I feel like something bad is going to happen (leaving emotionally abusive relationship)

[LaceyLou42]

You are all probably sick of my posts now. If you haven’t seen any basically I’ve been emotionally abused for the last 2.5 years (been together 15) I was blind to it at first then in denial and now I’m done. He knows I’m done. And now he’s making me feel trapped. He’s crying and begging and telling me his life will be over and there’s no point. He says he’s mentally ill and needs support. I’m his life. We’ve been together since we were kids. But he keeps saying things that are very alarming. I’m tying to keep him calm by telling him let’s see how things go from here but in my head I want out and I’m struggling to pretend otherwise. He says he punishes me to punish himself. He has said in the past he thinks it’s crazy how we are two separate people??? He won’t leave me alone now he knows I want to leave he keeps saying he’s going to stop with the verbal and concentrate on fixing us. He said he’ll get help if it means I’ll stay. I’m scared he’s going to do something stupid and we have a child I can’t believe I’ve let this go on for so long I can’t see this separation being easy. I’m trying to keep him happy till after Christmas. He said he’ll never talk to me again or want to see me etc so co parenting would be fun…. He had a seemingly okay mental state but when he starts describing how he feels and his thought processes I just feel like he is not normal and I don’t know how to deal with him because i feel uneasy

Would you like to chat about it? Xx

It would be best case scenario if he vanished and you didn't have to ever see him again anyway though. Best for the child too as kids shouldn't have to be around abusive men. Even if he's nice to her atm (That'll probably change around her preteens when she starts having her own opinions about things).

Maybe right now he still sees her as an extension of himself. That'll change. In the same way that narcissists often put you on a pedestal in the early years...but then of course you ultimately fall from it and they punish you for not fitting the false image if you they had. Which was that you only exist to meet their needs.

He won't vanish though. Unfortunately. It's just bullshit to stress you out. I'd probably play along and be like 'it's so important to me that you keep sering your daughter even though we aren't together anymore'. Reverse psychology the shit out of him. Hopefully he'll disappear for a while thinking it 'punishes' you.

If he says anything that you'd interpret as a threat to you or your child or other people, report him to the police. Protect yourself.

Living with an abuser plays with the production of our flight or flight hormones. It makes us stressed and makes us feel on edge 24/7. Their moods govern our mood and we get used to it. It's like being on a roller coaster. So when we leave...our body takes time to adjust. So leaving, we fear, may feel like still being on the roller coaster...but, blindfolded, as we dont have any idea what direction the tracks will go in if he isn't there.

But the truth is, he is the rollercoaster. DECIDE to get off and, once it comes to a stop, you'll feel much better. You'll maybe feel dread for a bit like 'what's going to happen next as I have no framework for that?' but then day by day you wake up to peace without him. To a safe home. And you realise, you're free. And the horrible thing that you thought might happen, doesn't materialise. At least, nothing that compares with how awful it was to be stuck living with him.

The unknown can be scary.
But freedom from tyranny, oppression and bullying? Worth the risk. There are few things worse than spending life with a bully.

Even now, when he knows you are DONE, he's trying to manipulate you. I haven't seen your other posts but I hope you have support and that you can get away safely. Have you spoken to Women's Aid for advice? Lots of love to you OP, I know it's hard.