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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So alone

18 replies

Nikkinic87 · 19/12/2024 02:05

Just looking to talk to someone as I'm just so sad and alone.

8 weeks postpartum and my partner has pretty much walked out on me after a very heated argument, I live in rented accommodation and can't afford to run the place alone as in maternity and have noone to stay with etc.

I know splitting up is probably for the best as he's not been great throughout these last few weeks with the baby.
He doesn't help out much and thinks its my job to look after the baby and has pretty much watched me slowly deteriorate as a person due to lack of sleep and mental load of being a new mother, he knows that he has so much power over me now as effectively I am nothing without him in terms of financially etc

I suppose I'm just looking for anyone who has been through similar situations and if you have managed to get through it ?!
I'm really not doing too good and it's too much for me a week before Christmas 😔

OP posts:
beauborino · 19/12/2024 02:09

Sweetheart .Your emotions will be all over the place .It's very difficult having a newborn.Just wanted to send you a hug .

Lostandconfus3d · 19/12/2024 02:09

First of all congratulations on ur new arrival ❤️ you must be exhausted. This is the last thing that u need but u are doing amazingly! With no support by the sounds of it.

can u check tomoro if u were to seperate if u would receive housing support and universal credit. Are u in uk?

u dont need to be tied to this man. If he’s willing to walk out on u now when u need him most, he always will

Original poster
Nikkinic87 · 19/12/2024 02:17

Lostandconfus3d · 19/12/2024 02:09

First of all congratulations on ur new arrival ❤️ you must be exhausted. This is the last thing that u need but u are doing amazingly! With no support by the sounds of it.

can u check tomoro if u were to seperate if u would receive housing support and universal credit. Are u in uk?

u dont need to be tied to this man. If he’s willing to walk out on u now when u need him most, he always will

Thanks so much ❤️
I am in the UK yes!
I suppose I'm just so sad that someone that is supposed to care about me and the baby the most would do this! He's turned the whole situation round on me and has said I'm the one who has made him react like this ! I know this is super manipulative and cohercive behaviour and I have called him out on this and that's when he lost the plot 😔 I'm just so sad for my baby as this isn't the start in life I wanted for her.

OP posts:
Lostandconfus3d · 19/12/2024 02:20

I know this isn’t the start you planned for her, but it’s also not the life you want to bring her up in. Thinking his behaviour is normal.

im not telling u to leave him, I just don’t want u to be manipulated and treated like shit wen ur feeling at ur lowest.

you would defo get financial support from the govt. u could stay in ur home. If the only thing he brings to the table is money then he’s not fulfilling his role as a partner or a dad xx

Original poster
Nikkinic87 · 19/12/2024 02:34

Lostandconfus3d · 19/12/2024 02:20

I know this isn’t the start you planned for her, but it’s also not the life you want to bring her up in. Thinking his behaviour is normal.

im not telling u to leave him, I just don’t want u to be manipulated and treated like shit wen ur feeling at ur lowest.

you would defo get financial support from the govt. u could stay in ur home. If the only thing he brings to the table is money then he’s not fulfilling his role as a partner or a dad xx

Thanks so much ❤️
I will be fine I'm sure.
I don't have much in the way of support as he was my main support system in terms of he is the only one to drive etc
I just feel so doomed

OP posts:
Lostandconfus3d · 19/12/2024 02:37

U will b fine I promise. No matter what, you’ve got this. Ur a mum now, ur tired, ur emotional, he’s being a shit. But everything will b ok.

do u have friends locally u can chat with?

Original poster
Nikkinic87 · 19/12/2024 02:52

Lostandconfus3d · 19/12/2024 02:37

U will b fine I promise. No matter what, you’ve got this. Ur a mum now, ur tired, ur emotional, he’s being a shit. But everything will b ok.

do u have friends locally u can chat with?

I have close friends and I am close to my sister's but unfortunately they don't live near by.
My best friend is 25 min drive away but I suppose they are always there on the other side of the phone ❣️

OP posts:
Lostandconfus3d · 19/12/2024 02:53

I’m glad u have people you can phone and moan to. Utilise this! Get it all off ur chest. Be kind to urself!

is he home now? Wots he saying?

Original poster
Nikkinic87 · 19/12/2024 03:03

Lostandconfus3d · 19/12/2024 02:53

I’m glad u have people you can phone and moan to. Utilise this! Get it all off ur chest. Be kind to urself!

is he home now? Wots he saying?

He's stayed out tonight don't even know where he is 😔

OP posts:
Lostandconfus3d · 19/12/2024 03:04

That’s wild to me! So he can just up and leave? Not let u know where he is? I’m sorry he’s a dick

Original poster
Nikkinic87 · 19/12/2024 03:12

Lostandconfus3d · 19/12/2024 03:04

That’s wild to me! So he can just up and leave? Not let u know where he is? I’m sorry he’s a dick

I know 😞 know I'm actually seeing it in black and white I can't believe it myself.

OP posts:
Lostandconfus3d · 19/12/2024 03:13

Wot would happen if you just disappeared, left him with the baby and didn’t let him know you were ok or where u were??

Lostandconfus3d · 19/12/2024 03:18

Wot was the initial fight over?

WhatTheFudges · 19/12/2024 03:33

8 weeks PP is still in the trenches territory and your hormones and emotions will still be all over the place. I would make your current priority the baby and you, leave everything else and ensure the baby is looked after and you are getting as much rest and sleep as you can, keep your focus on just the two of you for the next few months, that’s stage 1. Stage 2 after a few months would then to be to acknowledge he is useless and you have the monumental job of then building a safety net for you and the baby, don’t rely on him. Learn to drive, go back to work, build savings and even possibly move? Maybe to be closer to your sisters if that’s an option.

At the moment you rely on him to help with the bills, what are the chances he won’t do this? Would he be belittled and embarrassed that he saw his own child out on the street or would no one care?

Original poster
Nikkinic87 · 19/12/2024 03:41

Lostandconfus3d · 19/12/2024 03:18

Wot was the initial fight over?

It's a build up of a few things to be honest, he's not been great in terms of looking after the baby and has pretty much carried on his life as normal. I think in all honesty I did raise my voice after being upset about something quite silly but he's massively overreacted and proceeded to pretty much turf me and baby out of the car and stormed off out. This is what he does. He's done this before and Ive always been a mess when he does eventually come back.🙃

OP posts:
Original poster
Nikkinic87 · 19/12/2024 03:47

WhatTheFudges · 19/12/2024 03:33

8 weeks PP is still in the trenches territory and your hormones and emotions will still be all over the place. I would make your current priority the baby and you, leave everything else and ensure the baby is looked after and you are getting as much rest and sleep as you can, keep your focus on just the two of you for the next few months, that’s stage 1. Stage 2 after a few months would then to be to acknowledge he is useless and you have the monumental job of then building a safety net for you and the baby, don’t rely on him. Learn to drive, go back to work, build savings and even possibly move? Maybe to be closer to your sisters if that’s an option.

At the moment you rely on him to help with the bills, what are the chances he won’t do this? Would he be belittled and embarrassed that he saw his own child out on the street or would no one care?

I totally agree ! I definitely need to learn to drive and it was on my list! I actually had my driving test booked but had to cancel as had very bad pelvic girdle pain. It's 💯 something I will be doing if I can afford to do so x

OP posts:
Lostandconfus3d · 19/12/2024 08:00

Sorry I fell asleep. How r u this morning? Any word?

madaboutpurple · 19/12/2024 19:50

Hi, I send you hugs. I am wondering are you close to your sister ,could you stay with her for awhile. or at your friend's place.?

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