Grown up daughter and her untidiness

[FloweryPoweryLove]

My daughter is 24 and some of her ways are definitely on the spectrum.
She lives with me and my husband who is not her Dad. We have all lived together in a new house we bought for three years.
The issue is that her untidy ways and lack of helping out around the house are making my husband so cross, unsurprisingly.
If she is asked to do something she does it willingly, but never offers. I’ve had multiple conversations with her about this where she always just says ‘ok’ quite happily then carries on as before.
She struggled at school and now works in childcare. She is a kind, lovely, cheerful girl but has always been a little different than her peers (unusual slightly obsessive interests etc). She gets on with her work colleagues but has no friends and doesn’t go out anywhere.
Today my husband has gone to use the hoover. She used it last. The container is full to the brim. The brush roller is jammed because it is so clogged up. He has hit the roof.

I’ve spoken to her. She just sounded a bit bewildered and the usual ‘ok’ sounding sad.

I really don’t know what to do about this. I’ve tried really being cross with her, but she just gets upset and it still doesn’t improve.

Has anybody any advice? A friend suggested putting signs around the house to remind her. Maybe that would help?

Imagine being angry because of a thing like that. It’s not normal behaviour.

Thank you so much for all your replies. This is the first time I’ve posted and realise now how very difficult it is to convey all the nuances of relationships and personalities in a quick message.

I have wondered if despite thinking on the one hand she has some traits of being on the spectrum, on the other hand am I making excuses for it and really it’s my fault for the way I’ve brought her up. I’ve got a son with severe learning difficulties and autism and I suppose compared with him, I tend to think of her as a bit quirky and can’t decide to what extent she is on the spectrum, if at all, it’s just her personality or it’s my fault. Maybe it’s all three?

By the way, for clarification, the hoover was just used in her room, and couldn’t have been more than a quarter full before she used it. It’s all her long hair caught around the roller. That’s why DH got upset. Forgot to make that clear earlier.

It is very helpful to read different perspectives and I’m grateful for the good suggestions. I think I need to be much more specific ie please empty the dishwasher at such and such time etc.

Watchithread as my DS 29 lives with me (unaffordable London). I am doing everything. He is soooo messy but I get "in a minute" constantly.. he really does not understand messiness. He's very hygienic when he cooks and personal care, if not ott.
His df was the same (but not so much with the hygienic traits) and I couldn't live with it. (He was an ass about it). But spectrums weren't spoken about so much then.
DS is aware he's on a spectrum but won't go for a diagnosis.
So I'm reading with interest.

Your dh is being so harsh!!

Would it help to have a written list of chores that she can be responsible for. Maybe broken down into days so she has something to look at as an aid memoir
Include instructions for example if hoovering is one of them check the bag and rollers, hoover lounge and stairs
Does she find doing a good job easier for some chores than others?