Accidentall Omission ?

[Sladequeen]

This feels like it might sound crazy / stupid but I like opinions from others. Real life friends are sometimes apt to say what they think you want to hear!

I have a partner, we have mutual friends who are a couple.
ill call them woman A and man A.
woman A is more my friend and man A more my partner’s friend.
Ive known them both longer than my partner has.

Woman A is friends with woman B who is also an old friend of my partner , my partner is friends with B’s whole family, I know her very vaguely.

woman A told me that her friend woman B has been making a play for man A under the guise of a work thing but has been engineering coincidental meetings with him, messaging him , flirty and suddenly interested in his very niche hobby and needing his expertise to teach her said hobby.

she has contacted woman A to say she hopes she is not treading on any toes but needs his specific expertise and will back off if woman A asks her to.

Man A is seemingly lapping it up and enjoying the attention and woman A has been talking to me about it so I have naturally told my partner about it as they’re all known to us and I guess it is a bit of idle gossip but also of interest.

my partner had not passed great comment on the situation but is friends with woman B and man A on social media and has observed her posts where she is clearly baiting for man A’s attention.
I’m not following her so I don’t see her posts.
my partners social media makes it clear we’re in a long term relationship.

we have chatted a few times about this scenario with couple A and woman B and it’s been quite innocuous apart from us both agreeing she’s being a bit sly and underhand to woman A.

cut to the chase, today my partner told me woman B ‘tries it on with everyone’
he’s never said before this during any of our other discussions ref her.

i asked if she’s ‘ tried it on with him’
cue awkward pause and then he said ‘yeah but I told her I’ve got a girlfriend’
i asked if this girlfriend was me and he said yes, transpires she came on to him a few months ago when they were dancing and her friend intervened saying stop hassling him, he’s with someone.
bear in mind she would know he’s with me and he and woman B have known each other for decades, he’s her family friend.

i asked why he hadn’t told me before and he said ‘it’s irrelevant’ and that nothing happened and he’s not interested.

I don’t understand how it hasn’t come up since we discussed her being all over man A who is his friend and he said he didn’t think of it, had forgotten it even happened, despite the conversation coming up a few times lately about her trying it on with someone’s partner .

he’s told me previously when something like that has happened, much as I tell him if anyone chats me up or something similar so to me this omission feels weird, especially when she is an old friend and there’s been all this ‘scandal’ with our friends.

Ive let it go now with him as I cba to keep asking him about it, he says he doesn’t know why he didn’t tell me about her, he thinks he didn’t mention it because it’s not important . she is not a random stranger so I think it is comment worthy that a friend of his came on to him.

I’m posting here to gauge opinions,
is it weird or would you not think anything of him not saying anything despite there being ample opportunity to say ‘oh yeah she tried it on with me when you weren’t there’?

He should’ve told you.

That’s how I feel. I’m baffled by this and the way my mind works I’m jumping to conclusions and wondering why she thought he was fair game that night, or is she just an opportunistic person with any man which is what my friend woman A believes.
she says it’s off he didn’t tell me but she thinks it was dealt with on the night and maybe he didn’t want to upset me but he’s told me stuff like that before, and one far more extreme come on from other woman we know and I wasn’t that bothered, we both laughed it off so why is this different?
if he’d told me when it happens I probably would have thought ‘cheeky beeyotch’ and left it there.
It’s the not telling but until directly asked that feels a bit slippery

My other friend thinks it’s nothing and that he clearly loves me and move on which I’m doing irl but here I want to try and unpick it some more or at least unpick my reaction which is to panic and think there’s something amiss in our relationship

It doesn’t help that she is a very attractive and accomplished woman from a very rich background , younger than me, fitter and owns a lot of land so I think it might feed into my inferiority complex 😝

Only your husband knows why he didn't tell you, it could be he didn't think it worth the hassle since he has known her for a long time, it could be one you did make a fuss about. All posters here can do is speculate and I think for you that might be harmful and hurt your self esteem

Do you not trust your partner?

I do trust him, that’s why this took me by surprise,
I found it disconcerting.
because he had ample opportunity to say it and I’d have had the chance to take it at face value rather than a months later dripfeed.

It could be that the fact he is long term friends with her and her family and he knew what she was like but still danced with her that you might take more issue with her than with someone he knows less well.

Perhaps he enjoyed the attention and felt guilty about it, after all someone else told her to stop hassling him, what was he doing to stop it?

There are any amount of reasons why, he could have been a bit pissed and forgot, remembered later and thought it would sound a bit sus if he mentioned it after xx amount of time.

Who knows, your partner does.

Frankly woman B needs to be binned off by all of you, she is toxic.

I would get rid of her from the friendship group. She sounds dangerous

He probably didn't say anything because he thought it would cause issues.

