Hi
So we had a family disagreement 3 years ago. FIL & MIL had BIL over & his wife. Went to see them. BIL wife can be quite a bully, encouraging her kids to call their uncle (my OH) swear words because she thinks it's funny. Her Kids all teenagers.
We were sat round dinner table & she used racist language about a particular ethnicity. I bit my tongue but it went on & on. My young child had finished food by then & was still sat at the dinner table. So I said I didn't want to be part of conversation & didn't feel right for my child to hear their remarks & said I'd go to lounge as we were starting to do that. I said it calmly not wanting drama. As I walked to living room everything erupted. SIL called me an f snob and said that my MIL agrees. It was really random and full of venom. I'm quite removed from ever been called a snob (I'm down to earth & from avery working class family). She then to me to f off home - it wasn't even her house. My child was crying when we left as she got very aggressive in raising her voice and chucking us out of the in-laws home that isn't hers. In-laws never challenged her. Ever since then I've made overtures to parents in law as though they said nothing and it was their house, I want my OH to enjoy spending time with them and me and children. There should be no bad feelings there. FIL says he didn't hear what was said ( which I doubt) He was just getting up from table. And MIL was still at table and heard it all & stayed quiet.
Since then SIL has no contact (blocked me on social media) It's made me feel uncomfortable & parents in law have made me feel uncomfortable going over to their house. FIL and I used to get on v well. But he's clearly taken sides & MI made no comfort. Every time I see FIL to this day, he makes passive aggressive jokes, eg he said to my OH & kids today that they are welcome at theirs day after boxing day. He then turned to me & said "you are never welcome" and covered it with a laugh to make it seem like banter. I clearly had some intent behind it. He's also made comments about my own Dad, putting him down. All since this argument which I didn't want. Funny because MIL said things against SIL in past but I would never say & upset someone like that.
Main issue is FIL is still carrying on the beef with me with his passive criticism & he corrects everything I say. My OH really struggling with him but he never pulls his Dad up instead preferring to moan to me about him but not talk to him.
Feel v hurt by OH as I've always had his back when he ever had disagreement s with my family. OH will moan & moan to me the way his Dad is rude to me to him. He never challenges nasty comments in the moment but will moan to me that's he's rude. I'm left feeling uncomfortable & feel let down by OH for not supporting. He could lighten mood & say to his Dad at these times, but he's rubbish at communication. So 3 years on & SIL won't move on from it and FIL since then has picked at me over anything.
I've tried chatting, saying family time more important than a silly argument. Mainly I think OH should step in & help repair a once excellent relationship.
Sorry for the length post. Needed to vent & would be keen to hear any thoughts? Should OH have my back? Am I being unreasonable & do I just keep biting my tongue when FIL makes digs. I don't think he would listen to just me saying how I feel as he is v old fashioned & shut down conversation in past. I feel it can't continue. He's making me feel so uncomfortable. Thanks if you take time to give any advice. It would be really appreciated x