Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flaky friend - significant birthday. WWYD?

6 replies

isshestillafriend · 16/12/2024 21:31

We have been friends since we were at school (thirty plus years) - when she got married, divorced, had children, affairs etc. I was there- all day/night, whenever she needed support. Even helped pay for her Mums funeral. My life has been pretty dull by comparison - however in the past few years I have had some challenges (death of a much loved family member and work problems) and she just hasn't bothered. (For over a year) She has sent texts acknowledging that I am going through a tough time and that we must catch up. However each time we make an arrangement to speak (we now live on different sides of the country) she cancels at the last minute. Excuses have ranged from picking up her adult son, going to see another friend, carol concert, she's tired etc.

I have told her that this behaviour has hurt my feelings and that I'm happy to wish her well and leave it. She then sends messages saying she's sorry - we'll definitely arrange something, have known each other for too long etc and the cycle begins again. She hasn't got any more to do than me (would completely understand if she had) - she just clearly doesn't value my time/ expects me to still be there regardless. She's done it again tonight - we arranged to speak at a specific time (her suggestion). I called her and she didn't pick up. She's got a significant birthday coming up later this week. I had planned to send her something really nice but now think I am being ridiculous. She clearly doesn't value our friendship so why bother? I know she will never forgive me if I dont send something but we hardly have a friendship anymore do we? WWYD?

OP posts:
Secondguess · 16/12/2024 21:34

Don't feel bad about matching her level of effort and interest.

TipsyJoker · 16/12/2024 21:35

I would do nothing. Literally. I wouldn’t communicate with her unless she contacted me. I’d relegate her to associate. I wouldn’t fall out with her if just let her go and only speak to her if she got in touch. And I wouldn’t be sending anything for her birthday either.

Girlmom35 · 17/12/2024 15:04

Honestly, what would be the actual impact on your daily life if she indeed doesn't forgive you for skipping her birthday?
It's not like she's a dear and valuable friend who might end up not wanting to spend time with you anymore. What have you got to lose? A few hollow text exchanges and empty promises?

StillTooOldToCare · 17/12/2024 15:15

i would not send a gift. i would send a card if i had teh time to get it in the post,.

OhCobblers · 17/12/2024 15:21

You would be an absolute mug to send her anything.
I bet she's forgotten yours countless times. Significant or otherwise?!
Who cares if she's angry or doesn't forgive you for it - she is no true friend.
As the saying goes "match her energy"!

JustWalkingTheDogs · 17/12/2024 15:27

I'd not bother, she doesn't seem to add anything to your life so if she decides to fall out with you, what would be the impact.

I'm all for matching people's energy these days, especially with people like your friend

New posts on this thread. Refresh page