Sister gaslighting

[IndigoBrave]

Any one any tips on how to overcome a gaslighting sister?

She will constantly run me down and when i defend myself i'm told i'm aggressive, impossible to have a conversation with, immature. All the things gaslighters do to make you doubt yourself.

Any tips of just getting over it, like reminding yourself you're above it sort of thing

Keep communication with her to a minimum. Drop the rope and learn the grey rock method. When she starts, don’t defend yourself. Just say, “ok then.” I know you will want to but don’t. She’s talking shit. Don’t engage with it. If you argue back you’re giving her what she wants. If you don’t, she’s fucked.

I just arrived home after a visit with my sister who sounds very like yours. I leave feeling very uneasy and like I've done several terrible things that I tried to pin down on my journey home. But when I get into my own house it all just deflates a bit and I can think
More clearly. I'm definitely not allowed to defend myself. If I do things will escalate beyond any reason or control. @TipsyJoker had some pretty sound advice. Not rising to it, bland responses. Seems to keep the beast at bay.

Do you have to spend any time with her? If not, and you can avoid her, then I'd do that for a while. She can't insult and belittle you if you're not there to hear it.

My sister does this.

She has been a grade A bitch to me for years. Jealous that I got married before her as we hadn't been together as long as her and her then bf. I had a baby before her etc.

I was already a step mum to 2 preteens when I had dd and had worked with kids for 20+ years so I am not a fool. But she has consistently undermined my parenting, accused me of being abusive to dd, all of which is utter BS.

For calling her out in it I am the witch. She is innocent. I am the big mean older sister just being horrid as always.

She is a narcissistic manipulative piece of shit quite frankly.

I gave her an ultimatum over 5 years ago, to keep her opinions to herself or stay out of my life. Other than some emotional blackmail 2 years ago she hasn't spoken to me since.

Honestly. The only way to deal with your sister is to cut contact. Take back the power and control the narrative.

It's hard AF, there are days when inwish we could be like my friends who have amazing binds with their siblings. But for the other 99.5% of the time my life is better for having no contact.

Good luck @IndigoBrave be brave, be bold. Be you!

I recognise this behaviour from my sister. Often just plain nasty, and totally self centred most of the time except when she needs her 'big bliss' for emotional support. She has no idea we aren't close and she's the last person I can share with. It's not hard not to share because she never asks about me or mine.

My advice is not to engage beyond ah and oh in conversation and choose carefully how to answer direct questions if there are any. Grey rock all the way.

And then from your side just think of her as odd but struggling (poor thing) which allows you to feel not too unkind about her in your head, but also separates what she says and does from something you have to engage with.

Your sister has absolutely no control how you live your life. Mine tried to have control over my furniture!

She lacks confidence, so is taking it out on you. It's ok to take yourself away from family.

Go live your life and remove those family members who don; support you

Mine was like this - I am now NC and have so much more peace in my world.

She would do things like pull at hair on my face (I'm very dark and get the odd hair in funny places 😂) and ridicule me, tell people I was fake, tell people I never had cancer when I in fact had a stage 3 pancreatic adenocarcinoma.

If you're not ready to cut, then blank, do not react. That's what she wants.

Nobody notices when you're provoked, just when you react - ignoring is THE hardest thing but just think of it as feeding a little gremlin. If you don't react, the gremlin gets nothing.

So sorry you're dealing with this bullshit 💐