Which it now has.

If you believe he turned her down, try to stop going round in circles over it.

It wouldn’t have caused issues if he had just said it when the subject first came up but yes it’s done now and discussed to death.
she is not my friend and I have nothing to do with her. My friend (A) has told her she sees exactly what she’s doing with man A and has cut off their ‘friendship’.
This has highlighted that couple A have some bigger issues as man A has not discouraged any of this but it’s clear my partner has discouraged it when it was offered to him.

I have been in several relationships with cheats, gaslighters and men juggling women etc so when this happened it rang alarm bells, when usually he would tell me something like this and has told me before when it’s a mutual friend.

i just needed to mull it over here for perspectives which have been very helpful thank you

i asked if this girlfriend was me and he said yes, transpires she came on to him a few months ago when they were dancing and her friend intervened saying stop hassling him, he’s with someone.

So are you saying she stopped hassling him when someone else pointed out he had a girlfriend? I would of thought someone he had known for ages and was a family friend would of known that already? So he basically hadn't mentioned you to her?
That would be the odd bit. Along with the fact he omitted to tell you about this encounter, yet tells you about every other.

I can see why this has left you somewhat confused.

Are you sure woman B is making a play for man A? Or could it be woman A has told you this, to sow a seed that this woman is making a play for someones partner, but in fact that partner is yours? Sounds a little far fetched but is it her way of warning you without actually dropping her friend in it?
And your dp has now informed you of the dance incident because something is likely to be coming out in the open soon and he can say, 'yeah I told you about it, remember'.

Yeah that’s sort of where my mind was going, he said he told her he had a girlfriend and that she kept on which is when her friend intervened and said stop hassling him, from what I know about her she is hardcore into drugs and ‘desperate’ for a boyfriend so it’s possible given her treatment of woman A / pursuit of man A she just tries her luck with anyone and if off her head is perhaps less likely to pick up on the rebuffs or to care if there’s a girlfriend in the background, plus her looks and money probably mean she is not used to being turned down so she may not accept it when it happens and expect them to give in at some point .

it doesn’t excuse my partner from omitting the information and I said to him how would you feel if it comes out in conversation later on down the line in front of me and you hadn’t mentioned it and he just said ‘well that’s when you would have learned about it , it was never a secret’

i don’t think that her pursuit of man A is made up, I’ve seen her messages to my friend and heard her voicenotes where she’s making a big hash of making excuses and pretending she’s innocently trying to learn his niche hobby and she spins herself into a web of lies which is where my friend told her she can see what she’s doing as can man A .
my partner has also confirmed this as he sees her social media posts where she is posting how she wants to start said hobby and asking for recommendations from friends for a teacher , knowing darn well that man A will see it and will offer, which he did plus other people recommended him too, it was blatant and amusing for those of us in the know.

woman A is fond of my partner and she thinks we have a strong relationship and she was shocked when I told her woman b had asked my partner out, she had no idea until I told her and was even more annoyed with the cheek of the woman. shes told her to eff off, And I noted my partner has stopped following her on social media when I was scoping her out today.

I am more confused how this woman B was defined as "very attractive" both physically and financially, and yet "desperate" for a boyfriend - unable to get one?
Also, you said she was "very successful" and now she's a druggie?

There is someone in our social circle who is a flirt. She flirts with anyone and everyone.

it’s just her, no one takes it seriously, her being touchy feely and showering people in compliments could (and does) piss people’s partners off but those who have known her for years are pretty much immune to it. I wonder if your partner has seen and heard her do it so much that it barely registers for him?

People like a quiet life he dealt with it and shut it down dealt with and over

I’m not convinced if he would of told you at the time it would of been a non issue as you are making out that’s why he never said

Successful and rich people take drugs too, and yes she’s desperate for a relationship, good looks doesn’t automatically make someone good at relationships.
she doesn’t have a track record of lasting relationships and although most of what I know about her is from other people it sounds as though despite her wealth and property etc she is quite chaotic and certainly her recent dalliances have been with hard drug users, people with money, or currently losing money, going bankrupt, losing businesses etc but definitely not street junkies, richer people for whom recreational drugs have become habitual.
she is from a rich family so regular bail outs mean she can currently still keep it all afloat and look good plus benefit of good genes and attractiveness

Well I haven’t reacted previously when similar things have happened hence the point of my post, it seemed odd that this time it was not mentioned especially when she has been discussed for similar behaviour several times since then.
its of no importance now anyway.
we discussed it and it was awkward briefly and I brought it here to process it and I’m over it now.
sometimes if something is not clear to me I just need to mull it over but if it’s not out of my brain then the mulling can be circular and unresolved, it is quite ok to need to talk stuff through sometimes and I think it’s helped me to hear various opinions