I posted in November 2023 after finding out that my partner at the time had been on multiple sex chat sites and hook-up sites with delightful names such as ‘guilty affairs’ and ‘shag today’. I had found messages between him and countless women. It had been going on for at least 9 months.
In the 12 years we had been together, I had never EVER felt that he’d ever cheat on me. We had our issues… mainly that he was lazy and didn’t pull his weight around the house or with the care of our son. (Looking back, I can see that I put up with this for far too long). But I always trusted him.
Finding those messages was a massive blow to me. For years in the relationship I had felt unattractive and unloved as he only ever paid any attention towards me when he was drunk. I knew that when I confronted him about the messages he would try and downplay what he’d done and I was already doubting myself and feeling that maybe I was over reacting by feeling so hurt. I posted to gain perspective on this.
My post didn’t receive a particularly large number of comments, but the responses I got I will be forever thankful for. You validated my feelings and made me feel like I was worth more. I made the decision to confront him and simultaneously tell him that it was over.
He did not accept this. He wanted to “try and make things work”. He guilt tripped me into agreeing to stay until after Christmas. I agreed but also started saving as much money as I could. I knew in my heart that I was done. As time passed, he showed me no affection, no warmth, no efforts to change at all. I carried on saving money each month. He avoided conversation about our relationship and we settled into living separate lives under the same roof.
I probably buried my head in the sand for a little too long, but I finally moved out in July of this year. It has not been easy, especially having moved out with nearly nothing. But even with the stress of moving and starting from scratch, I immediately felt a weight was lifted. Me and my son are well and truly settled in our new home now. He has adjusted well to our new ‘normal’ and as an unexpected bonus I was able to keep our dog with no arguments at all.
I was just sat thinking about Christmas and how different it is this year. Last year, I put a face on and felt like Christmas was something I needed to get through. Now I am sat here looking forward to a Christmas filled with friends, family and inexpensive plans with with my son. Simple things like watching Christmas movies and going for walks to see the Christmas lights. I’m enjoying all the little things in a way that seemed impossible this time last year.
My ex got a new girlfriend within a month of me moving out, by the way. Good luck to her! Coincidentally, she works as a housemaid so they are probably well suited.
Anyway…The main reason I wanted to post this belated update is to thank everyone who took the time to comment on my last post.
But I’d also like to say, to anyone facing Christmas stuck in a miserable relationship, for whatever reason, you are not alone. If leaving feels impossible, please know that, even though it likely won’t be easy, it IS possible and you CAN do it. You will come out the other side and be so much happpier than you are now.
I left the bastard, and I’m so glad I did!