Is this who DH really is?

[Marlenesmantra]

I know it's a stressful time, and a time where we miss loved ones. But my DH is being really difficult to be around.

He's being mean and judgy and obviously not in a good place. It's happened before at this time of year. But I thought Christmas would be easier now DCs are older.

Nothing has been huge or LTB level, but it makes me sad, and whenever I try and talk to him he turns it into a criticism of me.

Examples-

• I said my cousin had been in touch to see if her son - who's getting married next year - had the right contact details. Instead of saying 'it'll be nice to go and see everyone' he said my cousin was probably pressuring him to invite me

• He was about to do an important work call from home. The connection seemed to fail and he started swearing really aggressively (more than a normal under your breath kind of curse). If they heard (we don't know) he would lose the work.

• He's trying to find some admin forms - he doesn't know where he put them but the company that needs them are c*s.

I know these are all v minor. I'm trying to not overreact but it's putting me on edge and I'm worried he'll have a go at DCs. He has before when he's been like this.

He's fine most of the time.

What do I do?

How long have you been with him?
Mine's like this, and I'm like "can't you cope with filling in a web form without the swearing!", I mean, what about a real emergency?!
Anyhow, ignore it. Or complain at him. Whatever works. They say men are like rubber bands and women are like waves or whatever. (I just think men are completely over the top emotional but label women as such as they're projecting) Maybe buy him a random present to cheer him up and tell him to stop being such a miserable bastard.

Is he particularly stressed? What's going on with him? None of the three individual things you've listed would bother me in the slightest, but turning any of your attempts to talk into criticism sounds far more concerning.

I mean, if DH were getting furious and sweary about something, I would say 'For God's sake, stop stamping around like something out of a Gothic novel! Calm down!'

Sounds like he is stressed or depressed, anything changed significantly for him work or home wise lately? How is your relationship? Do you feel you are otherwise communicating well? Making time for eachother?

@WellMaybe It wouldn't be a problem if he'd take that kind of normal response, but when he's in that kind of mood he won't. He says something critical of me instead.

He admitted earlier to being 'a bit off' over the last few days, so maybe he'll open up a bit.

How long this is going on?

I have a husband and son. Who just don't do winter. Short days, long nights. They improve with the promise of spring.

See if he'll open up about how he's feeling and if it's something specific that bothering him , see if there's a way help him resolve this or he's just generally off you could suggest speaking to the doctor or counselling.
Be caring and offer a listening ear but remind him that it's not OK to be a douch bag to you.

So sorry OP My DP is like this too . I keep telling him i hate it when he shouts and swears as it reminds me of my childhood I.e scared but he sees it as he is only angry at himself . Well yes but the childhood person that was nasty to me used to stamp around the house so there was unpleasant atmosphere, that's what it's like .

He is probably right about your cousin pressurising their son into inviting you to the wedding though when the cousin's son doesn't know your contact details.

@Spirallingdownwards - well cheers...!! I really don't think so, because of the way it was worded and how things are more generally with them. But even if it is true, he didn't need to say it!

I think DH is depressed. But this isn't the first time - by a long way - he's been like this. I've been through feeling like it's my fault, then trying to be there for him once I worked out it was down to his own mood. Not sure what I've got left now - even though these are small things they're the icing on a long term problem.