MIL rewrites history

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Does anyone else have similar with a relative?

My DH had a pretty awful upbringing- parents that would never say I love you, or show him any affection/hit him for being upset etc.

Anyway, he has recently tried to confront his mother on these topics, and she flat out denies all of it. She will either get upset or refuse to engage in an attempt to shut him down “how can you say these things to me?” “I can’t cope with this conversation” “stop trying to argue with me” “that didn’t happen” etc

More recently (8 months ago), she booked a cruise over Christmas with other family members, informing us she wouldn’t be spending Christmas dinner with us like she usually does.

Anyway, now she is putting the guilt on us for apparently saying no to going on this cruise (poor me not seeing my grandchildren on Christmas etc) We were never invited on it, but she is now lying saying we were?!

What is going on here? Why do some people rewrite history like this?

My MIL has flat out denied some of the awful things she’s said to me when my DH hasnt been present. After this happening a few times I now will not make plans to see her without him being there - she behaves much better in front of him and if she did say something bad I’d have a witness.

i hate the idea that there could be even a tiny part of DH who believes his MIL over me so I just won’t put myself in that situation where it’s her word vs mine.

Advise she needs testing for early dementia as her memory is going.

I feel like I give this response on so many threads at the moment, but there really is a lot to be said for telling awful people to fuck off.

Not as a first port of call obviously, but when it's reached a point like this where no good is ever going come of continuing the relationship, why not?

If she's someone who knowingly and deliberately brought him up without love, then there's no way she's going to apologise or acknowledge it. So I'm not sure that confronting her about it was a good move.

Other than that, then I suggest text communication. If she wants to know if he is OK every day (very unlikely as she didn't care for him much) then this satisfies that need.

He could ask her about the cruise on text as well. Record of her bullshit.