How do you get over someone?

[Chester23]

Just that really. I've completely fallen for someone at work. We slept together. He doesn't want to be anything more than friends. I'm going through some stuff right now and I'm stuck between not speaking to him to get over him and speaking to him because he really helps me. I'm pretty heartbroken.

it sounds like you’re having a difficult time at the moment. He’s clear he doesn’t want a relationship though. Are you both single? Are you the same level of seniority at work? It can be awkward seeing a colleague - one of my friends was in that same position with our boss. It was awkward for the whole team.

Just take it day by day and there’s no going back to friends when you’ve crossed the line (sex) so keep it all professional and conversation just work based. Anything more and I’m sure he’ll be happy to sleep with you again, but you’ll end up hurt. Doesn’t sound like it has affected him in the same way as it has you.

Sometimes when we’re feeling vulnerable and need support having sex muddles things - we feel things that aren’t really there.

Luckily, I am off work for 3 weeks, so im trying not to speak with him. Works not awkward at all, we genuinely really get on which probably doesn't help me.

I'm a big over thinker which also isn't helping the situation.

First, allow yourself time to get over him. Accept your feelings as they are, but don't let your emotions take over. You know why you need to keep your distance, so even if emotionally you feel that you want or need to be close to him, don't give in.
Know your feelings will pass. They are fleeting. You will get over him in time.
Don't allow yourself to be too involved with him. That means as little contact as possible, but also as little thoughts about him as possible. You don't need to be immersing yourself in thoughts about "why" and "how could he" and "maybe if". Decide today that he's no longer your concern, and you will not spend any more time or energy thinking about him. When you do find yourself thinking about him, distract yourself or actively steer your thoughts in another direction. This will he difficult at first, but should become easier over time.

Good luck

No contact is the only way unfortunately. Sorry you’re feeling like this. It’s painful. But if you give yourself time and soace Away from him you will recover. Good luck

Thanks everyone. Just feels like a double blow when you're losing your friend at the same time.
This is day one of not speaking and I feel awful.

Sorry you’re having a difficult time. No contact is the way forward. And fill your life with other things like seeing friends or reading books etc until you are over him. It will be much harder in the longer term if you see him and can’t be with him now, even if in the short term you appreciate his company and support.

I'm having a bit of a sulking day today to be honest. I'm in bed, watching TV with the cat fast asleep on my knee.
Its a really weird feeling not talking to him.