Terribly lonely at Christmas. Anyone else?

[Treeofmadness]

I'm feeling terribly lonely and pretty detached from everything right now. Putting all my effort to making Christmas happen for DC.

I'm separated and navigating another year of co-parenting over Christmas. Estranged from family who are toxic and dreading seeing them, my parents don't bother with me and DC, had a disappointing interaction a month ago and not heard from them since. I have in spite of my self respect reached out to them. Similar situation with toxic siblings. Lots of chat about Christmas presents but not even any talk about meeting up. No one has asked me how I am.

I thankfully have a handful of friends who I am seeing over the holidays, but I have a very limited number of friends who I can talk to about what is troubling me.

I'm exhausted and lonely. Anyone else feel like this and do you have any tips for me.

A little yes x

Sorry you feel the same. Care to share any more and any tips on how to overcome these feelings?

Is it ok to message?

I am sorry to hear OP that you are feeling lonely . I am in the same position .
I do have a few family members but they are not nearby and they have lots of other commitments so I don't see that much of them .

I am not sure how old your DC is and if they are beyond the age of believing in Christmas . Mine are older and don't really want to spend time with me .
I do have sone friends but they are all busy getting on with their lives and I am the only one who is not partnered up .

I think you will need to consider whether to leave your extended family out of the equation this Christmas . You said the last visit wasn't great for your DC . I think you have to weigh up if they are so toxic / uncaring that you would be better to go low contact / no contact with them . Even if not for you , for your DC.

I think it is more damaging to reach out to family who are not really interested than to just leave it be .What are you and your Dc getting from these relationships ?

I think sometimes we try too hard to manufacture a good relationship when realistically we know that all the effort is one sided . If that is the case , can you try and put yourself and your DC first and just concentrate on things you would enjoy .
You said you have a few friends and I would suggest you try and catch up with them over the holidays , even if for a quick catch up / coffee / walk .

I think this time of year is rubbish because of the weather , colds etc doing the rounds and people are very busy with family / shopping etc .

Can you think of some cosy things for you and your DC to do / a film & popcorn at home .

Keep posting and checking the threads on Mumsnet too as I think there are a lot of people in our position over the holidays especially .
Take care

I feel the same way. I am going through a separation and struggling to put one foot in front of the other
I am listening to podcasts and have a good book.
message if you like x

Thank you @imfae you are right about the extended family. I will not push it any further, I've offered to visit with DC but no response. It's a big shift for me especially after my separation to see relationships for what they are.

I am really trying to make the most of arranging things with friends and day outs for DC.

I will keep on posting but seems I don't get many replies. Grateful for anyone to share their thoughts and chat on here. It's a very lonely time and hard to be isolated whilst everyone looks like they have a happy family and close friends to lean on.

Sorry you are going through the same @ThatCoralBiscuit . It's been years for me now and each harder gets both harder and easier in different ways. I hope you have some nice things planned.

Please pass on recommendations of any books. It's the last thing on my list to treat myself to some new books.

I feel you.
Separated (now divorced) since late 2021 after he left.
I bloody hate Christmas now.
Handing kids over to my ex and his huge extended family. I hate it all.
I can't wait until the new year, which always makes me feel brighter like a fresh start.
Too much alcohol makes it worse.because it drags my mood down.
Eating better (fresh fruit and veg) makes me feel a little better. Exercise is also a great mood booster but I can't get motivated yet.
Mom's moving on is a good podcast even though it's a bit American (I'm in UK)

Im so sorry OP. It can be a really difficult and lonely time of year. How old is your DC?

I’d say that you don’t need loads of friends that you can have a real heart-to-heart with, most people only have a few and that’s all you need, so lean into them, make plans to see them and maybe try and organise activities that give you time to talk but also have another angle to them - like lunch and an exhibition, coffee and a walk somewhere pretty. Organise one or two fun activities to do with your kid. You could also try volunteering, it might help to be among other people who are in a similar situation, and to be needed. And as another poster said, find a good book or series to get lost in.

But above all be kind to yourself, and remember that this too shall pass xxx

What kind of books do you like OP?

OP, I have had lonely christmases but I remembered what someone wiser than me said. “You might be alone on Christmas Day but other people are with family they can’t escape and want to. They will feel far lonelier than you on your own.”

You have your DC so think about what matters to you all and make that happen during Christmas.

It sounds like your family are quite toxic and can’t give you what you require so put your energies into your DC, friends and building your own, larger support network.

I’m just telling myself it’s one day. Maybe 2/3 maximum and then everyone will be desperate to take their Christmas tree down, they’ll be selling their unwanted presents on vinted and starting to plan their summer holiday and act like Christmas never happened.

I don’t feel lonely at not having a partner because that’s my choice but this time of year is a stark reminder of the fact I have no family. My DD, dog & guess my friends love me but my sister & niece have both died (young, too) so I do feel lonely & nostalgic at this time of year.

