Conflict with friendships help

[ELRainbow]

So long story short. My bestfriend for over 10 years recently wanted to cut off the friendship due to feelings like my effort shifted and I was giving other people more effort and made them feel like I didn't care about them. (I apologised and empathised with their feelings and explained why my attention may of shifted) I fought for the friendship and was like give the friendship a chance to which my bestfriend said sure, it would be ashamed to throw away a friendship like ours. (During this time I am going to therapy as I'm struggling atm to learn more about myself and work on myself as I have a lot of healing to do/change) I have learnt I have an anxious attachment type which explains my fear of abandonment and hating conflict. Small triggers like leaving me on read triggers me especially after someone wanting to cut the friendship off (also keep in mind I left them on read before which they had ago at me for, to which I validated their feelings, apologised and explained to please just double message me because we all get moments where we get distracted) but for me.. voicing that it bothers them, it doesn't matter and that I'm draining and annoying. Even when I explain it falls under my anxious attachment type and sadly It's something I'm working on. they just don't respect that nor try to help? But keep repeating the same behaviour. To which gets said "I can't expect everything to go back to normal" which I don't, but I'm putting effort in to build the friendship back and they said they would to. They also keep waving the friendship over my head by saying stuff like "idk if I made the right decision" "I keep thinking about if I want to do this" like it's triggering? One minute wanting to give the friendship a chance to then taking it back just because I have opened up about something which can help our communication?

Please tell me if this fair. It's like I'm sacrificing my own emotions. Don't understand why it's not hard to get where I'm coming from.

It's just upsetting because I always try my best to empathise with them. I truly listen and try to understand but if I ever open up about how I feel it turns into an argument & them being annoyed and going back on their words with giving this friendship a chance. When a friendship is two people. So effort needs to be from both sides?

I just don't feel cared about when I've voiced so many times I'm struggling a lot atm and I'm trying.. (what I voice that upsets me is such a small ask as-well just be considerate)

Any advice please :)

Your so called 'best' friend does not sound very supportive, in fact quite the opposite. You have tried to repair things with them but it seems they feel as though they are owed extra attention from you and are blowing hot and cold. If you are struggling and finding it difficult to cope l would drop the rope. When dating, the advice is to match the other person's energy, and not to give more than you receive. This friendship does not sound equal so l would let it go. Sometimes friendships run their course and this one sounds more trouble than it's worth.

I agree with the previous poster. Your friend sounds quite demanding and manipulative.

This is what my gut is telling me but I sadly really do care for this person & I'm aware I have attachment to people I care about in my life (I think it's rooted from losing a parent due to cancer). I'm not going to sit here and say I've been a great friend to them in the past. I have given a lot of effort to another friend and left them in the dark abit (I did give this effort to a friend in need during this time and explained that) but I can understand how this can make someone feel

My bestfriend did say they expect me to make more effort than them because they now have their walls up. Which I do understand all this but surely you give some back? You can't just let me chase like a puppy 😂

I am thinking clearly right?

This is all far too work. She is like a man who ‘treats them mean to keep them keen’.

Send her a message saying it’s time to go your seperate ways.

OP, l don't think you are being treated fairly and the relationship sounds quite manipulative to me. Out of interest is your 'friend' male or female? If you are still receiving therapy l would discuss your worries and your attachment issues in relation to this person and see if you can get some clarity.

It's a woman. Yeah I'm fresh In therapy at the moment that's why it's a struggle and why I've been so open

Great that you are in therapy, give it a while and hopefully things will start to become clearer. Meanwhile keep your boundaries high and do not feel you have to run circles round your friend or work extra hard to keep her happy. Friendships should be supportive, with kindness and empathy shown to each other equally so don't let her put you under pressure or guilt trip you to give more than you feel comfortable with.

Their not your friend. At all. Their using you for an ego boost, enjoying you chasing them and stroking their ego...... their going hot and cold because their enjoying watching you basically kiss their arse..... you need to walk away from this friendship.

Do it sooner rather than later because once you've healed and you truly take in how this person has treated and manipulated you.... your going to be very angry at them and yourself

You don't deserve to be treated like that and this person doesn't care about you. They just care about controlling you

Genuine friendship really isn’t that much work. Friend is dangling this relationship like a carrot for you to chase and moving it further away when you get close. That’s not a functional friendship at all.

It’s like your friend has worked out exactly what to do to keep you anxious and obeying. This isn’t kind or a proper friendship. She is well aware of what strings to pull and she’s pulling them. Go with your gut op, you can feel that this is off or you wouldn’t be here asking the question.

This reads like it’s about kids. She sounds very very immature..