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Original poster

Very confused

9 replies

Icecreamlover63 · 19/12/2024 21:19

I would like some advice please. I have a friend who has been my friend for 20 years we have never fallen out and have been through difficult times. Especially since my Mum died. She has 3 daughters none of whom talk to each other and she is not in contact with her family. Yesterday she accused me of talking about one of her daughters behind her back. The person who has stirred this situation is someone who I have not seen in over 11 months. I am very hurt and disappointed. I have replied to her email and explained the facts.
she has had an awful lot to deal with in the last year but I know lots of people that have. I have lost my dad and now my mum and it’s been difficult but I am at a loss as to know what to do right now. I have been a kind and supportive ear and taken her to many appointments or lunches as she cannot drive.
i am also very fond of the lady who has stirred up this situation.

what would you do?

OP posts:
Lostworlds · 19/12/2024 22:24

I would try speak to her face to face or over the phone and explain your side of things. If she isn’t willing to listen then I would leave them to it. You’ve been a good friend and have too much going on to be bothered by such immaturity.

Original poster
Icecreamlover63 · 19/12/2024 22:33

Lostworlds · 19/12/2024 22:24

I would try speak to her face to face or over the phone and explain your side of things. If she isn’t willing to listen then I would leave them to it. You’ve been a good friend and have too much going on to be bothered by such immaturity.

Thank you for your reply. Right now I feel very empty. It’s the only way I can explain it. I will leave it until after Christmas and then wait to see if she gets in touch.
If she does fine but I think I’ll give her a wide berth as I cannot believe she has been so accusing.

I think maybe it’s time to make new friends so I’m going to join a choir and get my bottom down to slimming world. As for the individual who has started this well I have not seen her for almost a year so my conscious is clear there. She has been long term sick for 11 months and is due back in March.

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 19/12/2024 23:04

So you messaged your friend to tell her that you didn't know what she was talking about because you hadn't even seen this woman for 11 months and you haven't had a reply? Could you not have phoned her instead of messaging in the first place? Has your friend fallen out with other people over the years you have known her?

Original poster
Icecreamlover63 · 19/12/2024 23:34

healthybychristmas · 19/12/2024 23:04

So you messaged your friend to tell her that you didn't know what she was talking about because you hadn't even seen this woman for 11 months and you haven't had a reply? Could you not have phoned her instead of messaging in the first place? Has your friend fallen out with other people over the years you have known her?

Was travelling home on a train and didn’t want the whole carriage to hear. She has falllen out with her brother her sister in law. She doesn’t go and see her daughters mother in law in Scotland anymore(she used to go
annually). She thinks her son in law and his mum are always talking about her behind her back as they are apparently always giving each other knowing looks. She lives her life through her daughters and none of them talk to each other. I feel very sorry for her. I’m always taking her to appointments or shopping and she never offers any money for petrol. She has been a very good friend over the years but I don’t know how to get past this. I have been racking my brain to think back to anything I have said to the other lady but I just haven’t even seen her. It’s just so odd!

OP posts:
slightlydistrac · 19/12/2024 23:42

It seems she has a habit of thinking the worst and falling out with people, so if she doesn't believe you then there isn't a lot you can do really.

Original poster
Icecreamlover63 · 20/12/2024 08:58

slightlydistrac · 19/12/2024 23:42

It seems she has a habit of thinking the worst and falling out with people, so if she doesn't believe you then there isn't a lot you can do really.

You are, of course, absolutely right. But evidently this was all said at a Christmas meal, which one of her daughters attended so I don’t even know why it was brought up in conversation. It’s just so strange. I have really persevered with this friendship for a few months now. I’ve listened to numerous difficulties she has encountered as has she with me. But she has been very down lately and I have felt very used lately so a break however long will be a good thing.

OP posts:
slightlydistrac · 20/12/2024 13:51

Icecreamlover63 · 20/12/2024 08:58

You are, of course, absolutely right. But evidently this was all said at a Christmas meal, which one of her daughters attended so I don’t even know why it was brought up in conversation. It’s just so strange. I have really persevered with this friendship for a few months now. I’ve listened to numerous difficulties she has encountered as has she with me. But she has been very down lately and I have felt very used lately so a break however long will be a good thing.

Show quote history

I detect the hint of someone else doing a bit of stirring, maybe. Perhaps they resent your close friendship for some odd reason.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 20/12/2024 13:54

Does your friend have a history of poor mental health? Constantly believing that people are talking about her behind her back, because they give 'knowing looks' could be a marker of someone who is struggling with their mental health.

Original poster
Icecreamlover63 · 20/12/2024 23:30

You may be right. She has been very down about her middle daughter’s relationship breakdown. Which I understand it’s very hard when your kids are upset. Her eldest daughter lives in new York and got married without telling her. Just sent a photo outside of city hall! I felt gutted for her as she had visited her about a month prior to the wedding.

OP posts:
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