Although I have a strange way of dealing with it which helps me & just think of all the horrible situations I could be in & it works a treat for me. I suddenly am grateful to just have no family if that makes sense😆All other times of year I feel happy & content. I think it’s because it’s pushed on us it’s ’family time’

i’ve booked lots in with friends in the run up & hoping that will see me through.

I know this sounds really stupid and twee but I found thinking of three things I’m grateful for everyday really helped when I was really low.

Also with toxic family, being around them doesn’t help, it just reinforces your feelings of failure and regret. You can spend a lot of time chasing something that won’t happen. Don’t do it to yourself. They are what they are.

Maybe spend some time planning out a cosy xmas you and your children

Hi ,
I think it is difficult for lots of people . I am glad that you do have some friends OP that you are able to catch up with .
I am sorry you haven't had loads of replies . I think it is a hectic time of the year and there are also quite a few similar threads , so I think people are struggling to respond to them all .
I am trying my best not to waste my emotional energy on my Ex P who has moved on with his life and is living his best life with a new girlfriend in tow . But it is difficult especially at this time of year when all the happy families seem to be out in force .
There are also loads of threads about people still in miserable and sometimes in abusive relationships and I think we are at least fortunate that we are " free ". Even if freedom , especially with kids, isn't quite what we thought it would be .
I do realise that I am more fortunate than some others and do try and remind myself of this . I am hoping that 2025 is a better year for us all .
In the meantime I think we just have to be kind to ourselves and accept that it may take us a good while to get over our broken relationships .

Hope yesterday was ok for you Op x

Thank you @imfae Christmas day was fine and I loved seeing DC so happy and excited. I hope you had a good day and that you and your DC are enjoying the holidays.

I saw DM and DF plus one sibling but they are all toxic in different ways and not enjoyable for me or DC really. But I saw it as something I had to do to keep the peace as it were (out of obligation I know). The rest of the holidays DC and I will enjoy with friends and DC will be with their father for the weekend now. Thankfully I am on good terms with ExH and we have planned to spend a day together for one of DCs hobbies next week.

I wore a similar post but I have family and a husband! So even with that you can still feel lonely, it's the disconnection that gets to me and I honestly don't know how to get that. I don't feel that way all the time but esp this time of year I do. I struggle out of routine really in all honesty. I become very reflective this time of year or around bigger events. I'm trying to go for lots of walks and even just saying hello or something to anyone I walk past (not in qa weird way, just like politely - I'm up north so it's quite normal here!) makes me feel a smidge better, fresh air grounds me definitely.
I'm still middling through this one but I do find it hard to see all the social media posts with rooms full of families, people doing this that and the other etc. and I find the fact I'm lonely quite embarrassing tbh!

I typed a reply out before Christmas OP but it seemed to be sat here on a forgotten tab. I'm glad your Christmas was OK and that you have nice things planned with just your child.

This is the first year my lovely first husband and I haven't texted, seen each other or spoken on Christmas Day for over 20 years. I will always love and miss him and I almost live alongside the loneliness now. Trying to keep busy but also allow moments to be sad and reflective and not push away how I feel is important. I definitely find walking and podcasts helpful otherwise car journeys can give me too much time to think and spiral down.

Christmas and other occasions are very difficult for so many of us OP. You're not alone, even though it sometimes feels that way.

My advice is remember that things keep evolving always. So try not to think things like, 'Xmas will always be hard' - for example.

And things will get easier as your kids get older too. Your parents aren't going to give you what you need but it sounds like you have good friends? Focus on those friendships instead.

As PPs have said, try and eat healthily and get some fresh air and exercise. That helps somewhat.

X

Thanks for replying@Afraidofhimrightnow

Your post made for sad reading and hope you are ok. I don't think I will ever move on from ExH, we shared a lot in life. I am very slowly but surely realising who is showing up in my life for me and DC. ExH is one of them, he is a good father and friend to me now even though our marriage broke down.

You are right keeping busy is key. I have a few things planned with friends coming the days. I hope you have some nice things planned for yourself too.

Thank you @researchers3
That's a nice way of putting it, one thing I have really realised in the last week or so is where I am investing my effort is evolving. I have built some good friendships and I am focusing on as much as I can to patch things up as it were with ExH so at least we can co-parent and have a friendship.

I don't feel so desperate for approval and love from my DPs and siblings. It's refreshing for me as even the smallest effort gestures from friends feels like a big difference to what I am used to. I am not used to people being nice to me.

Hope Op and others on the thread are doing ok and hope you all have a happy and healthy 2025 when it comes xxxx

Thank you @imfae

Happy New Year to you too, and all on this thread feeling lonely.

It's been a good Christmas for DCs, co-parenting has gone well so far. I'm feeling OK this evening and hope everyone is too. Only feels odd as this year seems to have flown by in a flash💐

I hear you op

I'm a lone parent (six year old twins who don't see their dad) I've been single since he kindly left five years ago just before Christmas

I get ill every year with terrible sickness and anxiety. I swear its PTSD from when he left. I make a huge effort for my DC but when it comes to myself I just feel empty inside.

NYE can suck it as well💀