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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Life with hubby getting too difficult

4 replies

Lampika · 22/12/2024 23:54

Hi,
I ve been with my husband for 14 years. We have children. We have been re-doing our house for 7 years now and it is still a major building site. It is very hard to live a normal life. We are constantly on edge with each other. Hubby is very kind to me in front of people, although he is very rude towards me when I see my best friend.
He constantly speaks to me badly with sarcasm. I have 3 part time jobs (being a mum & taking care of the household being one). I m tired, just as much as he is but he will always make sure to put me down and explain that he is more tired than me. I keep telling him I m not trying to compete but I m just asking for help. That sometimes I d like him to be a bit of a gentleman and help. But he replies that we re supposed to be equal so why asking him to be a gentleman and help me with kids & house chores if I can't be bothered to do mechanical stuff or construction stuff etc..
The issue is I already do all that stuff, I constantly help him around with his stuff.
I m so fed and tired of this pitiful chats with him.
I was thinking tonight that if he doesn't change and show me kindness between now and when our house is finished, I will leave. I can't see myself with him once I m retired. At the moment, my jobs and the kids take my mind away from time to time but once I retired , my goodness, I can't imagine.
I ve asked him to show kindness when he speaks to me , he left the room, told me I was a weirdo and went to sleep on the sofa.

OP posts:
JoyousPoet · 23/12/2024 00:07

You deserve so much better than this, OP. He is an abusive man. Read “Why Does He Do That?” Or “Should I Stay Or Should I Go?” both by Lundy Bancroft.

I left my kids’ abusive Dad 3 years ago. It’s been no picnic, but I haven’t regretted ending the relationship for a single second. I wish I’d done it sooner. Being in a relationship where you’re being treated so badly by the person who should be your biggest cheerleader- in your own home - is hellish. Get out and find your peace.

Sending you hugs. Xx

dontcryformeargentina · 23/12/2024 01:08

He doesn’t value/ respects you and thinks that you are a doormat. Step back to see the full picture , is this what you want for yourself? Stop doing things for him, stop asking for his help, he isn’t on your side, prepare your escape.

Tittibits · 23/12/2024 01:54

He will never finish that house. Don’t have any more children. Either settle fir this life or leave soon and build your own happier life.

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