Do I have abusive tendencies?

[milkyway512]

I was in a very short term fling, that I ended. My ex I think has been saying to his friends that I was abusive in the relationship. I said to him when his group of friends excluded someone from a group and I was being blamed “they’re your friends not mine” and before that I sent him quite a long message that was a bit blunt because he seemed to be having a thing with another girl (girl who was excluded) and me mentioning she was behaving badly got her excluded from the group. I didn’t really do this intentionally, and I’ve since apologised to the girl.

he was very mentally unwell, and was self harming and suicidal. He said to me once he had taken too many tablets over the phone, and then the next day I ask him if he’s okay and then the girl interrupts us and I get annoyed. I then send him quite a long text message saying why I was annoyed, which I feel bad about as he was already very vulnerable and eventually he had to go to hospital as he was spiralling again. I’m worried this was because of me and it was my fault he had to go into hospital, as he went into hospital right after I said “they’re you’re friends not mine”. Sorry if this is in a funny order - it goes:

1. a party
2. he says he has taken too many pills
3. I go up to him and ask him if he’s okay
4. girl interrupts asking if they’re still meeting at 5
5. I get annoyed, receive a text message asking if I’m okay
6. send annoyed blunt text message saying I’m not okay as I didn’t know he had a thing with another girl
7. he takes days of school
8. comes back, we talk
9. i say girl is causing problems
10. group excludes her
11. I say to him next day “ they’re you’re friends not mine”
12. he goes into hospital

was I abusive? We made up after this and then the relationship really started, but I think he might be gossiping about me still (though I have no evidence, I do have anxiety).

I know it seems silly as we were in school, but it still plays on my mind as these were two vulnerable people. I’m on medication for anxiety and have had therapy but it hasn’t really helped. Any honest replies would be greatly appreciated.

"The girl"

Your post is impossible to follow but he doesn't sound like much of a catch, I'd just move on with my life tbh.

He takes days of school

how old are you both ?

he sounds like too much hassle , move on , plenty of other men ( boys) out there

This sounds like dramatic 15 yr olds, move on.

Dear Lord just when you think you are old enough to have forgotten the crap about being 13, someone comes up with a post at the highest teenage level of tedium and drama llamaing over a non-relationship.

OP he's not worth it, you are at school, concentrate on your studies instead all this nonsense will just mess that up for you.

Just because he said you were abusive doesn't mean it's true or that you have to listen to him. What do you think of your behaviour?
I understand it must be annoying if he was saying things about you to other people. Best thing to do is make sure you are behaving well and let other people make up their own minds about you.
It seems reasonable for you to be blunt with the other girl if he was having a thing with her and nothing else that you did sounds abusive.
He sounds like he has lots of issues, it would be hard to cope with a partner like that especially if you are young and have your own issues.

I don't know why you are being so horrible to a young person who has asked for advice because they are worried about something

I'm not I'm pointing out that it's a lot of fuss about nothing and it is nothing to worry about much. The exact sort of thing that happens when you are in school.

If you think saying don't worry about it he's not worth the headspace and concentrating on studies is worthwhile is being horrible, that's your opinion and you are welcome to it. You don't have to like what I say but equally you have no control over what I say. All you can do is report my posts which of course you are also welcome to do

Which is a valid point to make but you've conveniently forgotten your other paragraph. It was the "crap" and "tedium" and "drama llamaing" comments that I was objecting to. This is a potentially vulnerable young person you are talking to.

If you read it that way it's your interpretation.