Worst presents

[MrsCatE]

My ex gave me an Iron.
A bit of forethought that time; normally, he'd leap out of bed when he clocked it was my birthday or even Christmas? perhaps the landline calls (before mobiles) wishing me a happy birthday activated his one, remaining brain cell. He'd return from the corner newsagent and present me with a pack of Sweets and top shelf Magazine - I would Chuck latter at him but he'd just add to his collection; probably because pictures and didn’t require comprehension or ability to read.

These are hilarious

A nasal trimmer between 3 people 🤣

You're quite right! I'd forgotten that it was that way round!

Thank you for reminding me: I'd forgotten it was this way round!

Quite a few. My BIL got my DS a kettle... He is still my BIL but she still talks about it. When I was a teenager and Aunt gave me (on its own), a bottle of greasy hair shampoo. Our family tradition is that the extended family open presents in turn under the tree on Xmas day. It came to my turn and my Mum had got me a pack of thongs from M+S. At 14 the embarrassment of opening these in front of the family including sniggering male cousins was incredible. I asked my Mum afterwards why she had done this and all she could come up with was well I thought they would be good for sports!

My MIL either gives me nothing (that's about 50% of the time) or she gives me hideous makeup bags - often several in one package, always lime green or hot pink or orange and floral... don't know where they come from. They are filled with miniatures which she has either taken from hotels (she travels a lot and is the sort of person who tips the breadbasket into her handbag at restaurants and then asks for more) or torn out of magazines. I have the world's most comprehensive collection of tiny soaps, disposable toothbrushes, 5ml perfume samples and sachets of generic shampoo. The woman is minted, but she's stark staring mad and hates me.

From a wider relative, a face cloth, I was a child. Not even a set of matching towels to go with it 😂

I got given shoes with cat faces and 3D whiskers on that were 3 sizes too big for my birthday one year. Still confused about that one.

That sounds like a silly old superstition to me... but saying that my DH thinks its weird that I class Lillie's as offensive for anything bar funerals as the are literal death flowers and thus a really back handed present (basically a horses head in the bed).

One of his close friend had loads of Lillie's all over her wedding and it was so uncomfortable even though logically I know its just a flower.

I do wonder if its one of the weird Irish Catholic things my family have passed down.

His old mobile. He'd taken out the SIM card and battery (this was 2003) and basically just given me the empty shell.

Apparently a lot of thought had gone into it and I shouldn't be so ungrateful (his sister, also a mean spirited knobhead).
I had got him his favourite cologne and tickets for the football.

And a woman I had been friends with for years once got me "the best present, you'll love it, I can't wait for you to open it!"
And it was a bottle of gin, when I was a recovering alcoholic, which she was aware of.

Quite right. Coin in a purse you give as a gift, extract a coin from the person to whom you give a knife.

Oh and a half done word search book from a friend who had scribbled on most of the pages.

Congrats on your recovery. This has to be the worst gift posted so far!

One year exDH bought me the same dress a newsreader he fancied used to wear. That gave me the ick!

Another year he bought me a microwave ffs.

My mum, who is an odd fish, to put it mildly, gave me and my sister a fully Christmas-wrapped full-sized fire extinguisher each about 10 years ago. “Every home needs one!”

She gets a bit overexcited in the middle of Lidl on a regular basis. I think that’s what it was! 😂

@snowyglobe thank you! Yes it was quite spectacularly bad. I haven't talked to her very much since.

My DH bought me a window smasher and seatbelt cutter the christmas after I passed my driving test... too be fair its something far better to have and not need than need and not have.

We also have a fire extinguished but that wasn't a present, a plug melted and it was needed to calm DH anxiety that we are all going to burn to death (along with 5 new smoke alarms).

Cow print pyjamas 3 sizes too big. This incredibly obvious passive aggressive jibe at my weight from my ex went completely over my head at the time. Since had it confirmed I'm autistic, bet he was so pissed off at my obliviousness as I reached for more quality street dressed as daisy the cow

An electronic photo frame. I actually had to ask what it was. Never used it. A sort of brooch thing. Turned out it was a scarf pin.

Wooden cotton ear buds from the IL’s because we’d expressed an interest in cutting down on our use of plastic (and asked them to buy the kids less plastic toys). Really hard to feign any kind of emotion when unwrapping earbuds!

A dieters cookbook from a colleague.
An oversized nightdress with a pig on the front from a sister in law.
A maglite torch from a brother in law.
A bottle of shampoo for greasy hair from a colleague (note, I have dry hair).

Not going to lie, now I want a fire extinguisher for Christmas!

A turkey onsie three sizes too big.

The worst was a re-gifted gift card for a store I never go to which I later found out was given to him by his mistress.
Naturally he is no longer around to give any more atrocious, hostile gifts.
The same year he asked me to buy him a particular type of ugly striped socks, only to find out it was because his mistress had said she liked them. So he was getting me to buy him things to please her. Apparently he was bummed because she didn't even notice the socks. 😆 After I found out about the cheating and the status of the gifts I threw the socks in the garbage. I was able to do the same with the stupid gift card, as of course I had never used it.

I briefly went out with 'Fernando' who was in a band.

Finished with Fernando and started going out with 'Zebedee', who is now my DH.

After four months together, Zebedee bought me an album (CD in those days) of Fernando's band for Christmas. It had been released a couple of years beforehand, so of course I had a copy. He also gave me a crappy mug, FFS.

For my birthday, he gave me car mats. FFS again.

Me and DH have stopped getting each other presents at my request. Too many years of receiving last minute panic gifts having spent time and a lot of thought on his. Too many Christmas Days (and birthdays) feeling upset and unappreciated by the total lack of effort and then having to smile and pretend for the sake of the kids. At least this way I don't get my hopes up and therefore can't be disappointed.