When does moving on get easier…

[Letsdocoffee]

My STBexH had an affair a few years ago, emotional and physical. The shock of that moment of discovery will never leave me. I didn’t want to lose him, and the life we built, and I was terrified of that, so I stayed and we tried to move on. But I couldn’t, and the worst part was I discovered months down the line, he met up with her again and lied to me, I was completely devastated all over again. We separated, he fought again to try and make it work but i couldn’t get passed it.

We sold our home which I found particularly emotional and I filed for divorce. We are in the middle of divorce now, and it’s been every bit as difficult as I guessed it would be with him protecting himself financially for every penny.

We are both with new partners, but personally I am still struggling with everything that happened and what my life looks like now. I have so much anger and resentment, I am oversensitive and easily prickled, I am anxious. I just cannot seem to fully let it go. I can think I’m doing well, great in fact, and my new relationship is great, then I can just take a complete nosedive. I think my hormones are playing a part in this too, but my God I just feel like shit. I just want to be able to let it go. I miss him and I miss our life, even though he did the shittiest thing he could have ever done to me.

I just don’t know how to completely move on, but it’s been a long time now yet im still struggling. I don’t regret my decision to leave, because I know I couldn’t get over what happened and it would have broken me in the end, but I just cannot seem to shake it.

Any wise words from anyone would be much appreciated xx

Hello @Letsdocoffee some off your post is literally like you have been inside my head as to what I am dealing with also..... Currently separated almost a year, my decision. The anger and resentment does rise it's ugly head, I think, there's so much hurt and words which haven't been expressed and your wanting the other person to see how much you have been hurt and understand how crappy their actions have been..... But would it change anything, probably not, not, that you want it to. What about writing it down, your emotions, get them all out of your head, then rip it up..... It helps a bit!! Again, missing them and your life, snap. It's ok to miss a relationship, I'm sure you had good times together and you miss what you thought your future would have been like. Don't be too hard on these emotions, your only human. I still get days where I doubt my decisions and think, what have I done.... But deep down when I rethink everything that went on I know it's for the best..... Chin up and just acknowledge the sadness, do something nice for you that day and get through it best you can..... Hope that helps a little. X

As a therapist I can say most people start to feel like themselves again 2 or 3 years post-divorce. That means 2 to 3 years after the divorce is finalised, not initiated.
That's also why you shouldn't start dating again so soon after a separation. Maybe you're not quite ready to thrown yourself in a new relationship when you clearly haven't really recovered from the previous one?