If you’re in a loveless marriage what do you do to make yourself happy?

[Cloakanddagger101]

There are no real issues in our marriage but my DH just doesn’t love me anymore.

There is no affair, no drama, and he hasn’t outright said anything but I know in my heart it’s true as he just doesn’t talk to me about anything other than work or the kids, he rolls his eyes at any conversation I try to have with him as my opinion on anything is wrong. He doesn’t look at me, touch me, enjoy being around me and doesn’t even come to bed. I can go on.

I know most people will say leave him, life’s too short but this isn’t something I’m willing to do for the children.

If you’re in a similar situation what do you do to make yourself happy? I need to start living my life for me.

How sure are you that there's no other woman?

Your children don't need to see their parents in a loveless marriage. It will make them think this is normal.

Are you willing to let your kids grow up seeing a relationship model where the man ignores and rolls his eyes at his wife? As that is the kind of relationship they will likely end up in themselves.

For me it started with yoga.
5 tibetans every day, it's short exercise (very hard if you do 21 reps, so don't to begin with!)

Then listening to meditations - (mine were in French so find your own) - every night to help sleep; if your DH joins you later that will make no difference.

Very important: if your DH starts criticising that, it's NOHFB. Giving up emotional involvement, he took his freedom but he's also given you yours: you're a free agent.

Leave. Short term pain, long term MASSIVE gain. I'm a year down the line from ending a miserable relationship and my daughter and I are excited about our Christmas in a calm and happy household for the first time in years.

Leave. My DD was 11 when me and her dad split very amicably, we both just confessed one night we didn't love each other, I bought it up first. She is 16 now and says the worst part of us separating was the 1/2 years before where she could ‘just tell you both didn’t love each other’ she said it was awful to live in that environment. Even though I actually thought we hid it all so well.

There are no real issues in our marriage but my DH just doesn’t love me anymore

pretty big issue tbf

• he just doesn’t talk to me about anything other than work or the kids
• he rolls his eyes at any conversation I try to have with him
• my opinion on anything is wrong.
• He doesn’t look at me, touch me, enjoy being around me
• doesn’t even come to bed.

yeah. Massive issues

I know most people will say leave him, life’s too short but this isn’t something I’m willing to do for the children.

erm you owe it to your children to leave or they’ll grow up thinking marriage should be a loveless soulless thing where you hate your partner. Did you grow up like this?

Break free.

Wow that's sad. How shit to exist like this. I left when my marriage failed
Don't be a doormat.

It is extremely unlikely that you are doing your children a long term favour by staying in this marriage.

You might be saving them short term present pain. You might be making sure they can carry on with their tennis lessons or whatever.

You are definitely making it very difficult for them to make good healthy marriage choices themselves as they won't have a clue what one looks like.

Hi OP.

I just wanted you to know you’re not alone.
However we have four children and have been together since I was 16. Now 33.

When it’s good, it’s good.
But I’m not prepared for the bad to continue. The bad is now most of the time.

I think it depends how old the children are but you would definitely be better off long term not together. Miserable for you both and miserable for the children to stay together.

Absolutely leave. I finally managed it aged 54. Now 55 and loving life again. Have a spring in my step and a twinkle in my eyes.

Sorry to jump on your thread, op.
But I find with these threads there are a lot of “been there, done that, and come out the other end thriving” replies.

Ladies, help us. I am miserable. But we’ve been together since we were babies. What do I do

I hear you OP. I’m even investigating having sex with men found on websites found on this site.
My husband works abroad ten months of the year. It’s been like this for the past four years.
I have had enough.

He doesn’t want sex, he doesn’t look at me, when I speak it’s wrong because it ends up in an argument, he’s lazy when he’s not at work.. I could go on.
I have had enough and am telling him after Christmas.

I love this!

Take a lover. Tell him you are at yoga.

You look in to what divorce looks like for you. Finances. Logistics. If it all works, then you tell him you want a divorce. Then you get one.

Thank you.

I am the main earner. I work 7 days a week (Own business but not earning loads). I bought all of the presents. I have wrapped all the presents. “We” are hosting. I have done the Christmas shop. I am cooking the Christmas dinner. I don’t mind this.
My parents are aging.

I just wish I had a man who loves me.

I have found a lover. It's only been 2 months but I am so happy again. It has done wonders for my self esteem. I feel alive and desirable again.

It did give me the courage to tell H this week that he has to leave and we need to separate. Luckily, H has agreed.

I am terrified, but also excited to see how I will build my new life.

We have been staying together for the 4DC for the last 2.5 years, but I have realised that all they see is a Mum who doesn't want to be at home and a dad who doesn't know what he is doing, compared to the loving relationship that we had previously. I don't want them thinking that this is normal.

Definitely recommend getting yourself a lover. I'm having a huge amount of fun atm after being with the same miserable git for 32 years. Turns out there are a lot of younger men interested in older women. What a joy it was to discover that 😊

I echo this! I'm almost 40 and I keep getting asked out by boys in their 20s 🤣 It's liberating

Isn't it fun. They are in much better nick and more cheerful and fun than men my age. I have a lovely 34 year old I am having a lot of fun with at the moment 😘.