how do i move on

[lolololhehe1]

1 (21F) just broke up with my boyfriend. a year ago, we got togheter and it was a happy relationship. I had gone trough a tough break up previously and i was so scared of being abandoned. He always told me that he loved me and would never leave me. Altough he had difficulties communicating with me, he always shut me out when he wasnt feeling good.

i always did my best to try and help him and made sure i was always there for him. he got really distant from me and broke up with me without telling me why. he just left. he ghosted me on snapchat and unadded me, he was reposting saying about how i wasnt the one for him etc etc. i was so heart broken and confused because he had promised me everything.

i was mad at him and mad at the world for hurting me again. he came back but i reluctant on taking him back. i took him back but i was still obviously so mad. i talked to another guy tht was there for me and helped me and sent him nudes because i felt to worthless.

it was a mistake i was so angry and mad it was like a villain arc. that was the first and last time i talked to him. after tht i blocked him and decided to fix my relationship with my love. we got back together and i never cheated on him again. during the relationship i was loyal. until recently he thinks i betrayed him when he left me first.
I have tried everyting i could. i told him that i changed and that i would give him the world, i stayed up nights saying that i promised him he was the only one in my life and no one else. i had given him everything during our relationship. I was the one paying for food, buying him things etc. but he doesnt see all the efforts i put in for him. i lost all my friends for us to work. but none of it matters.

You stop communicating with either of them. You concentrate of you. Build your self confidence, build your friendship group, learn to enjoy your own company. Learn to have a bit more self respect. Treat yourself. Have some fun.

Only then, once you are happy in your own skin, is it worth looking for a partner, and even then, only one who wants you without the free meals and gifts.

If he isn't putting in as much effort as you, then he's not worth the bother.

Hiya. I am so sorry you are feeling so down.

A few things jump out at me. Your level of insecurity for one. Why so insecure? That will matter, resolving it will be important.

The thing is, life brings ups and downs - losses of partners, friends, jobs etc. You need to be secure enough so that rocking in one part of your world doesn't totally destabilise you. Look up how to become more secure.

As for your boyfriend, it wasn't the brightest thing in the world to send nudes on day one to a man you don't really know, because you are feeling lost. He wasn't the one to cling to and see what has happened as a result of that. But you will have learnt the lesson and not do it again - a spiritually wise person might thank the universe for that important lesson.

I think it might be over with the man though. He said it was and it might be best to let it go. I bow it is hard but you have an opportunity to grow a little, to enjoy being single - it IS enjoyable and it DOES end, so enjoy it as a stage between men.... That's my best advice to you - go with the flow of life, accept what it brings, be a good person no matter what and work on being the best version of you you can be.

Get off line, get a journal out and start working yourself out. It will be well worth it. make a load of plans for nest year, get into your self care xxx

i had given him everything during our relationship. I was the one paying for food, buying him things etc. but he doesnt see all the efforts i put in for him. i lost all my friends for us to work. but none of it matters.

No man is worth this.
No decent man would scrounge off you.
No decent man would cause you to lose friendships.

This is massively toxic and dysfunctional and he's using your "infidelity" (you weren't even together!) as a weapon and stick to beat you with.

Get him out of your life and out of your head.

Don't waste your youth on an abusive situation.

The one thing I would say is if it’s causing you stress it’s not meant to be. You should be comfortable and happy. Read up on attachment styles, as you mention not being abandoned. But at 21 you can choose to leave. I think at your age relationships can feel intense and full on. But the more you learn about yourself the better. Consider what you need in a relationship and only let in the ones who meet that. Good luck.