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Original poster

I'm confused about a situation and I need some help

21 replies

FastRoseBear · 23/12/2024 19:19

I've [30/M] been talking with a girl [33] for 6 months now. She is my coworker. We've not gone on any dates on account of her not having a baby sitter (2 kids). We text or talk on the phone almost every day and she's the one that initiates the contact. About a month ago, she told me that she liked me but wanted to be just friends because she doesn't see how we could go on dates or do anything romantic and that she doesn't want me waiting around for her. We've continued talking even after this. Fast forward to today where we were doing a gift exchange. We got each other some gifts and after we exchanged them, I hugged her then went in for a kiss and she gave me her cheek. I like her but now I'm wondering if I should give up pursuing anything with her but before I decide, I'd like some outside perspectives on my situation. Please let me know if there are any details you would like to know.

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 23/12/2024 19:22

She's told you she just wants to be friends. That should be the end of it

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/12/2024 19:24

Respect her decision for you and she to be friends only.

SmileEachDay · 23/12/2024 19:24

I don’t understand why you’re confused?

She wants to be friends.

CleanShirt · 23/12/2024 19:26

Women and men can be friends you know.

Pankoberry · 23/12/2024 19:27

What are your conversations about?! If she's said she wants to be friends but is then initiating conversations every day, then you need to respect that and for the best give her space and stop communicating with her. But she's also being unfair as she knows you lile her and she's playing with your emotions. That's not on. You need boundaries when you're just friends.

MushMonster · 23/12/2024 19:29

She is your friend, if you want her as a friend, but not otherwise available. I do not like mixed messages, it messes up my mind and my feelings. So I would break this friendship/ texting thing and be only strictly co-workers.
Life is too short to waste it on Love me, Love me not games.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 23/12/2024 19:29

Pankoberry · 23/12/2024 19:27

What are your conversations about?! If she's said she wants to be friends but is then initiating conversations every day, then you need to respect that and for the best give her space and stop communicating with her. But she's also being unfair as she knows you lile her and she's playing with your emotions. That's not on. You need boundaries when you're just friends.

Being unfair? Maybe she's just being friendly as he's reading too much into that

Pankoberry · 23/12/2024 19:32

Idontjetwashthefucker · 23/12/2024 19:29

Being unfair? Maybe she's just being friendly as he's reading too much into that

Show quote history

Texting and talking every day when you know someone likes you?! Yep, that's what i do with all my platonic friends...

2025willbemytime · 23/12/2024 19:32

Clean out your ears.

She doesn't want to date you. Leave it and leave her alone. You're in danger of becoming a pest.

TouchoftheTism · 23/12/2024 19:34

Another reddit copy and paste

/thread

Original poster
FastRoseBear · 23/12/2024 19:59

SmileEachDay · 23/12/2024 19:24

I don’t understand why you’re confused?

She wants to be friends.

Yes but she said she still has feelings for me. How can you be friends with someone you have romantic feelings for? Wouldn't those feelings get in the way of forming a genuine friendship? Even recently she told me she still liked me. That's why I'm confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
FastRoseBear · 23/12/2024 20:00

2025willbemytime · 23/12/2024 19:32

Clean out your ears.

She doesn't want to date you. Leave it and leave her alone. You're in danger of becoming a pest.

Yes but she told me she still likes me. It's only a pest situation if the feelings aren't mutual. Maybe I'm missing something.

OP posts:
Original poster
FastRoseBear · 23/12/2024 20:03

MushMonster · 23/12/2024 19:29

She is your friend, if you want her as a friend, but not otherwise available. I do not like mixed messages, it messes up my mind and my feelings. So I would break this friendship/ texting thing and be only strictly co-workers.
Life is too short to waste it on Love me, Love me not games.

I'm inclined to agree. I think I've foolishly invested too many emotions into this situation and now I've hurt myself being too eager.

OP posts:
Original poster
FastRoseBear · 23/12/2024 20:06

Pankoberry · 23/12/2024 19:27

What are your conversations about?! If she's said she wants to be friends but is then initiating conversations every day, then you need to respect that and for the best give her space and stop communicating with her. But she's also being unfair as she knows you lile her and she's playing with your emotions. That's not on. You need boundaries when you're just friends.

I agree with you. I think it was a bad idea to hold out hope for something that didn't have any potential. You're right if someone tells me they want to be friends, I should believe them even if they say they still have feelings for me. I don't think people just want to be friends with someone they truly have feelings for.

OP posts:
5128gap · 23/12/2024 20:16

She's told you she has feelings for you but can't have a relationship with you, because she wouldn't be able to give you enough because of her DC. This is actually very wise of her, because she knows the limited time she could give you with two small children and no babysitter wouldn't be enough and the relationship would fail. She is in constant contact because she has feelings for you. Your options are to accept the situation the way it is or create some distance. Either way, you're free to look for a relationship so it's not that she's holding you back, that's your choice.

2025willbemytime · 23/12/2024 20:17

FastRoseBear · 23/12/2024 20:00

Yes but she told me she still likes me. It's only a pest situation if the feelings aren't mutual. Maybe I'm missing something.

Show quote history

Yes, you're missing sense, intelligence, maturity and humbleness.

Original poster
FastRoseBear · 23/12/2024 20:28

2025willbemytime · 23/12/2024 20:17

Yes, you're missing sense, intelligence, maturity and humbleness.

Show quote history

That's quite an assessment. You seem angry. Are you ok?

OP posts:
category12 · 23/12/2024 20:33

If she wanted to go on a date with you, she'd have sorted out a babysitter at least once in six months.

She doesn't fancy you.

If you're happy with friendship, carry on.

DeliciousApples · 23/12/2024 20:39

She may fancy you but she has enough self control to not go further.

We can speculate as to why. I'd suggest that she wants to prioritise her children and doesn't want an office romance. They are notoriously difficult.

You have to decide now if you can be friends with her and never act out any thoughts if the relationship going further.

Or if it's best to pull back from her, respecting her decision, and start meeting others that are not colleagues with a view to dating.

PorkBellyMr · 23/12/2024 20:39

Listen, she's playing with you plain and simple. "Hey I like you but let's be friends" doesn't make any sense. Anyone with real interest in you does not want to be friends and she's using her situation as an excuse to keep you at arms length and extract attention and validation from you. 6 months is more than enough time to find a baby sitter. Cut her off and move on to someone that won't play games. Also ignore these idiots like @2025willbemytime who only want to get a rise out of you.

Hope it all works out for you.

category12 · 23/12/2024 20:45

She probably said she still likes you to soften it and avoid you getting stroppy. Even if you're not the kind of man who gets stroppy.

Outright rejecting a man can be risky or lead to nastiness.

She wants to keep you on-side because you're co-workers and she probably likes you as a person.

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