He constantly thinks I'm lying about everything

[justgb]

My brother (ASD) thinks I lie about everything and feels the need to go behind my back to find out what he thinks is the truth. Once he gets his version of the truth in his head that's it, he won't rest until he 'proves me wrong' It's generally small things such as him wanting to visit me but I tell him I will be going out that day and for him to wait until the next day, he will then phone various members of my family to ask them if I'm going out or not, It's generally things like that.

Lately, Over the last three years it's everything I say. I will give an example.. We have family friends, an elderly couple, and he got it in his head that the husband had passed away and we were all keeping it from him, I told him he was still alive and didn't think anything of it until i got a call from the wife saying my brother had knocked on their door questioning her about her husbands death, he then told her he was only asking because I'm a liar and he just wanted the truth.

Another thing I have noticed lately over the last few months is he will go to people I used to know 20 years ago that I haven't seen since and question them about me, He's looking for information about me that in his words 'will come in handy when he tells people the real truth about me' He went to one person I went to school with and not seen since asking if I did anything 'wrong' when i was younger, she did tell him I smoked a joint once and that was it, he has used that one joint against me ever since, like its some massive horrible thing I did and now I must pay for that for the rest of my life.

He will go to people asking if they used to know me, if they knew the family and if they have any information about me, he has posted a picture of me on facebook asking people if they have any information about me to contact him.

It's got to the point where I'm getting messages from people I don't know on messenger calling me evil, and a liar etc

Anyone know how i can deal with this please? Talking to him doesn't help at all..

Why do you feel the need to continue contact with him? I know he’s your brother and has a condition but that doesn’t mean you need accept this. It’s abusive behaviour and we wouldn’t accept it from a partner or friend.

is it just you he’s like this with? Are you the only siblings? Are your parents alive? Did they ever challenge him on his behaviour?

Is this new behaviour, does he have a GP social worker or mental health worker. Are your parents still alive or is it just the 2 of you now.

I would cut contact. This is not normal behaviour and is constantly going on like some obsession. Really unhealthy and weird.

Are you sure there's not more going in here than ASD, such as paranoid schizophrenia? I mean this in the kindest possible way, but there is something disturbing about his behaviour.
He has a weird obsession with you, and it's getting very dark. I don't know how you're even able to bare being around him after all this history, is this a relationship that should be distanced, for your own safety? What do your parents/family members say about all this? Are they backing you up and reaffirming to him that his behaviour is extremely inappropriate and completely wrong?

Cut contact and if he keeps bothering you, ask the police to have a word to stay away from you.

Warn your parents you're going to do this. They should be sorting him anyway.

His ASD does not give him a pass to be a bully and abuser. Tell him to fuck off out of your life.

Why are you still in contact with him? How does your other family members respond to this?

This sounds like schizophrenia. Regardless, he is targeting you and you do NOT have to take any more of this.

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP 💐 I'd cut contact as you don't deserve to go through this, ASD or not.
What have your relatives said?

It does sound like paranoid schizophrenia. It's not just disbelief in some things you say, it seems deluded and obsessive. I think he may need to see a phsychiatrist. Maybe change his medication? Would he do this, maybe of you talked to other family and then the suggestion came from them? It seems unlikely he's going to do anything that you say, no matter how sensible. Apart from that I'd just keep my distance from him as much as possible. It's not helping having to deal with that level of paranoia.
I hope things improve for him, and you X

Report him to police for harassment.

This sounds like a mental health issue and harassment. It's not normal. I'd also report to GP / adult social services/ police as it sounds like it is escalating. Be safe.

Are you parents still around @justgb? What do they think of this behaviour?

Honestly as pp have said it sounds like much more than just ASD. Mr brother is a mental health nurse and the behaviours you describe here sound like his patients with schizophrenia or personality disorders.

He's far too involved in your life and dare I say it potentially dangerous. Cut contact.

He has crossed the line into what is harassment, slander and libel. He is also harassing other people.

You need to go to the police.

I am as going to say this. This is not ASD this is very delusional and paranoid thought process. I would cut off for this.

I agree with PPs this sounds more like schizophrenia than ASD. And I think @DenmarkStreet is right, someone needs to be alerted to his behaviour, but I’m not sure if any action would be taken unless he is a physical threat to himself or someone else. This is a frustration raised time and again by relatives of the mentally ill. Nevertheless I would definitely call the various people she suggested.

I was surprised so many posters said you should go NC. He’s doing it all behind your back anyway so it wouldn’t change a thing. But you would be in the dark about any changes in his condition

I agree that this has gone well beyond ASD into paranoia, possibly into paranoid schizophrenia. It's reasonably common for it to suddenly manifest in young men in their late teens/twenties.

I think you need to protect yourself from him. Block him. Get a doorbell cam. If he harasses you, report it to the police. Tell your parents that he is clearly unwell - they may have some slim hope of persuading him to be reviewed by a medical professional. Ignore whatever crap he tells other people, have a dignified stock reply - 'My brother has become rather unwell and I wouldn't give too much credence to what he tells you at the moment'. Anyone who has any significant contact with him now will figure out the truth soon enough.

I agree with PP. Your brother sounds mentally unwell. He's delusional and I'd encourage you to contact any family members to share your concerns. Either your parents or anyone stable and potentially supportive. You have my sympathy