Do you have to be on the same emotional level for it to work

[WildBoys]

When the really big, life changing things happen I mean.
When they don't respond in a way you know you would if it was the other way round.

Hmmm. This is a really good question.
If they show no signs of being able to empathise or expect you to be able to ‘just get over it’ or ‘just ignore it’ because thats what they’d do, but the situation or event thats happened has caused you deep emotional upset that YOU need support and understanding for, then I’m not sure it can. I think it can leave you feeling deeply lonely, unseen and resentful if your partner can’t look outside their own frame of reference and be there in a way you really need them to.
I think its important in a close relationship to be able to respond emotionally the way your partner needs you to. But it does take work, good communication and emotional selflessness.