Anxiety of partner out on night out

[Inediblefairy]

Hiya

I have bad anxiety and my fella has gone out on his Christmas night out with work. He likes a tipple at home but doesn't go out much. I am a bag of nerves. Not because I think he will cheat but more for his safety. I keep picturing scenarios in my head of something happening to him.

That's a horrible feeling, OP.

Realistically, anything bad is unlikely to happen. Many people go out and get shit faced and somehow make it back OK - I know I have in my younger days.

It's natural to not relax properly until they're back in one piece, until then you need to distract yourself. He's entitled to a night out, he's a grown adult.

How do you generally manage your anxiety?

I understand where you are coming from. I never used to have the slightest anxiety when DH went out but he has a heart condition now, has had three ambulance trips to A and E over the last three or four years, and I do worry - he is out at the moment and I'm hoping he will be home soon, hard to relax until he is. I wish he would check in occasionally to put my mind at rest but I won't hear from him until he is home.

What is it you think will happen? And do you feel this way every time he leaves the house?

Why are you having anxiety about this ? Is there a deeper routed feeling around this anxiety in yourself ?

You shouldn’t be torturing your thoughts with “what if’s” because your partner is on a night out.

He is a grown adult people can't be locked away just because a person can't let them be normal

I presume he knows nothing of this overreaction and you don't come across as controlling?

I think you actually do think he may cheat. That’s why you’re anxious. Be honest with yourself.

hes a grown adult

Yeah I agree

I think you need to do something about your anxiety.
He’s an adult, it’s very controlling of you to be worrying this much about someone going on a night out (unless there’s more to this that you are not saying).

What about when you go out yourself, do you worry this much too?

When DH is out I use it as an opportunity to watch something only I like on tv, maybe have a bath or go to bed and read a book with a cuppa and some chocolate, it’s good not to be together occasionally!

This is about your anxiety not your boyfriend, are you getting any help for it? It’s good you’ve recognised it’s not normal behaviour to be anxious about a grown adult going out, that’a a perfectly normal thing for him to do.

What steps are you going to take to address your anxiety?

It's great that you recognise that it is anxiety making you feel like this and actually nothing to do with your boyfriend.

Now you're going to have to take the next step and get some therapy/medication to help you deal with it.

What is NOT OK is to use anxiety as a reason not to let partners/kids/family live normal lives.