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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner made me and my baby leave at 3 weeks post partum

9 replies

Sdapx · 22/12/2024 19:33

So my last post on here was my partner threatening to end the relationship when I was 33 weeks pregnant. We managed to get through that but turns out that was only temporary. I had an emergency c section delivery in the end and since giving birth my partner has made it all about him and how he feels. I tried to be as understanding as possible but given my situation there was only so much support I could offer. He would put pressure on me to include his mum she has always come first in our relationship. One day things got really bad and we had a huge row. He told me to take the baby and “fuck off”. I let things settle for a couple of days, even found myself apologising saying I want us to do anything it takes to keep our family together and even once things calmed down, he looked me in the eye said I don’t love you, he was 100% done and why haven’t I “fucked off yet”. I had no choice but to pack a bag for me and our baby and go to my parents house. He then left to his mums and is living there so the house is empty.. make that make sense?!. Now he is being nasty, threatening to take the baby (he is on the birth certificate). We met up for a few walks but he was so cruel to me, not interested in seeing the baby just wanting a row with me. I have now taken legal action but I am so scared what our future looks like. My baby is only 5 weeks old and we share a mortgage. Any advice would be appreciated

OP posts:
Joelle84 · 22/12/2024 19:37

Wow this is terrible. Im really sorry this has been such a difficult start to motherhood for you. Id get legal advice. Id also write down whats happened so far, whats been said, dates etc. so you have a log to refer back to. Does he have mental health issues? Also id the house is joint owned and hes living with his mum, id go back and live there in the interim

caringcarer · 22/12/2024 20:06

If you're still paying half the mortgage you could still live there rather than leave it empty. You might have to consider selling it to get your deposits back.

Sdapx · 22/12/2024 20:17

I’m worried if I move back, he could also come back and make my life hell!

OP posts:
Sdapx · 22/12/2024 20:19

The emotional turmoil this has caused is horrendous. My parents house is not set up for a baby but if I move back home I’m worried he could also come back to spite me, he has a I don’t want it but you can’t have it attitude. Yes I think he has mental health issues but wouldn’t admit it and it’s all coming out now when I need him most as this is just not normal!

OP posts:
wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 22/12/2024 20:19

You need urgent legal advice and to get that cruel bastard out of your life.

Gravitasdepleted · 22/12/2024 20:20

Unfortunately you have had a baby with an abusive man. Don't ever forget this, don't ever trust him, he is the enemy. His behaviour is not normal or decent, he will use your child to further abuse you both as long as he is able. Plan yours lives accordingly.

Go back and live in the house, speak to a lawyer see if you can get a non molestation order against him to keep him away. Document all his behaviour (detailed diary, texts etc, get it in writing if you can), the verbal abuse, the upcoming financial abuse (trust me it's coming), and anything else he throws your way. It will help in court. Put house on market for sale as soon as you can.

And if I were you after the sale, id move as far away from him as possible, make it very difficult for him to see baby. I'm sure plenty on here will disagree with me on this, and none of them have had the heart break of seeing their child used as a pawn of abuse. You can move wherever you like within the country with a good reason, job opportunities, cheaper housing, support etc.

Claim child support through the CMS. Look up grey rock, always use it. Educate yourself on how to manage your situation, plenty of advice on mumsnet. Always centre your child's wellbeing in any communication with him. Be aware anything you do or say could be used by him against you, so be careful. Get on and plan your lives without him in it.

Leafy74 · 22/12/2024 20:23

Sorry. Ignore. Didn't see the info in OP.

Patienceinshortsupply · 22/12/2024 20:28

Stay with your parents, you need the support right now. And honestly, I'd turn your phone off and just avoid all contact with him right now.

A PP was right that you've had a baby with an abusive man, and you really should contact Women's Aid for further advice on how to deal with him. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this on top of trying to recover from birth and looking after your newborn. Don't let him ruin this for you Flowers

MrsCarson · 22/12/2024 21:33

Get a residency order for the baby in case he does try to take him or refuse to return him after a visit.

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