How to let go of a friendship

[Bublesatchristmas]

I've thought about this one a lot, it's just not for me any more and every time I see this person she's bragging about how wealthy she is or trying to somehow (maybe not intentionally) make me feel bad. I was recently made redundant and have been through a health scare and no longer want to spend time with people whose company I don't enjoy. But I feel guilty and also feel pressured into seeing her. I struggle with boundaries anyway. Would welcome any advice.

Slow fade. Take longer and longer to respond and let the relationship drift.

I've been through exactly the same thing @Bublesatchristmas.

The friend in question seemed to enjoy my struggles as it made her life seem so much better.
I slowly withdrew from her as I used to feel so bad when I spent time with her.
She sent me a message asking if everything was ok and I replied that I was having a difficult time at the moment and just needed some space.
That was 4 years ago and I feel so much lighter not being around her.

You’re doing this to yourself, OP. No one can make you feel guilty or ‘pressured’. Your only decision is whether to explain why you’re ending things or not.

Thanks all these replies are helpful. You're right fistle it's my fault I feel pressured and guilty, I don't want to hurt her obviously. I've let too many things slide without saying anything.

The friend in question seemed to enjoy my struggles as it made her life seem so much better.
That's exactly it, I think she wants to feel like her life is better than mine.

Seems like the slow fade is the best way to go, I will try it.

That’s what I mean, though. If your encounters involve her boasting about her life without giving a passing thought to your likely state of mind after job loss and a health scare, then you’re putting considerably more thought into not hurting her than she is into not hurting you.

You need to give yourself permission to prioritise your own well-being.

Thanks Fistle I hadn't thought of it that way, I do need to.

If you want to end the friendship be honest with her. Don't just ignore her.

If you consistently feel worse after seeing a friend, you need to leave this friendship.
There’s no need for an announcement, just let things drift. Tell her you’re busy .

@Bublesatchristmas
I struggle with boundaries anyway.

This will be a good situation for you to improve your skills.

I understand the reluctance to completely throw relationships away. I think it would be best to fade it - I wouldn't make an announcement, or try to "work things out" with her. It would only add more unhappy interactions into the mix.

Space out the time between calls or meetings. Keep them as brief as possible. And DON'T TELL HER ANYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF. If she asks, just say, "Oh, that's coming along," or something like that.

Be open to ways of adding people to your life who improve it!
x

Thanks BaguetteLady I will try that, that sounds like good advice. Yes I would really like to be open to some new friends in the new year.

Thanks all for the comments on here, it has helped.

I have this. Some people really do not want you to do well or succeed. Just give very little info each time.

And leave at least three days or more before you reply to messages. And then four days and then five days. Don't worry about seeming 'rude'. Always be polite in texts.

A 'friend' checks in from time to time to make sure I'm still doing badly after a shitty divorce and financial devastation. I recognise her motives - my circumstances make her feel better - so I don't reply to her messages until a couple of days later and I never ever tell her any good news. I just make out things are as shit as they ever were. Same with my exh. I never tell him good news either.

Thanks SugarPlumpFairyCakes that's helpful. Sounds like you've had a lot to face and are moving through it, all credit to you.