Anyone else facing a very quiet Christmas and need some support?

[CobaltRewind]

I’m sure there are people in the same situation or similar and I wondered if we could support each other, even with a check in over the ‘festive’ period.

I look back at my childhood and whilst it was a different time and certainly not idyllic, Christmas was always busy and we had lots of visitors and presents and late nights, even laughter.

My own situation is very different. I’m very low contact with my parents and after having years of them (my father) dominate and ruin Christmas, they aren’t invited this year (much to their annoyance) and they’ve refused to accept how dreadful their behaviour was. I won’t even start with the gaslighting.

Both of my children are neurodiverse, so with ASD and ADHD, Christmas can be hard.

I have the kids’ dad for Christmas (my ex) but our parenting styles are very different and he will most likely sit on the sofa all day, wind the kids up!

So yes I do have company for Christmas but I feel very lonely for the reasons listed.

Anyone else struggle with Christmas? How do you get through the day? Days?

@CobaltRewind good morning. Could you have a word with your ex before hand and sort out a plan of attack regarding Christmas?? As in don't wind the children up?? I know it's difficult time. Trying to keep everyone happy. Here if you need to vent x sending hugs 🫂, peace ✌️ and love 🫂

It looks like it’s only going to be me and my child.

My mum told us we weren’t welcome yesterday and that she was taking my child’s presents back. I think she is mentally declining.

This year is a bit of a disaster.

@CobaltRewind If your ex isn’t bringing anything positive to your day or your kids day why is he going to be there? It’s okay to prioritise yourself in this situation and have a quiet and chill day with your boys instead.
Treat yourself to a new book and have a hot bath and a glass of wine while the boys enjoy unlimited screen time. Or plan a walk with scooters (unsure how old your boys are) to tire them out and then drink hot chocolate…

I wish I could have a word with him 😕 I’ve tried for 20 years to tell him how his apathy makes me feel, he an ‘anything for a quiet life’ kind of person so trying to have an adult conversation is impossible. I’d say please can you not wind the kids up? He stares blankly at me, like he has no idea what I’m talking about.

I’m so over trying to keep everyone happy! The children are still both in primary school and would be devastated (and blame me) if their dad wasn’t here.

Oh no 😟 I’m sorry to hear that. Was it very unexpected or is she unwell?

Is your mum by herself too?

They get unlimited screen time with their dad, so I feel this enormous pressure to talk to them… but unlimited screen time is probably what they want.

kids dad brings nothing, I mean he won’t contribute a penny to the dinner. I have the kids 70% of the time and yet I have to pay him each month!

I think many people find it a ball ache.

I'm unwell as have multiple severe illnesses. I spend the day alone under a cover on the sofa like most days! I'm actually ok with that. It's just another day to me tbh.

It's harder entertaining others sometimes if things are strained or you're running around with no appreciation.

@CobaltRewind could he see the children on Christmas Eve and then you can have a quiet day on Christmas with them?

@CobaltRewind my son is ASD/ADHD - screen time is often a comfort and preference to having conversation. Try not put too much pressure on. Let them.

There is a reason most separated parents don't spend Christmas day together - it's really hard! From next year begin splitting the festive period with your ex. Years your children aren't with you on the day indulge yourself - midnight mass (churches very friendly usually, but more so at Christmas!), lie in, delicious breakfast with a glass of bubbly, party food throughout the day.

If your ex won't have the children by himself that's his loss, it's not healthy for you all to spend the day as you do now with him dominating the mood. Model for your children that you matter too and don't deserve to be treated that way (as they do not either).

Primary age children may "blame" you for their dad not being there but that doesn't mean you have to do it, or that it's good to do it. You can make Christmas wonderful without him. As they get older they'll start to see him for who he is, if you stop pandering to him and show them that there is a different way to manage his behaviour.

You deserve a nice Christmas without your ex treating you badly.

This sounds terrible! How was your day in the end? Hope things are going to improve between you and your mum? Much love x