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Original poster

DH acting strange

8 replies

ilikeallforests · 18/12/2024 00:18

I could just be reading too much into it, especially because of how I've been recently.

Together 18 years, two teenagers.

DH started a new job in October and it's been really stressful and we've had not as much time together as we used to. I've been having a hard time in my own personal life, and for 2 weeks or so after an argument in early Dec, I had been really withdrawn from him. I have been keeping the argument festering in order to get an excuse for space away from him, and been declining his bids for attention.

I understand that this could be viewed as me causing his reaction due to my withdrawal, and maybe I'm just being paranoid, but his reaction this week does NOT meet the previous times in our relationship. I struggle with mental health esp at this time of year, and I have withdrawn like this many times before. Usually he is happy when I 'come out of it', and rightly or wrongly, we come back to each other quickly.

For the past week since I came out of it, he has stopped coming near me at all, has stopped phoning me during work like he usually does, if I message him it's one word or short answers, he's polite but definitely off. I suggested spending some time together on his day off tomorrow, but he said he might pick up a shift for money, so we arranged it for Thursday night.

I'm scared he's met someone.

I know I'll be flamed for being like this, but honestly, I suffer from PTSD and we've always been like this, a bit on/off/back/forward, but we always come back quick. I'm scared something is off.

OP posts:
Unhappyandsad · 18/12/2024 00:44

ilikeallforests · 18/12/2024 00:18

I could just be reading too much into it, especially because of how I've been recently.

Together 18 years, two teenagers.

DH started a new job in October and it's been really stressful and we've had not as much time together as we used to. I've been having a hard time in my own personal life, and for 2 weeks or so after an argument in early Dec, I had been really withdrawn from him. I have been keeping the argument festering in order to get an excuse for space away from him, and been declining his bids for attention.

I understand that this could be viewed as me causing his reaction due to my withdrawal, and maybe I'm just being paranoid, but his reaction this week does NOT meet the previous times in our relationship. I struggle with mental health esp at this time of year, and I have withdrawn like this many times before. Usually he is happy when I 'come out of it', and rightly or wrongly, we come back to each other quickly.

For the past week since I came out of it, he has stopped coming near me at all, has stopped phoning me during work like he usually does, if I message him it's one word or short answers, he's polite but definitely off. I suggested spending some time together on his day off tomorrow, but he said he might pick up a shift for money, so we arranged it for Thursday night.

I'm scared he's met someone.

I know I'll be flamed for being like this, but honestly, I suffer from PTSD and we've always been like this, a bit on/off/back/forward, but we always come back quick. I'm scared something is off.

What is it you think is off? X

StrawberryWater · 18/12/2024 00:50

I think he's probably checked out rather than meeting someone else. It sounds to me that you've pushed him to his limit one too many times with your behaviour and he's fed up. He's also getting used to a new job.

You push him away intentionally, you give him the silent treatment, he tries with you and you say you need more space and intentionally prolong arguments.

Give the poor guy a break already and please get help for your behaviour, your PTSD and whatever it is you're suffering from. Those things though are no excuse to be abusive and you are being.

stripeyshutters · 18/12/2024 00:54

"an argument in early Dec, I had been really withdrawn from him. I have been keeping the argument festering in order to get an excuse for space away from him, and been declining his bids for attention. "

Can you blame him? This is abusive behaviour on your part.

Ladybird982828282828 · 18/12/2024 01:01

Hey op, from a previous thread you are TTC and are asking about a filling? I’m confused???

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 18/12/2024 01:16

Given that you've behaved like an utter shithead, can you really blame him? PTSD or not, your behaviour towards him has been bordering on abusive, and it sounds like this time he's basically gone "Fuck it".

mikado1 · 18/12/2024 01:24

My H behaved like this repeatedly and as a pp said I checked out. It completely breaks down communication and I was always rushing to repair and make things better. I've simply stopped, having warned him for years this would happen if it continued. Currently together still in name only really 😔

Interestingly, and maybe helpful, it came up through counselling that the likely reason for this behaviour is a childhood where people didn't want to hear it if he found things difficult/upsetting etc. They didn't want to hear crying or complaining etc so he learnt to shut down and that his feelings and views weren't wanted.

TheCatterall · 18/12/2024 01:33

@ilikeallforests are you seeking help for your ptsd etc? As you have identified this is a pattern within yourself and how you both act in a relationship have you ever looked at counselling to improve things? I just think of those kids and no doubt you’ll say they aren’t aware of anything but kids pick up on the mood of the house and they are learning this is how relationships look like.

Regardless of his behaviour have you considered apologising for withdrawing. Telling him you want to talk about having a healthier relationship together and come up with some ideas of how to achieve it?

If my partner kept behaving the way you have - eventually regardless of how much I love them.. regardless of how much I get it’s there MH etc… I’d probably start pulling away to protect myself mentally. Because even with your PTSD diagnosis - it’s emotionally abusive behaviour towards a partner.

YouZirName · 18/12/2024 02:07

stripeyshutters · 18/12/2024 00:54

"an argument in early Dec, I had been really withdrawn from him. I have been keeping the argument festering in order to get an excuse for space away from him, and been declining his bids for attention. "

Can you blame him? This is abusive behaviour on your part.

Agree with this entirely.

OP you've behaved disgustingly, and I can't blame him for checking out - only surprised he hasn't done it sooner.

If he has checked out, or met someone, you're to blame entirely.

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