Husband bored of me?

[Matilda36]

Hiya, 1st time posting here. Hoping I could get some advice please x

Basically, my husband is obsessed with the idea of constantly hanging around with other couples, mainly in a drinking setting. He’s always moaning that it’s boring staying in on a weekend when we don’t have the kids ( they sleep over my mums occasionally ). The problem is, he’s very flirty and it ends up me just watching him and ( x ) friend chatting and flirting all night. I’ve obviously bought this up with him before and he’s just said he’s being nice because they’re my friends.

I’m not unsociable at all, but there’s been a few instances in the past where I think he’s crossed the line with his flirting and it’s kind of just put me off the idea. He’ll just come out with something like ‘ I don’t fancy them, why does it matter’. Or ‘We’re just having a laugh’.

It’s always my friends and partners he wants to meet, never his own, he just says he sees them enough at the gym or playing football, so isn’t interested in meeting them anymore.

He’s never cheated before or anything like that, but it just feels like he’s bored of me sometimes, and if I keep not wanting to meet other couples, our relationship may start to down spiral.

Any advice on what to do would be appreciated, other than the generic ‘leave him’ which I see on so many other posts. Thank you,

M x

Hello. Are you me?

My husband is the same. Whenever I suggest weekend breaks etc he always says who can we invite with us.? It winds me up. Are we not enough? I am a bloody hoot!

It’s very frustrating isn’t it. I’m up for doing things with people occasionally, but he’s a married man in his 30’s with children. It shouldn’t be boring hanging around with us.

In my experience men in a committed relationship/marriage still prefer to socialise in a group setting or with other couples. Whereas women (not all women obviously) are often perfectly content to just be with their partners for nights out, holidays etc. The flirting thing is a whole other issue though. He's presumably making a dick of himself. How do your women friends react to his advances? How do their partners react? I'm surprised they want to be in his company. You say he's never cheated before or anything like that but it seems as though he's far more interested in giving it a go than actually wanting to have a sociable night out. I think he's making a fool of you I'm afraid OP.

I think it’s 1 of those things where everyone knows what he’s like so no one takes offense. But I’m pretty sure if 1 of the other boyfriends / husbands acted the same towards me he would be annoyed. I think it just boosts his ego if he flirts and someone flirts back a little. Almost like he feels he ‘still has it’, which is pathetic when he’s married with children.

Just messaged back x

Sorry op. Give it a year and he'll be suggesting swinging. Been there, done that.

He suggested a 3 some years ago and I shut him down straight away. Said I’d leave him if he bought it up again.

I think it’s maybe different types of people. My husband & I are both happy to go out with other couples and also happy to do things on our own, sometimes we prefer a date night just us and other times we prefer doing things as a group. But my sister & her boyfriend are like your husband, prefer to go out with others and are very much a “more the merrier” couple- nothing wrong with that and are both the same.

The flirting thing would bother me though, I know some people are naturally more flirty people but if you’ve already said you’re not comfortable with it and he’s continued then that’s not okay. I wouldn’t want to go out with a group to watch my husband flirt with my friends either!

I imagined as much. He's looking for a willing participant and he's testing the waters until a suitable opportunity comes up.

I was with one like this for 7 years. The word 'no' was never enough. He wasn't stupid enough to directly go against me, but his behaviour was exactly as you've described here. Just a gradual chip chip chip until you end up always doing what they want.

I could be wrong of course but this behaviour is pretty predictable. You and the kids are secondary to his wants and desires.

There was 1 particular friend that he was overly flirty with years ago, and I could tell he fancied her, I’m not stupid. He did admit he thought she was attractive when I asked him. She was the complete opposite of what I’d say his type was ( look wise ), so it had me thinking, who the hell else does he fancy.

My partner used to do something similar - would always want to go to our friends house at weekends. They had a hottub and he'd always end up drunk, naked! Obviously was trying to entice everyone else to get naked for some type of 4-some! Yuck!

Gosh op, this is really disrespectful

What would happen if you flirted madly with one of his friends?

And why on earth are your friends receptive to this?

Did he want a threesome with another woman?

I really think this is a problem.

What will you do ? Is it acceptable to you in your future?

That's not true op ... you've taken offence and he's just discounted your feelings

He mentioned the possibility of a threesome years ago and I shut him straight down. He’s always been very sexual, wanting sex all the time, always talking about it. It’s obviously not as easy now that we have children to do it as often as he would like.

Didn't want a threesome with another man in the mix though by any chance?

It's all about him, isn't it and his teenage behaviour.

Do you really want this? He's being awful.

our relationship may start to down spiral

Sounds like it's spiraled already. I honestly don't understand why you would be with someone who clearly isn't interested in you. Being flirty with friends in front of you is so disrespectful and embarrassing

My husband is always planning romantic things for just the two of us. I couldn't be with someone who doesn't adore me.

You need to sort your boundaries out as you clearly arnt comfortable with them. My husband knows flirting/ego boost is cheating in my eyes so wouldnt cross that line.

Oh yes, 100 percent. He said he’s turned threesomes down in the past because he’s ’not gay’ and wouldn’t want another man present, only women.

It’s always my friends and partners he wants to meet, never his own, he just says he sees them enough at the gym or playing football, so isn’t interested in meeting them anymore

I don't believe him. He wants to meet yours all the time because he's more afraid of pissing off his own male friends if he makes a move on their women, than he is concerned about upsetting yours.

I’m not sure what to suggest that’s practical at this stage in your relationship. I actually dumped a few guys early on in my dating days that showed signs of things I didn’t like, one I remember because he whinged that it’s booooring staying in and that I never want to go out, I liked going out but wanted someone who liked staying in with me as well, someone who didn’t have a huge need to show off and socialise with others, so I moved on until I found the best fit, 22 years and we get each other entirely, you could still have that, but I understand it comes at a cost this far in.

So I guess what I would say OP is that this guys not right for you in terms of socialising and him just wanting to cuddle up with you, but your a long way in and have kids so you probably wouldn’t want to walk away, however life is short, do you want the next 40 years feeling like second best, do you think his flirting is likely to go further, is that his goal, or does he just like to flirt and be seen and have his ego boosted?

I tend to think we should work these things out early on, but we don’t always see the negatives or they don’t always show them, if this is making you miserable he is unlikely to change, maybe have a think about how you want the future to look for you in a relationship.

Unhelpful of me to say, but he sounds like a Pratt!

Well on the same grounds, you could say "I'm not gay either, so no thanks to another woman".
He sounds quite grim, what makes you so sure he's always been faithful when his behaviour and attitude makes it look unlikely?
It takes 2 to flirt, so if you are out with a friend couple, maybe your friend has an issue by entertaining him? You'd think under the circumstances, he'd shut it down. If you trust your friends though, I wouldn't let it worry you, just chat to their partner if they are being pally.
I can actually get behind a night out being more fun with more people, I don't hold with your partner expected to be all you need, in fact that's less healthy IMO. If my other half was busy chatting and flirting, there's ample opportunity to beat them at their own game. I think if you did, you'd actually find that your DH would start taking umbridge, as flirty people, tend to be jealous people, and can't take it when the tables are turned, hyppocrits.

You should definitely tell him thats great news because you really fancy a threesome too - but obviously with a second man because you're "not gay!"

Seriously tho, he sounds dreadful