walk with dogs see if I'm ok i personally think it the least someone can do when they list someone i think going forward it would at least build bridges
As for son I would never interfere with my son's wife's family christmas his wife family are people i would not want to spend time with i will see them new year

I’m really sorry about your mum.

i think it’s natural to feel your ex should be a bit kinder as it’s Christmas and you are bereaved, but in the long run you will be much better off not spending this time with him.

There’s a new chapter ahead of you now. Things feel very painful at the moment, but they will get better.

What’s always helped me in difficult situations is setting myself a challenge, whether it’s something like read all the books by a particular author, or cook all the recipes in an old fashioned recipe book. It’s a small meaningless thing, but it gets you moving forward and making new memories.

It's absolutely fine not to what to go to your DILs family but you cannot expect to see or be around your ex. You've had a really, really tough 6 months but it will get better.

Reach out to a charity like Cruse or the Samaritans for a bit of support and try and plan out a couple of things you'd like to do in the New Year.

Really it's down to your son to make sure that you are not on your own.As this isn't happening why not spend the rest of today making sure you have a reasonable day tomorrow? Pop into town and buy a good present for your self and a special meal.

Agree with this. Have you got the DDogs anything?

You can still take them out for a long walk and play with them and their new toys.

Maybe take something like a flack of hot chocolate and spend some tube just out with them.

Have you got some nice food in and favourite film lined up?

I think you need to get out of there asap, its a shame you couldn't travel to family, being alone in the house you used to share with your ex was always going to be hard. Be kind to yourself.

not wanting to sound harsh but this Christmas will be as good as you make it. So, as op said, get up, go to town and get yourself something nice for dinner, a bottle of wine if you drink it, a present for yourself and the dogs, come home, plan your tv viewing for the day. Ask you son if he could give you a short call to say merry Christmas and say hello to the children. You might not want to be in the presence of your daughter in laws family but you could have a video call with your son and grandchildren if you have the technical ability. If you wallow then you will feel worse. I realise it’s difficult but just make it a self care day and pamper/treat yourself. Some pubs are open for a few hours on Christmas Day. Why not pop out for a bit and get some company? Raise a glass to your mum and try to enjoy yourself as much as possible.

I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough time OP but I agree with others, he’s your ex, and I don’t blame him or his family at all for not wanting to host or spend the day with you. You’ve separated and by the sounds of things he has a new girlfriend, it would muddy the waters for everyone for him to be spending time with his ex on Christmas Day.

Good advice from other posters to get yourself some nice food, a nice drink, schedule a call with your family, get out on a nice long walk with the dogs and then have yourself a TV day.

I am sorry for your loss, especially so close to Christmas but (and i mean this gently) after being together at your age for seven years and being slit up for six months, plus him having a new gf I really don't think you can expect much of them, especially if you weren't married or had DC together.
I would expect DS to move mountains in this situation. He should be looking out for you after his GM's passing. You seem to think that would involve leaving his young family. Again, no parent would do that but he should be the one making sure you're OK. You might need to put up with his in-laws but that is where you belong if DS cant cancel them. I'm quite surprised your focus is on your ex and his family.