Partner sent drunk messages to my close friend

[MsHardy]

Partner got extremely drunk at a party for my birthday last weekend and started messaging one of my closest friends (not at the party) about starting an Only Fans account. The conversation was completely nonsensical and he said he was doing "research", but then asked questions about if she would do it and what content she would have made for it. He also made references to hot parts of her body. She cut the conversation short and sent me the screenshots the next day.
This friend is extremely attractive and my partner had heard friends say she'd considered doing Only Fans before.
I confronted him and he maintains he wasnt sexually coming onto her and was just extremely drunk... but he'd set his messages to disappearing...
We have our first baby on the way. Im in shock. What do I do?

This is going to severely impact your friendships. Women won’t want to be around your creepy weirdo boyfriend.

I wonder how many other friends he’s messaged but they didn’t tell you. It’s not a coincidence he’s done this when you’re pregnant.

Tell him

Before you even try it I will have no nonsense about ...

"It was just a joke
Just bants
You have no sense of humour

I'd never have done it if you weren't off sex because you were so busy gestating my baby

I set it to disappearing by accident

You know what you're like" etc.

Because I now know what you're like.

(Think up any possible piece of bullshit and practice your response in advance because you're going to be hearing the lot.)

I think you’ll try to forgive him for fear of breaking up your family or having to cope on your own. This is natural. You are very vulnerable right now.
However, he has humiliated you. Your friend had the decency to let you know and not engage with him but she (right now) feels bad for you and thinks you deserve to know. If you forgive him she might not tell you next time. You’ll have those around you aware of his behaviors pitying you and you being totally oblivious to it all. And not every woman he encounters now or in the future will shut him down the way your friend did. How far will it go with a willing participant? You will have a full blown affair on your hands.

I don’t know if this is your first child or not, so sorry if you aren’t a first time mum and I’m telling you what you already know, but a new baby can test even the strongest of relationships. You need 100% trust and confidence in the person you are choosing to be by your side through what is going to be one of the toughest times in your life.

Saying that, there are some people who feel deep remorse at what they have done, who are willing to engage in counseling and to spend years trying to atone for cheating. But “I was drunk” is not that person. That’s a minimizer, a denier, someone who isn’t really sorry, they are just sorry they got caught. Because to me “I was drunk and did something unforgivable that almost destroyed my family and the person I love” means that person has a poor relationship with alcohol and should be giving it up entirely.

Sometimes it can be useful to think what this would look like the other way around. What do you think his reaction would be if you had been sending messages to one of his friends asking if you'd get to see him naked on camera and complimenting the bulge in his pants? Could you even contemplate doing that? Sadly you can't imagine if your DP was also pregnant and vulnerable when you did it. This is probably not the first time he's done something like this, and it will not be the last time. This is what he's really like and this is what you can expect if you stay with him.

Thanks everyone xx

Disgusting! In the bin!!! Dirty slimy perv 🤢

He's a creep. He'd be out the door if he even sent one of those texts to my friend. Well done to your friend for telling you. Knowledge is power.

"He also made references to hot parts of her body."

Are the 'hot parts' big boobs?

But in answer to your question, everyone has already said what I would've said. I think the clear answer is dump him, you deserve and will find better.

Whaddya think op

This one's a keeper??

I would leave him.. He clearly thinking while sober about her..

Hi I just wanted to message to say I’m sorry that happened to you. My partner also messaged someone flirty messages when drunk and I forgave him as he was drunk I then found out years later he did it again becuse of being so drunk. I forgave him. We then went on to have kids etc together and I didn’t think he would do that to the mother of his child but I’ve now (6 years later) found drunken messages to escorts dating back throughout our relationship. Unless he completely gives up drinking I think I need to move on. And even then I think a lot of damage has been done now so I’m not sure even that will fix things.. I’m not sure what you decided to do. I can only imagine how awful that must have been being pregnant but from my experience men who do this don’t change particularly if they are blaming substances that they don’t plan on giving up!

Takes effort to set messages to disappearing all while being “pissed up”. Nah, he is a douche. And a 🤥!

He’s a sleazy creep. She’s a good friend. Get rid.