"I love you"

[Elektra1]

When do you say "I love you", in dating?

I've been dating someone for 6 weeks - we've had 4 or 5 dates in that time. I like them a lot. Obviously we're still in the "getting to know you" stage.

They've said they love me. First time, I sort of brushed it off. Second time, it felt almost like a challenge, that if I didn't say it back there was a problem. I don't love them (yet), because I barely know them!

I don't know where to go next as I don't want to hurt their feelings but I'm not saying something that isn't true.

The same thing happened with the last person I dated so I'm looking for tips on how to handle this.

It's a red flag op. It's a sign that that person doesn't actually understand what love is.

' Derek, we have only been dating six weeks and have so much more to learn about each other. Please don't say you love me as it makes me feel awkward and it's spoiling the lovely times we are having together.'

Red flags???😬

My DH told me after 2 weeks😁

been together 37 years

Everything is a red flag these days.

I think this very much depends on the person and the relationship. Before DH I would probably say when it felt right but a good 6 months or more in....

DH......nope knew I loved him after 3 weeks he told me at 4 weeks. We moved in together after 6 months and have been together 15 years.
I appreciate this is fast by most people's standards though!

My husband said it the second date and I said it back. We have been together 8 years and are married. We just felt this connection that neither of us had ever felt before.

And yet there have been numerous threads on love at first sight/how did you know he was the one? And lots of people have shared how love at first sight was a thing, moved in after less than 6 months but still going strong 20,30,40 odd years later.

I think society is now conditioning us to look for these "red flags" instead of allowing relationships to flourish naturally. Some people are more emotionally in tune than others.....it doesn't mean they are love bombing or a narcissist.

" I could say I love you too, but it'd only be to fill the awkward silence after you say it."

It's a red flag because when he told you he loved you so early on, he actually didn't. He had created a fantasy that he was hoping you would live up to because he liked and fancied you. He couldn't possibly have known at that point for example if you handled stress compatibily. Love is deeper than 6 weeks and that's a wonderful thing. It's going through the good times and the hard times and coming up together. It's lovely for you that turns out you were compatible and that it didn't put you off.

So easy in the early heady days to believe your in love, when actually it’s mainly lust and lots of mad hormones and chemicals talking - hence why when this starts to fade and you get to know one another better, you notice all the unlikeable, annoying traits.

Id be wary of this and to be honest it would put me right off someone if they said it that quickly. 4/5 dates?

Maybe love at first sight is a thing. But I think the issue is someone who declares it so quickly without realising how strange that is.
Also ‘love at first sight’ I would imagine to be more mutual. Not where one person is instantly in love and the other isn’t sure after a few weeks.

This with bells on. The MN spinsters wouldnt have it any other way.

I think I find the odd thing the fact that we're both middle aged and - presumably - she's been around the block just as I have. I've been the person with the feelings first before, and I'd not have pushed it if I felt the recipient wasn't reciprocating.

yep this

I don't know, it's been 10 years for me and I'm still waiting 😂