Puzzled by his lies

[Misgivingmum]

Been married a long time and it is increasingly a struggle really, finding it hard to stop feeling resentful for past issues (no infidelity)

I have never thought DH lied to me until recently. I found some of his stuff in the tumble dryer a couple of weeks ago, went to empty it and there was a large red silk scarf as well as a black sequin sheer top.
I asked him and he said he had found them in the loft and they must belong to previous owners, I didn't believe that and when I asked further questions he said he had bought them from a charity shop as he thought they may come in handy as dressing up clothes ( all our children are adults). I did not believe that either but left it a week, before saying so. His response was he did not tell me the truth as he was embarrassed but had bought them for a fancy dress event at work, but could not tell me when this was. He works in an executive role, I can't see how he would want to be seen by colleagues in a woman's sheer sequin top, so don't believe this either.
I am not sure where to go with this now, as he is not going to tell me if I ask again. Any thoughts on what he may have bought these for so I may get a bit of an idea as to why he is lying?

I would assume that he is dressing in them.

The fact he lied at least twice to you means he's covering something up. If he's covering something up, it's something he knows you won't like. So I presume either another woman (but why would he be doing her washing?) or he's wearing them himself.

Strange that he left them there for you to find. Maybe on some level he wants you to know? Or is he just disorganised and forgetful?

Whatever it is, you know he's lying to you. That would be a dealbreaker for many.

BTW who puts silk and sequins in a tumble dryer?!

Either they're for someone else or he wears them.

Probably he wears them.

He's probably embarrassed or thinks you'll be repulsed.

BTW who puts silk and sequins in a tumble dryer?!

I'm sorry to say I too was diverted by this fact. It does suggest that whatever he is doing, he hasn't been doing it for long or he'd have learnt this is a bad idea the hard way. I suspect you may have to let this one play out for a little longer to find out what is going on.

Although on the face of it it does seem to have the markings of an episode of Terry and June.

Yes not sure why he tumble dried them! I was out for the afternoon, not sure he expected me back before it finished. Thanks for your reply @perfectcolourfound, I have been thinking the same

I suspect your husband is dressing in them himself to be honest... but he's being dishonest with you either way and that needs addressed first and foremost.

Once you've given him a chance to explain, do some reading around autogynephilia.

I can't imagine why he would be washing/drying 2 items of womens clothing.
You could have a bit of a look round the house, see if you find anything else? Places that he wouldn't think you would look... from sad experience, boxes at the back of storage spaces, the loft space, 'unused suitcases' etc...

But as PP says, give him a chance to explain, but be prepared for an AGP rabbithole.

He's cross dressing, OP. The sheer top is a dead giveaway. How many women his age would wear that?

I would be searching the house now for other items.

Would the top fit him size wise? Potentially?
I doubt it's another woman's ckothes, why would he do the washing for her?

I think it would. fit him, it is what is what I was thinking that he was planning to wear it, but wanted to seek opinion elsewhere before considering raising it with him again

If he must lie to you he could at least try harder. Scan the house Op, they'll be more

How do you feel about him potentially cross-dressing?

I'd have a long think about it before you talk to him again, so that you don't later wish you'd handled it differently.

Let’s assume he is dressing up in them—but when would he even have the time? Executives work notoriously long hours, so where does this fit in? Is he working from home? Does he travel a lot for work?

Are you working full-time as well? Because if you’re out for the day while he’s home alone, that could be his window of opportunity. Still, I find it hard to imagine when he’d realistically have the time to pull this off.

On the other hand, if the clothes belong to someone else, it’s undeniably bizarre that he’s washing them. But also—two very random items? It’s such an odd combination that it raises even more questions.

People always make time for a fetish. It's not uncommon for men to wear things under their regular clothes. Have a search for @tinselangel's threads.

If he was having an affair it would be a bit bizarre for him to keep her clothes then wash and tumble dry them?
Therefore, I'd assume they are his