Can he take our baby 50/50

[Hazelcupboard]

Hi, me and ex have a baby together she is 11 months old

I have my own place, a 2 bed house so baby has her own bedroom

Ex partner has recently got himself a flat. A 1 bed. (He was living at his mums where it was over crowded)

Since he's moves into his own flat he keeps making comments about how the baby can start sleeping over his "a few times a week" (his words)

She's only ever slept out once & that was with him over his mother's

Now before anyone thinks what's the problem if hebwanta over nights with his child

He smokes weed (only in the nights, not when he has her in the day times) So I don't know what his plan would be with that

He runs out of money constantly so I couldn't even know if he has money to feed her

He let's people in his home at silly times. The weed dealer, friends etc

I just don't feel comfortable with it at all

If he did apply for this threw court is there a chance he would be entitled to 50/50

I've always been the main parent. The appointment parent. The food shop parent. The buying essentials parent. The buying bigger clothes parent. The weekend parent

I do everything, he literally has her about twice a week for anything between 4-8 hours at a time

Unfortunately yes he I'd, and baby had his second name

🤦‍♀️

I wouldn’t let him have unsupervised contact with her at all. He could go to mediation or court if he wanted to but doubt he’d bother.

Don't bank on this his mum would fund the application fee it's under £300

Did he ever do bedtimes alone when baby lived with you?
I would put in writing that you want to support them having a relationship and you've been facilitating this during the day, but as he is under the influence of Cannabia most evenings it would
Be better for baby to be in your care at night time.
If he then pushed then insist on clean drugs tests. He might do this and fund it then if he doesn't then let him take you to mediation/court - there will be a clear paper trail that this is an ongoing concern and your only concern is keeping baby safe and you've done all you can to try to resolve it.

He won't take you to court. They're full of shit this type of lad. All talk. Just say "she isn't ready to be away from home yet for her routine, we'll talk about it properly another time".

Does he understand that 50/50 means he has to pay 50% of nursery fees and have her whole days not after work until he leaves for work the next day? If it’s his day and baby is ill then he has to take time off work and get a GP appointment if necessary. 50:50 doesn’t mean he gets weekends and you get weekdays either. Both parents having Every Other Weekend is a reasonable starting point so that baby can see each side of the family.

This is especially important as dd approaches school age. There are 13 weeks of school holidays so if he does 50/50 then he’s agreeing to cover 6.5 weeks. He can’t pick her up after work from your house and drop off at yours in the morning and count it as a night, he needs to pay for childcare if it’s the school holidays and pick up from holiday clubs that need to be booked months in advance.

I don’t know what age a judge would say 50/50 but I would insist on gradual transition and definitely not anything drastic like 1 week with each parent. Does he live close enough to make 50/50 happen? Dd can go to 2 different nurseries but can only register at one school and it’s the parent who gets child benefit or has most school days who usually gets to put their address on the application. (Address is important because distance from
school is often the criteria that determines whether or not you get a place.)

Well if it’s true that you work ‘in this field’ then I suggest you retrain, because you are now too jaded to show even minimal levels of empathy, and are therefore probably not terribly good at the job any more. Exercise some of that razor-sharp judgement to your own benefit and have a look in the mirror.