Oh fuck. Single again.

[2024cansuckit]

Argument with the partner this week...been together 10 ish months...he's taking some time to think about things but ignoring my messages totally...told him he needs to communciate in order to right our wrongs and the things we said in the heat of the moment.

To ignore someone completely while your taking time to think but state you don't want to end it is driving me mad. Argument wasn't bad but we both snapped at each other a little however I made valid points which he clearly didn't like about he doesn't step up as much as he could for his mum (who he is currently living with short term) or his sister who's having major surgery soon with 2 small kids....he has no kids..I was abrupt and cross but nothing that can't be communicated properly about.

Been 3 days of ignoring me so I just said I can't do this ignoring stuff anymore, anyway, he messaged back and he thinks I am evil and can't see a way forward and its over.
He's collected his bits and bobs...and I gave him the presents I got him (bought too long ago to return) however when I asked him to come over the other night he was too busy in the pub with the lads...ugh

Just needed to write it out. Don't want it to end over an argument where we both said some cutting things guess some people can't deal with that?

I don't know. Please be gentle. I'm really sad it's taken me a long time after abuse to venture out again.

Never thought of that in my haze. Your right.

Sits in his room eating his tea his mum makes because he doesn't like the TV programmes she watches was a big one for me...

So you're dating a 15 year old boy?

...

Hardly a catch this one.

You’ve dodged a bullet, OP. You can’t live with someone who seriously calls you evil.
and you’re not happy with the way he treats the other women in his life.

Absolutely 💯

A couple of points.
Why are you arguing about how he manages his relationship with his family?
Why invite him over when he's said it's done?
The Gottman Institute clearly states, that in an argument men and women react physiologically and psychologically differently.

Interestingly DP and I have similar issues. Although he doesn't retreat for weeks at a time.

Your better of single for the sounds of it.
Ive been single for years if the right one turns up so be it but im not looking for anyone.
And i could never live with anyone again.
I love my freedom to sleep with who i want no strings attached.

Stop texting him. It just fuels their ego and gives them the satisfaction that what they have done is affecting you. You shouldn’t have given him those presents either.

You don't want someone who ends the relationship over you pointing out that he should be treating his family better.

I don't think it matters much who is "in the wrong", so to speak, when it's a short relationship, no mortgage or kids. Reminds me of an ex who wanted to argue the toss about this after it was over - why bother? I didn't want to win the argument, I just wanted out. If it's not working it's not working, so better to get out quickly and cut all contact. Waiting for him to come back because it might be "meant to be" just prolongs the pain. Plus it isn't meant to be if it's this rancorous between them already.

So. Much. This.

I'm 50 and was in a bad marriage for years. Various people have let me down over the years including him, and although I still like people a lot in general, my expectations of others, and of relationships, are very realistic. In general, I don't think you can expect too much of people, really.

It's so liberating not to be bothered about a relationship. I'm uninterested in putting up with all the negatives to have the positives. For the first time in my life, I'm allergic to commitment. I want to know know lots of people, be part of various communities, and have little love affairs that don't last.

The personal power that not wanting a committed relationship gives you is also wonderful.

There is NO reason to fear singledom! Relationships mostly aren't all they're cracked up to be, anyway. With a divorce rate of about 43% for first marriages, I don't know why we're still so stuck on the idea anyway. It clearly doesn't work.

I've never been so calm and happy and productive as I am when single.

Yup. My exh would refuse to speak to me for days or weeks for no reason. It was hell.

The other side of the coin from 'sulking' 'emotional abuse' 'ignoring' is
'I need some space and time to process this and you don't respect that.'

So I'm on his side possibly for that.

Rest of the stuff, not so much.

You're not compatible, move on.

So he's not even sorted out housing and feeding himself yet?

What a hero!

OP you are lucky sounds like you might have been prepared to carry this dead weight, for what? I bit of sex, to say you have a "man" let's use this loosely on him.

Bet his mum's gutted mind, she was probably hoping you would take him off her hands.

So you're not the only female he treats poorly? His mum and sister too?
Sounds like quite the catch 🙄

He wanted space and you didn’t give him it and now you’ve pushed him further away by keep contacting him.

Inspiring post

You are 100% correct OP. Good relationships go hand in hand with good communication. Never mind all of the other red flags (which I think you may be seeing now) this alone is a good enough reason for this to be over.

Perhaps the issues were a bit different from your previous abusive relationship, but the silent treatment is a massive red flag.

You are so much better off now, believe me.

It's okay to feel a bit sad especially this time of the year. But take a day or two and then see that for what it was. It was you putting your toe back into the water. And it wasn't the right pond. You will look back at this one day with relief.

Honestly, he's done you a favour.
He doesn't sound great at all. Lives with his mum. Doesn't help her. Doesn't seem to care about his sister either.
What would it be like if he was living with you instead of with his mum? He'd be sitting on his arse eating the tea you cooked while contributing fuck all.
Why is he living with his mum? What went wrong with his housing?
How old is he?

There's nothing wrong with being single so no need to say "Oh fuck".

It weird to keep texting him when he's asked for time to think about things. That seems very overbearing. Saying "you're evil" is going a bit far though!

You aren't right for each other!

at 10 months I personally wouldn't think it wud be my place to say the things u said!!